7 Forgiveness Phrases To Share With Someone, According to a Therapist
Two people holding hands in forgiveness
We’ve all been hurt by someone. Whether it’s a fight ending a friendship, being cheated on by a partner or a classmate undermining a group project, any situation where someone wrongs you can leave you resentful and angry. So what’s next? One option is to forgive.
The American Psychological Association defines forgiveness as “willfully putting aside feelings of resentment toward someone who has committed a wrong, been unfair or hurtful, or otherwise harmed you in some way.” While burying the hatchet can be hard, I have seven forgiveness phrases I recommend my therapy clients use when they're ready to receive the olive branch in a strained relationship.
Regardless of what you say when you forgive someone, research shows that resolving conflict does wonders for your mental and physical health. It lowers your risk of anxiety, depression, hypertension, chronic pain, disrupted sleep and cardiovascular issues.
As a therapist, forgiveness is a topic that comes up frequently in sessions. While it looks different for everyone, forgiveness takes a whole lot of courage and confidence—especially if it’s about something traumatic.
Clients often ask questions like “How do you forgive someone?” and “What does forgiveness look like?” One anxiety coping skill I help my clients learn is to picture their thoughts floating away like clouds, drifting far away from their mindsight. It’s easy to use the same imagery to envision forgiveness; whatever they’ve done will simply float away once you decide to accept an apology. However, sometimes, there’s more involved than only letting go. Words matter, so don’t skip planning what you’ll say when you tell someone you forgive them.
Related: 50 Bible Verses About Forgiveness That Will Inspire You and Help You Heal
How Do You Start a Forgiveness Conversation?
Forgiveness may bring up emotions like frustration, sadness or guilt. Address how you feel before speaking with anyone to avoid projecting them onto the other person. Your intention will be obvious if you allow yourself to feel your feelings and be present in the moment. But forgiveness is voluntary, so starting a conversation about it means consciously deciding to forgive someone. You're ready to forgive once you do these things.
Related: 12 of the Best 'I Statements' To Use in Arguments, According to Psychologists
7 Forgiveness Phrases To Share With Someone
After you’ve initiated the conversation, the next question is: can one simple sentence act as a bridge to rebuilding trust with the person who hurt you? If they’re an important person in your life, or you need forgiveness to gain closure on the offense, it’s worth investigating. Here are seven forgiveness phrases to share with someone as you remedy your relationship with them.
1. “I choose to let go of the past.”
When you carry the past with you, it weighs you down. Even worse, you can end up ruminating and obsessing over what happened. By letting go instead of remaining deeply invested in the incident, you’re giving yourself the freedom to know that the past is done and that you chose to move on. If you’re at this point in the forgiveness process, your commitment to a fresh start is one of the most important messages to get across to the other person in a conversation.
2. “I understand. We all make mistakes.”
Understanding and forgiving go hand in hand. But it’s important to ask yourself: Do I have all the details about what happened? Do I really get why they did what they did? If not, am I willing to give them the space to explain it? Answering yes to the last question indicates that you’re open to understanding their motive and ready to move toward forgiveness. It conveys a sense of non-judgment, making it easier for the person to open up and express their remorse and regret—paving the way toward reconciliation.
This statement is also one of the harder ones to include in a forgiveness conversation because it requires you to have authentic compassion and empathy for the person. If this isn’t possible, or you can’t recognize the mistake, this one might not be your best option.
3. “I can’t forget, but I can forgive you.”
It’s hard to release your anger or sadness when someone hurts you. While you might not be able to forget what they did, forgiving them can be a step toward healing. Saying this acknowledges the lasting impact of their actions while emphasizing your desire to approach reconciliation with caution and setting healthy boundaries for accountability. Experts also say that forgiveness leads to lower rates of anxiety and depression.
4. “I’m choosing healing and peace rather than conflict.”
The goal of reconciliation is always healing, whether for you or everyone involved. Again, choice is integral to forgiveness because it shows dedication; you’re not doing this out of obligation or because someone’s forcing you. It is possible to go from bitterness or resentment to peace and healing. When you choose this route, you’re choosing you—not conflict.
5. “Thank you for the apology.”
Thanking someone for the apology lightens the mood by letting them know you’re appreciative but aren’t justifying their actions. It replaces “it’s okay,” which is a typical response when someone apologizes but doesn’t account for how we truly feel. Saying “it’s okay” or “it’s all good” may be a knee-jerk reaction, but it can be harmful in the long run. Be honest about what bothers you rather than internalizing (holding it all in) so you can actually begin the forgiveness process.
6. “I don’t understand, but I’m choosing to forgive you.”
Sometimes, you don’t know the reason why someone hurts you. The confusion, disappointment and insecurity that come with the mystery of their actions can make it hard to accept an apology. Telling the person you don’t understand what they did, but you’re choosing to forgive, can encourage them to explain their perspective. This opens the door to better communication and understanding of the situation, allowing you to prioritize your relationship with the person and create a more straightforward path to healing.
Related: 35 Powerful Phrases When You Need Emotional and Spiritual Repair and Relief
7. “I’m taking my strength back by forgiving you.”
Forgiveness takes strength and courage. It’s a choice you make to heal the pain, not a sign of weakness or that you’re surrendering. Depending on the situation, circumstances like trauma, abuse or neglect may take more courage than you initially thought. Don’t be discouraged about how long it takes you to forgive, even if it’s something you choose not to do. However, if it is, acknowledge the strength it took to get there.
How Do You End a Forgiveness Conversation?
As you wrap up a forgiveness conversation, look forward to the future. Consider what you want your relationship with that person to look like—if you're going to have one with them at all. If so, end positively, saying, “I’m looking forward to focusing on the future and leaving the past behind.” If the thought of having them in your life makes you cringe, it’s probably best to end the conversation with a simple thanks and one of the statements we’ve already talked about.
Remember, remaining open and honest is the key to having a positive forgiveness experience, especially if it took a significant amount of strength or time to get to the point where you’re ready to accept an apology.
Next: How To Stop Worrying That Someone Is Mad at You, According to a Psychologist
