8 Genius Comebacks for Dealing With a Manipulator, According to Psychologists
Psychological manipulation concept
When it comes to master manipulators, movies are full of them. From Regina George in Mean Girls and Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada, to Mother Gothel in Tangled, the list goes on and on. And while you may think you’ll never encounter someone in real life who shares the same controlling and sneaky techniques that allow them to influence you, it happens more often than you’d think.
That’s why we reached out to psychologists Dr. Carolyn Rubenstein, Dr. Nadia Teymoorian and Dr. Pritika B Gonsalves. They've broken down some of the common signs of manipulation and provided tips on how to deal with manipulative people—including phrases to disarm them—since it’s not always as easy when you’re not on the outside looking in.
Related: 35 Common Gaslighting Phrases in Relationships and How To Respond, According to Therapists
Who Can Be Considered a 'Manipulative Person'?
Unfortunately, anyone in your life can fall into the category of "manipulator."
“It can be an employer attempting to motivate you to be more productive, a friend who uses tactics to persuade you to do something you do not want to do, or a family member who uses guilt and pressures to enforce their will on you to follow the rules of the home,” Teymoorian tells Parade.
Because of this, sometimes you can be manipulated without even knowing it’s happening. “It can be challenging to recognize if you're being manipulated because manipulators are skilled at disguising their intentions and do it very easily because they usually know their victims very well,” Gonsalves explains.
How Do You Know if You're Being Manipulated?
Rubenstein says there are multiple things you can look out for. “Manipulators exploit emotional connections, making it difficult for others to suspect or acknowledge manipulation,” she reveals. “They start with minor behaviors that gradually escalate, which blur the line of when the behavior becomes manipulative. Tactics like gaslighting, where an individual’s reality is questioned, and playing the victim, which deflects blame and evokes sympathy, are also commonly used. Additionally, manipulators even use flattery, or often feign ignorance, to throw an individual off balance.”
If you are ever in a situation where you feel like someone is trying to manipulate you, don’t worry, our experts have come up with several different things you can say to stop them. Check some of them out, below!
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8 Phrases to Disarm Manipulative People, According to Psychologists
1. “Can you explain why you think this is necessary?”
According to Rubenstein, this comeback requires the manipulator to justify their request or statement—putting the focus back on them. She says it’s effective because it requires them to clarify their intentions and reveal underlying manipulative motives.
2. "I appreciate your concern, but I'll make my own decision."
Using this phrase is a great way to set boundaries, says Gonsalves.
“This response establishes your autonomy and asserts that you have the right to make choices for yourself. It sets a boundary and lets the manipulator know that their attempts to control you won't work,” she states.
3. “I am uncomfortable with what you’re asking.”
Teymoorian tells Parade that highlighting your emotions puts a spotlight on the emotional impact of the manipulator’s actions.
“Stating your feelings is always important,” she clarifies. “The manipulator will try to invalidate how you feel, so it’s good to be firm and do not allow your emotions to be dictated. You are in charge of how you respond.”
Rubenstein agrees, adding, “This response is helpful because it directly addresses the manipulative behavior and makes it harder for them to dismiss or invalidate your perspective."
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4. "No, thank you. I'm confident in my decision."
Gonsalves suggests using this sentence because it asserts your confidence and self-assurance.
“It shows that you trust yourself and your judgment, which can undermine the manipulator's attempts to make you doubt yourself. It reinforces your independence and personal agency,” she says.
5. “No.”
Sometimes, the best response is just saying, “No.”
Teymoorian and Rubenstein say it is the most powerful comeback and very underutilized. However, it works so well because it sets a clear boundary that requires no additional justification and it’s your right to reply that way.
6. “Let's stick to the facts here.”
This simple phrase is actually pretty strong, Rubenstein reveals.
“This comeback is helpful when a manipulator is using emotional or misleading arguments. It redirects the conversation to objective information, reducing the impact of manipulative tactics based on emotions or reality distortions,” she says.
7. “I need some time to think about this.”
By pausing, Gonsalves explains you prevent yourself from being rushed into a decision, which is a common tactic in manipulation.
“Taking time to reflect before responding gives you space to evaluate the situation objectively,” she says. “It prevents you from being pressured into a decision and allows you to gather your thoughts and make a more informed choice.”
Rubenstein agrees, adding, “This time allows you to evaluate the situation objectively, reducing the manipulator’s immediate influence.”
8. “I’m not going to participate.”
Teymoorian says that sometimes, you have to put your foot down.
“Confrontation is something manipulators attempt to avoid by putting blame on others, so making a firm statement to refuse participation is direct communication,” she explains.
Related: 10 Classic Mind Games Narcissists Play in a Relationship, According to Psychologists
What Not to Say When Responding to a Manipulative Person
1. “You're right, I'm sorry. I'll do whatever you want."
Gonsalves tells Parade that responding in this matter will make them keep doing it. “This response validates the manipulator's behavior and gives them power over you. It reinforces their belief that manipulation is an effective tactic and encourages them to continue using it,” she reveals.
Related: 10 Phrases To Replace Saying 'Sorry' as a Reflex, According to a Therapist
2. “I am sorry, I would like to help you, but I am too busy.”
While this may seem like a normal reply to someone when your work is piling up, Teymoorian suggests never using it with someone at your office who is known for manipulating others.
“Never make excuses for saying 'no' or not being willing to participate because if you apologize, you keep the door open for the manipulation to continue,” she warns.
3. “Maybe...”
Rubenstein says when you show any sign of hesitation about something, it can put you in a position where a manipulator will try to take advantage of that situation.
“It’s okay to ask for additional time, but when you add in the ‘maybe,’ you’re not taking a firm stand which can signal to the manipulator that you’re indecisive and more easily swayed,” she explains.
4. "I don't want to argue, so I'll just do it."
You never want to say a phrase like this because it will backfire on you in the future and continue the manipulation.
“By avoiding conflict and giving in to the manipulator's demands, this response enables their behavior and perpetuates a cycle of manipulation,” Gonsalves points out. “It disregards your own needs and desires, leading to feelings of resentment and dissatisfaction.”
5. “Yeah, sure.”
In most cases, saying “yes” to someone who is asking you to do something is normal. However, you have to be careful about using terms like that when responding to a manipulator.
“This shows submission and reinforces the behavior of the manipulator. It may encourage them to continue or intensify their tactics,” Rubenstein says.
6. "I can't decide. You can pick."
Showing that you’re not able to choose something on your own only invites a manipulator to prey on you more, explains Gonsalves.
“This response relinquishes your autonomy and independence. It reinforces the manipulator's control over you and diminishes your self-confidence. It also creates an unhealthy dynamic where you become dependent on the manipulator's decision-making,” she notes.
Next: 35 Phrases To Disarm a Narcissist and Why They Do the Trick, According to Therapists
