7 Phrases That Work Better Than the Silent Treatment
Couple giving each other the silent treatment
As children, we are often exposed to fairy tales. Stories where two people find themselves in a relationship where everything is perfect all the time. Stories where couples are always in good moods, always get along with one another and arguments never happen. However, when you get older and start to date, you realize that relationships aren’t exactly like that in real life and in order to get your happily ever after with someone you love, you have to put in the work.
That is especially true when it comes to how you handle arguments with each other. While getting in a disagreement with your partner can be hard to navigate, the fact that people are usually never taught the right and wrong ways to respond in fights makes it even harder to know what to do. That’s why everyone reacts differently. One of those ways is giving someone the silent treatment.
However, the silent treatment isn’t the best method to use. Psychologist and author Dr. Therese Mascardo, along with psychiatrist Dr. Raafat Girgis, say it’s one of the least effective ways to resolve a conflict.
“The silent treatment is a way of responding to something upsetting, where you provide little to no verbal communication or where you ignore someone completely,” Mascardo tells Parade, explaining that it tends to do more harm than good. “It has the tendency to escalate conflict and make it worse, which can cause irreparable damage to a relationship.”
Girgis agrees, adding, “Using it is hurtful and will start a pattern of emotional instability between the two of you.”
The good news is that there are simple things you can say instead of resorting to the silent treatment. And, fortunately, our experts have provided Parade with seven phrases you and your significant other can use instead of the silent treatment.
Related: 5 Reasons Why Some People Just Can't Apologize, According to a Therapist—Plus, What They Tend To Say Instead
7 Phrases That Work Better Than the Silent Treatment
If you’re guilty of using this method, have you ever thought to yourself, “What can I say instead of giving the silent treatment?" If so, you’re not the only one. Tons of people have trouble breaking this habit.
Mascardo tells Parade that some people resort to the silent treatment as a response when they don’t know how to express their upset feelings.
That’s why our experts have compiled some alternatives you can use instead. So the next time you’re struggling to find your voice, try referring to one of these seven phrases.
Related: 13 Perfect Responses to a Narcissist's Texts, According to Psychologists
1. “I’m angry about what you said, and need to get some fresh air so I don’t say something I regret. I’ll be ready to talk about this later.”
This sentence says a lot. That’s why it’s a great alternative to the silent treatment. Mascardo explains that by using this phrase, you provide information about your upset feelings and also express to the other person that you need to take a pause to regroup before continuing your discussion.
Related: 11 Phrases To Respond to Guilt-Tripping and Why They Work, According to Psychologists
2. “I’m really upset and need some space so I can clear my head and not say something out of frustration. I’ll reach out in a few hours/tonight/tomorrow.”
If your first instinct during a disagreement is to give the other person the silent treatment and leave, try resorting to this phrase first. Why? It lets the other person know you are mad and it also explains that you care about them, but you need to step away so you can pull your thoughts together before you can respond.
Mascardo tells Parade she likes this phrase because it also includes a specific time frame of when you will reconnect with them. “It lets the other person know that when you leave you’re just taking care of your needs, not leaving for good,” she explains.
Related: 11 Phrases To Use if Someone Says You're 'Too Sensitive'
3. “Can we find a better time to talk about how we are going to work through this?”
Sometimes, finding the right words to use can be difficult. If you are not the one giving the silent treatment and you’re unsure of what to do in that situation, Girgis says to try this line. “It allows the other person to have some space to come back to the discussion when they are comfortable,” he tells Parade. “You can even suggest a time and a date.”
Related: 8 Phrases To Replace Saying 'It's OK' When It's Really Not OK, According to Psychologists
4. “I have a lot I’m processing right now and need some time. Can we talk in the morning?”
If you’re feeling really angry during an argument and need some extra time to think about what you want to say, consider using this phrase instead of completely shutting down and not saying anything at all.
“Receiving the silent treatment can lead to feelings of abandonment or trigger memories of past hurts,” Mascardo shares. “This phrase can help reduce the damage that the silent treatment would cause.”
Related: 17 Phrases To Respond to Constructive Criticism, According to Psychologists
5. “I’m not ok with what just happened. Please give me a little distance until I’m ready to talk about it.”
“Oftentimes, the silent treatment leaves one person completely in the dark about what’s going on, or trying to guess what the other person needs or wants,” Mascardo tells Parade. However, if you use a phrase like this, Mascardo says it helps you avoid doing that because you are expressing how you feel to your partner and telling them what you need at that moment.
Related: 12 of the Best 'I Statements' To Use in Arguments, According to Psychologists
6. “I need to step outside for some fresh air and to cool my head. I’ll be back in about 20 minutes.”
It’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed in certain situations where you don’t want to talk about something anymore. When that happens, Mascardo suggests using this phrase instead of going silent.
“This is effective because it communicates that you’re calming yourself down and not abandoning the person who upset you,” she says. “If you want to be really communicative, you could also include some words to help explain what you’re feeling and why you need to step away for a moment.”
Related: 7 Phrases To Ask for Support, According to a Therapist
7. “Your opinion means a great deal to me, that is why I am coming to you for direction. Please let me know your thoughts on this topic.”
If your partner gives you the silent treatment, Girgis recommends not confronting them about it in a cruel way. “This line of approach is effective due to the fact that you are starting the question with a compliment, as well as asking for direction,” he says. “Often, it isn’t so much the words that create the shutdown, it is the tone in which you approach someone.”
Next: 7 Forgiveness Phrases To Share With Someone, According to a Therapist
