5 Phrases to Counter (Unjustified) Criticism, According to a Therapist
Anxious woman receiving unjustified criticism from her boss
As we grow up, we’re taught how to handle criticism, but unjustified criticism can still catch us off guard. It often lacks a sound foundation in evidence, logic or a genuine understanding of the subject—making it even more challenging to address than your typical backhanded comment.
For the most part, experiencing this type of critique is a universal experience. So, recognizing and remembering that is the first step toward managing it effectively. Then, these 5 phrases to counter unjustified criticism should help as well.
Going back to childhood and beyond, you undoubtedly remember someone saying something unwarranted and mean to you. Maybe a jealous girl told you your hair looked terrible just because you had something she wanted. Maybe an old boss lashed out at how you presented a project, even though they gave you no direction to begin with.
Whatever the circumstance, unjust criticism is a part of everyone’s life at some point. And while being defensive is a natural human trait, it's important to know when and how to express these feelings appropriately.
Related: How To Stop Worrying That Someone Is Mad at You, According to a Psychologist
What Is an Example of Unjust Criticism?
While unjust criticism can happen anywhere, anytime, it often occurs at work. Here’s an example of what unjustified criticism looks like in real life.
Sarah is a marketing manager at a healthcare technology company and has consistently delivered successful marketing campaigns since her first month on the job. During a team meeting, her supervisor, Daniel, criticized her recent project in front of the entire team. Despite a noticeable increase in sales and brand recognition, he told her that her latest project lacked creativity and was a “complete waste of time and resources” and that she “dropped the ball.”
Before reading any further, do you think this criticism was just? Did Sarah deserve to get such harsh remarks from her boss about a project, regardless of its success?
If you answered no, you’re correct. This criticism is unjust because Sarah’s campaign had met its objectives and received positive customer feedback, so there was no reason for her boss, Daniel, to think otherwise. There was no evidence of failure to support his comments, so, naturally, Sarah would feel unfairly targeted. Rather than genuinely reflecting on her performance, the criticism directly relates to her boss’s bias and frustration.
Examples like this in the workplace show how easy it is to be a target of unjust criticism. Like Sarah, many people experience this regularly, the criticism impacting their self-esteem, work performance and overall confidence.
Related: 35 Phrases To Disarm Your Inner-Critic, According to Therapists
5 Phrases to Counter Unjustified Criticism
So, how do you respond to unjust criticism? What can you say to make the situation better? Here are five ways to counter unwarranted negativity while maintaining composure and self-confidence.
1. “Where did you hear that?”
When someone is confronted with producing where they got the information, the unjustness or hypocrisy of their criticism is usually exposed. Asking them to disclose this encourages transparency and gives you a chance to evaluate whether or not you need to invest your time refuting it.
2. “What did you say?”
Think about the last time someone said something that made you uncomfortable. If you asked them to repeat it, how did they act? Were they surprised, or did they act flustered? Usually, if forced to repeat something inappropriate, the person will either rephrase it or say it more nicely—letting you know they’re probably aware that the statement wouldn’t be perceived well. It’s also a question you can use to determine the accuracy of the statement and whether it’s rooted in misconceptions.
3. “Let me just think about that for a minute.”
It’s always a good idea to take some time and pause before responding to unjustified criticism so you can avoid saying anything equally as unfounded or hostile. A momentary pause also serves as an opportunity for the criticizer to add any clarifying details, which is especially important if they didn’t mean for the criticism to sound unjustified. Pausing also helps to promote more measures and rational conversation.
4. “Thanks for your input, but I disagree.”
While this response can come off as sarcastic or genuine, it does offer a diplomatic way to tell the other person that you don’t think the same way they do—but they still have the right to express their opinion. When both parties feel respected (which isn’t always true with unjustified criticism), it helps keep the discussion civil. You may also come across as more confident in your response.
5. “We can agree to disagree. Let’s talk about this at another time.”
Agreeing to disagree is a tried and true way to minimize conflict and diffuse tension in the face of unjustified criticism. It acknowledges the difference of opinion and offers a practice approach for conflict resolution without seeming disrespectful. You can revisit the conversation later, committing to a healthier discussion rather than a heated discourse.
Next: 10 Things Confident People *Always* Do in a Conversation
