5 Questions Your Therapist Wants You To Ask, According to a Licensed Therapist

Therapist answering questions from a client

Are you on the fence about going to see a therapist? Is talking something that gives you a lot of anxiety? If so, you can calm your nerves by knowing your therapist understands the apprehensiveness of starting therapy. Usually, we’ve been on the other side of the notebook and get what it feels like to be a client. We also know it’s natural to be nervous at your first appointment with a new therapist because we were, too!

Before you meet with them, you may have thoughts like, “What will they be like,” or “Will it be a good fit,” or you might even question, “Is therapy right for me?” These are all valid things to consider, but as you prepare for your session, try to come up with questions to ask your therapist. But are you supposed to ask your therapist questions?

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Are You Supposed To Ask Your Therapist Questions?

Absolutely! Therapy isn’t all about listening; it’s a safe space to ask your therapist questions about your assessment, treatment and diagnosis. We want you to ask us questions so you can give informed consent to participate in the therapy process. This means that you understand the facts, risks, benefits, alternatives and consequences of therapy, allowing you to make an independent, well-researched decision.

I start every initial session by asking clients if there’s anything they want to know about me, my office, different treatment styles, and other topics related to their mental health care. Some people come to their first appointment knowing exactly what they want to work on, while others may need a bit more guidance—that’s what we’re here for.

Asking questions is a part of developing the therapeutic relationship with your provider, which some experts say influences how successful therapy services are—and I agree. The professional relationship is significant because it determines your trust in your therapist’s ability to provide quality care. Plus, since you’re spilling out all your deepest and darkest secrets to them, you need to know they’re a safe person to do so with.

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5 Questions Your Therapist Wants You To Ask

1. "What is therapy?"

Asking about the basics of therapy is a question to ask during a consultation with your therapist or at your first appointment. As I mentioned, understanding this is part of giving informed consent to participate in mental health treatment. Other questions you might ask related to this are:

• What’s a good definition of therapy?

• What happens during a typical appointment?

• Are the stereotypes true?

Despite the myths portraying mental health treatment as something bad, going to therapy is very beneficial for everyone—no matter what you’re looking to get help for. You should leave your first session feeling more confident than you left in your progress and with a solid understanding of therapy.

2. "Can you rephrase that?"

The language therapists use during a session might not make sense to you, and that’s normal! If they’re throwing around a bunch of clinical terms or jargon, it’s okay to stop them and ask what they mean. However, if you have to ask this question at every session, you may need to discuss whether the therapist’s treatment style is a good fit for you. Psychoeducation is an essential part of therapy, but there’s a big difference between learning something and feeling confused after every session.

For example, I use a lot of metaphors, analogies, and other types of stories with clients to help them relate to the concept we’re learning about. Sometimes, the metaphor might have a clear meaning to me but not to my client. Taking the time to explain what I mean rather than jumping to another example helps my clients comprehend it better and allows me to know how they learn best.

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3. "Have you been in therapy before?"

You’ve probably heard that you shouldn’t ask your therapist personal questions; the answer to this question isn’t a simple yes or no. All therapists must follow a code of conduct, which serves as the framework of what we ethically should or shouldn’t do in a session or talk about with clients. And while keeping a separation between our personal and professional lives is important, we want you to know we’re human and not some clinical robot that only cares about insurance and scheduling.

That said, asking your therapist a personal question, like if they’ve been in therapy before, is pretty basic. It can be incredibly validating to know that your therapist has life experience with their services, creating a sense of connection and empathy. 

So, you can absolutely ask, but they may or may not answer it depending on whether they believe it is or isn’t in the best interest of your therapeutic relationship.

4. "Can I schedule another appointment?"

Sometimes, life happens in between sessions. When stress arises and you need more support, don’t hesitate to contact your therapist and ask for an additional appointment. We want to know that sessions are helping, which is one way we can measure the effectiveness of our interventions. Every therapist has different policies and availability, but this should be something you discuss at your first appointment. Plus, knowing how to schedule your regular sessions or additional appointments ensures you maintain a consistent therapeutic routine, something that’s vital to help you progress in therapy.

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5. "What do I do if I feel like it isn’t a good fit?"

Out of all the questions your therapist wants you to ask, this one is the most important. If you ever feel that the connection between you and your therapist isn’t working, it’s necessary to address it.

However, you should always, always, always communicate. Ghosting isn’t cool for anyone. Simply sharing how you feel helps you leave on good terms, which is what we always strive for. I tell clients that I would rather have a brief, awkward moment if it means that they’ll feel satisfied and comfortable with whatever their concerns are.

It’s our job to listen, so know that your therapist wants you to be open and honest with them. When you are, we can help you address the issue and explore solutions like modifying your treatment plan, referring you to a different therapist, or clearing up a miscommunication.

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