7 Signs You’re in a One-Sided Relationship, According to Psychologists
Couple in a one-sided relationship having an argument
Romantic relationships traditionally involve two people—and two is a keyword.
"Healthy relationships typically include a fairly equal give and take," explains Dr. Susan Trotter, Ph.D., a relationship expert and coach. "They involve mutual commitment, connection, honesty, contribution and trust, and they tend to make you feel safe, connected, loved, confident and secure."
On the other hand, one-sided relationships can leave a person feeling rather lonely, even if they're sharing a sofa with someone. There are considerable downsides to relationships that feel more like a one-way street.
"One-sided relationships may leave a partner feeling unfulfilled, unheard and ultimately unhappy," explains Dr. Tara M. Lally, Ph.D., the supervising psychologist at Ocean University Medical Center.
If you feel like you're in a one-sided relationship, it's worth hitting the breaks and assessing whether it's time to recalibrate. Psychologists shared the signs of a one-sided relationship and how to tip the balance.
7 Signs of a One-Sided Relationship, According to Psychologists
1. Your mental health is deteriorating
One-sided relationships can trigger or exacerbate stress, anxiety and depression.
"Stress can cause people to feel exhausted and lead to significant physical and emotional symptoms," Dr. Trotter says. "You may have trouble sleeping, have issues with eating or sleeping, and have reduced energy."
Low energy, appetite changes and sleep issues are also signs of depression. People with depression also find it hard to enjoy activities they once loved. Finally, one-sided relationships can be particularly problematic for people already struggling with or at a higher risk for anxiety.
"Being in an imbalanced relationship can lead to insecurity and serious anxiety because you don’t know where you stand with the other person," Trotter says.
Related: 11 Phrases To Use That Communicate 'You've Hurt Me,' According to Psychologists
2. You're the planner
Planning vacations and date nights can be fun—yet exhausting. One expert says it's a flag you're always the one initiating these activities—as in, your partner never, ever offers to help.
"As the taker has a generally lackadaisical approach to the relationship, the giver is often forced to take the lead in creating joint activities that promote a sense of fun and connection in the relationship," says Dr. Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and host of the podcast Imperfect Love.
Dr. Lally agrees that this behavior is a sign of an imbalanced relationship. Moreover, Dr. Manly shares that it's more problematic if the person has no problem initiating time with colleagues and pals.
"Although the taker may have no problem initiating activities with friends or coworkers, there will be a discernable lack of interest in creating bonding opportunities with a romantic partner," Dr. Manly explains.
Related: 7 Warning Signs You're in a Codependent Relationship, According to a Therapist
3. You constantly initiate conversation and conflict resolution
Speaking of taking the initiative, "mum" is the favorite word of a "taker" in a relationship.
"The giver in a one-sided relationship often bears the burden of initiating conversations, even minor ones, about daily activities or to-do lists," Dr. Manly says. "When it comes to conflict resolution, the giver is often left solely in charge of resolving problems while the taker often ignores—or openly fights against—the important task of resolving conflicts."
And that brings us to...
4. You are always apologizing
Drs. Lally and Trotter agree that chronic apologizing from just one person in the relationship is a clue there's an imbalance going on. Dr. Trotter says this behavior is especially common in relationships in which one person is controlling and another is anxiety-prone.
5. You feel completely disconnected
Give and take builds connection in healthy relationships, as the conflict builds mutual understanding. Imbalanced relationships often skip over both, meaning a couple constantly misses opportunities to grow and connect.
"When you feel like you’re doing all the work and still not feeling connected, it is likely that you are experiencing a one-sided relationship," Trotter explains.
Related: 10 Classic Mind Games Narcissists Play in a Relationship, According to Psychologists
6. You constantly feel undervalued, unappreciated and ignored
Yikes, right? One-sided relationships often feature more of the above feelings than the warm and fuzzies.
"The giver in a one-sided relationship will often feel as if they are more of an invisible automaton than a loved, cherished partner," Dr. Manly says. "The taker—who relies on being catered to—is generally unwilling to show any true appreciation; this often stems from strong narcissistic tendencies."
Related: 11 Common Signs You're 'Parenting' Your Partner, According to Psychologists
7. The resentment is real
Finally, a sign and massive risk of a one-sided relationship is a chronic feeling of resentment for the other person and the relationship in general.
"A person in a one-sided relationship may put on a cheery, willing face, but there is often an underlying sense of resentment due to the partner’s lack of investment," Dr. Manly exlains.
How To Fix a One-Sided Relationship
1. Journal freely
Bring pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard or touchscreen) and just go off about the parts of a relationship that feel unfair.
"The more objective clarity you have about the issues, the better you’ll be able to speak to your partner—or a therapist—about the issues," Dr. Manly says. "As takers are often excellent at gaslighting and avoiding responsibility, it’s helpful to have clear examples of the imbalances in the relationship."
Related: 8 Phrases That Are Simple, Effective Ways To 'Check In' With Your Partner
2. Examine your role
Remember, relationships are a two-way street, so the hard truth is that even the workhorse in the situation shares responsibility for how things are. However, there are benefits to self-awareness. For example, Dr. Manly says that recognizing factors—like if you're prone to people-pleasing—can help you shift behavior.
"Once you begin to shift any behaviors that perpetuate the giving-too-much cycle, the relationship will change, though often not without a great deal of resistance from the taker," Dr. Manly says.
Dr. Trotter agrees, adding that self-awareness can actually be empowering.
"We ultimately only have control over our own behavior, so it can be helpful to look at your own actions and start there in making changes," Dr. Trotter says. "The dynamic will often start to shift in some way when one person makes changes. Then, you can see the areas to work on further."
Related: 8 Phrases To Replace Saying 'It's OK' When It's Really Not OK, According to Psychologists
3. Communicate
Communication is often an issue in unhealthy relationships, including the imbalanced variety. Flip the script.
"Talk with your partner openly and calmly about your concerns," Dr. Manly suggests. "Be prepared for resistance from the taker—after all, they won’t want to lose what they see as a beneficial dynamic—but work to enforce new boundaries that facilitate mutual investment in the relationship."
Related: 11 Small Things That Happy, Healthy Couples Always Do, According to a Therapist
4. Get help
If you and yours need help to recalibrate the balance in a relationship, try seeking an objective third party.
"If after increasing communication and expressing feelings, one still feels as if the relationship is one-sided, then seeking professional help through couples counseling is recommended," Dr. Lally explains.
Related: 15 Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Husband
When To End a One-Sided Relationship
Breaking up is hard to do, but it may be the best course in a one-sided relationship.
"In many cases, the taker in a relationship simply does not want to change," Dr. Manly says. "They’d rather see the relationship end—and then find a new person to take advantage of—than to step up to the plate to create balance."
If the above tips have all been swings and misses, it may be time to say, "I'm out."
"If you’re with a partner who refuses to work at being fair, grateful and contributory, it’s often wise to step away from the relationship," Dr. Manly says. "Although changing from a taker into a mutual giver will take time, a partner who invests in creating slow, steady shifts is often worth sticking with in the long term."
Next: 7 of the Most Common Reasons Why Couples Get Divorced, According to Relationship Therapists
Sources
Dr. Susan Trotter, Ph.D., a relationship expert and coach
Dr. Tara M. Lally, Ph.D., the supervising psychologist at Ocean University Medical Center
Dr. Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and host of the podcast Imperfect Love
