7 Helpful Phrases for Politely Expressing a Different Opinion, According to a Psychologist
Two people sharing opinions together in a conversation
You know what they say about opinions. The G-rated version is that opinions are like belly buttons. Everyone has one. Of course, as we've seen over the last several years , it can be challenging to share one effectively.
"Sharing opinions can be difficult, and emotions can sometimes get in the way of effective communication," says Dr. Michele Goldman, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor.
While some people are quick to share their point of view (but not always in a productive way), Dr. Goldman says expressing a viewpoint leaves people open to vulnerability, judgment and self-doubt. Negative past experiences sharing an opinion may also make a person hesitant to share one.
"Other people fear that sharing an opinion might lead to a disagreement, especially if someone in the receiving audience shares a different opinion," Dr. Goldman says. "Some people are conflict-avoidant, and therefore more likely to hesitate to share their opinion."
Yet, having some phrases in your back pocket can be useful even (especially) if you tend to shy away from vocalizing one of your beliefs.
"It can be difficult to share an impromptu opinion, but we might be in the situation to do so one day, such as at work, with a partner and with a friend," Dr. Goldman says. "Having some go-to phrases can be helpful to increase your feeling that you will be able to communicate effectively and your receiving audience will hear your shared thoughts."
Dr. Goldman gave her take on the best phrases for sharing your particular outlook and provided tips and tools for effectively crafting your own script.
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7 Useful Phrases for Sharing an Opinion
1. "I have thoughts on this. Maybe we can connect at a time that works for us both, and I can share some of what I’ve been thinking."
Put on the spot? Take a beat—you don't always have to respond right away.
"This phrase gives you time to think through what you want to say but also gives you the opportunity to then remind the other person of your desire to have a conversation when it is convenient," Dr. Goldman says.
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2. "My perspective might be different than yours. I want to hear what your thoughts are, and then I can share my thoughts with you."
Sharing an opinion is a conversation—and the best discussions are two-way streets. Dr. Goldman likes that this statement acknowledges a difference in perspective and follows it up with a desire to hear a person's thoughts, even though they aren't the same as yours.
"You are communicating, 'I care about what you think,' while also implying, 'I hope you care about what I think, too,'" Dr. Goldman says.
3. “If my opinion is warranted, I’m happy to share.”
Dr. Goldman says this phrase is useful in situations with a clear chain of command, such as work.
"At times, especially in relationships where someone has more power, like a boss, everyone’s opinion is not valued, nor is it appropriate to share," Dr. Goldman says. "This phrase clarifies the context."
It might also be helpful in situations like sharing parenting or health advice.
4. “I’ve thought and researched about this and am happy to share my thoughts with you.”
These sentences ask for permission to share your thoughts but also let you position yourself as someone who has done their homework. If and when you do get the green light to share, people are more likely to listen in.
"By informing other people of the work you’ve done ahead of time, it inherently increases the chance that your opinion will hold more weight," Dr. Goldman says.
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5. “It is my understanding that…”
Dr. Goldman likes that this statement serves as a preface that you're sharing your interpretation of something.
"The only thing you are sharing is your understanding; you are not saying anyone else’s understanding is right or wrong," Dr. Goldman says. "You’re simply saying what you understand or what conclusion you have drawn."
6. “I appreciate your perspective. In my opinion…”
You heard someone out. Now, you'd like to floor to give a different perspective. Dr. Goldman recommends pulling out this phrase.
"You can acknowledge their contribution to the conversation, hold space for their opinion, and then move into your own opinions," Dr. Goldman says. "Share what you believe and think, even if it is a different opinion from that of those around you."
7. “I’m open to feedback and questions and am open to building on ideas that others share. Speaking from my personal experience, I believe…”
Dr. Goldman loves that this phrase sets a tone that you're open, flexible and collaborative.
"You are also sharing beliefs from a personal experience and lived perspective," Dr. Goldman says. "This type of statement is kind yet firm and assertive. It is open and cooperative while allowing space for your beliefs."
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4 Tips for Sharing an Opinion Effectively
1. Keep calm
Rule No. 1: Maintain a respectful tone.
"As much as possible, try to remain calm," Dr. Goldman says. "This allows you to get to the core of what you want to say [and] deliver it in a direct way. It increases the probability that other people will hear your opinion."
2. Affirm other people's opinions
Even opinions different than yours have validity. Keeping that top of mind can improve how your take lands.
"When people are validated, they are more open and able to listen," Dr. Goldman says. "If you validate someone else, they’ll be more likely to validate and hold space for your opinion. This creates the feelings of healthy dialogue being welcome between people with opposing opinions."
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3. Semantics matter
How you say something is important, but so is what you say.
"Word choice also matters," Dr. Goldman says. "If your tone is even but your message is vague, people will not remember your message. We want people to be engaged and have high regard for you when you speak, so be mindful of the semantics and delivery of your message."
4. Be fair and willing to compromise
This one can be a challenge.
"Just because you share your opinion does not mean it will go your way," Dr. Goldman says. "Be aware that sometimes your opinion is valid and still will not be honored. We have to be willing and able to compromise with another person, especially if we are invested in this relationship and want the relationship to continue...Rigidity with opinion-sharing can lead to stalemates."
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What to Avoid When Sharing an Opinion
Rude tone and poor timing. "Do not shout or yell," Dr. Goldman warns. "Do not speak with a condescending tone."
Dr. Goldman advises people to be kind, inviting and cordial in tone while remaining assertive in their opinion. Also?
"Read the room," Dr. Goldman says. "Do not share at times when people are screaming or 100 people are talking at once. Think about who you want to receive your message and how to increase your chances that you will be heard and respected."
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Source
Dr. Michele Goldman, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation
