From to alcoholism to Oakwood - a woman's journey to sobriety
Bridget Vasko is a living miracle. It is written.
“We, who have recovered from serious drinking, are miracles,” reads the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book, on page 133 about mental health. It’s what those who have experienced believe to be true.
It is because of Oakwood Home for Women, and the 12 steps of AA, that Vasko says she is able to claim 11 years of sobriety.
Standing with a bit of grandeur, the two-story historic white house on Highland Ave has transformed the lives of countless women for 50 years. Oakwood is a temporary residential home for women recovering from alcoholism and substance abuse.
It’s a place that Vasko is incredibly grateful for, “It’s my safety, it’s my heart.”
Yet when she first laid eyes on Oakwood it was a place promised solutions to problems she was not yet willing to admit she had.
Looking back, it seems drinking was always in Vasko’s life. She remembers taking her first sip of beer from her parent’s bottle at the age of four, and she enjoyed it. Drinking was always in her home, she was the errand girl who ran to the corner store to grab beer and cigarettes for her parents.
Her mother was an alcoholic to the day she died, of Cirrhosis. It was a home that ran on chaos. Her mother had fits of rages, and insults were common jokes, “There was never any encouragement on being who you were or who you could be.”
“That crushes you as a child. I became what they thought I would be,” Vasko recalls.
She learned that when she got angry people would leave her alone and when she was funny, she acquired admiration. It became the two emotions that she became most comfortable with.
Other abuses she suffered were not believed and by middle school, she was skipping school and drinking with her friends, “I didn't have big aspirations for life.”
Her rebellious ways only enhanced her unstable life as her unresolved traumas demanded more self-medication.
Her deep need to feel loved resulted in a baby by age 16 and a marriage that quickly turned violent. She escaped, more trauma to be buried, more alcohol used to cope.
She surrounded herself with friends who also drank like she did, masking the growing problem as a normal way of life.
Her daughter was her best friend, and Vasko did the best she could. Her desire for a better life led her into another marriage, which also became violent. Soon after her second child was born she escaped, again.
It was her third marriage that has lasted to this very day. It provided her another child and a home in Broadmore with a white picket fence, “I finally found the one that was really good to me and loved me unconditionally and I still was not deep inside happy. I was still searching.”
On the outside things looked good, but it was the inside where things were falling apart. She led her home as her mother did, with fits of rage.
She was suffering from depression and used alcohol to mask it, “I had an unhappiness deep inside of me that I had not explored yet.”
When alcohol stopped working as effectively as it used to, she explored other drugs, always trying to fill the ‘void’. She favored Meth above all others.
Regardless of how unmanaged things got, she felt she could control it. What was becoming more of an issue, with problems she could not hide, was her gambling addiction.
She had reached a point in her life when choices were limited, she had backed herself in a corner. The consequences were severe enough for her to seek help. She went into treatment for gambling and was exposed to the 12 steps of recovery.
It was suggested she go to Oakwood to live. She agreed, but only because there were no other options, no other place to go.
She was not yet ready to admit her drinking was a problem. She resentfully followed their rules. It is a long list including an early curfew, no interaction with romantic partners, a chore list, and what seemed like endless others. “We are trying to live life on life’s terms. These rules are not arbitrary, but necessary,” is written on the list.
Executive Director of Oakwood Jessica Ritchie sees the long list of rules as what it takes to reach sobriety, “They are 50 years of what works and what doesn’t. The rules are laid out as a design for teaching women what it’s like to live everyday life without drugs and alcohol.”
Vasko adjusted, she would even recite the Serenity Prayer every morning.
Nevertheless, every day she found herself of thinking about how, if given the chance, she would leave. After four months it came and she did not hesitate, she was out. Within days she was drinking again.
However, that serenity prayer and all those rules left an impression, one she could not shake. “It ruined my drinking career,” she recalled, “There is a reason why it's a routine. It sticks in you, and you remember these positive things.”
Within the year she asked to come back to Oakwood, finally admitting what everyone else knew, “I’m an alcoholic."
That little bit of honesty was strong enough to start tearing down the walls that Vasko had built up around her. She was able to become what she had always feared, vulnerable.
She was vulnerable enough to admit her faults, vulnerable enough to allow others to love her, and vulnerable enough to love back.
The relationships she formed inside that house would transform her, “They loved me, they showed me that they wouldn't abandon me even though I'm not perfect.”
“When I was drinking and using, I hated the world around me. I only picked and chose people to be near me that I could get something out of.”
At Oakwood, Vasko was creating relationships that have lasted to this day, “We have a bond that is unbreakable.”
One of the closest friendships she made was with Kelly Byers. She was not an Oakwood resident but attended the women’s AA meeting there. In Kelly, she found someone who looked at her with pure love, it’s how she looked at everyone, “She loved every soul on this earth that she met. She radiated sunshine.”
It was a friendship based on honesty, “I can only be the best Bridget I can be if I'm genuine. All any of us want is just true genuine friendship and love.”
The friendship would also test Vasko in ways she could not imagine.
Byers was diagnosed with cancer. It was a battle she would not win.
Vasko’s first reaction was to run, “I cannot handle this, I can't watch her die.”
But Vasko also knew that that was not really an option, “It wasn't about me, it was about being there and sharing that experience with her. At the end of the day, none of us are going to make it out of here alive.”
It’s an experience with a mixture of extreme emotions. There was pain but there was also joy. There was hope but there was also hopelessness. One constant was love, there was always love.
Through it all, Vasko was sober. It was the ultimate gift to her friend, but also for herself. Vasko was ‘living life on life’s terms’.
“In sobriety work and the 12 steps, you learn the steps to live,” says Vasko. “I share my story to bring hope to someone who may share some of the same traumas that I have.”
She has something she never had before, an inner peace, and she wants to pass it on, “You don’t have to be defined by your baggage of the past.”
Where to find help
Council on Alcoholism & Drug Abuse of Northwest Louisiana (CADA)
Alcoholics Anonymous Central Office of Shreveport, LA
The annual banquet to benefit Oakwood Home for Women is August 21, 2024, at 6 p.m. at Broadmoor United Methodist Church. More information can be found on the Oakwood Home for Women Facebook page.
This article originally appeared on Shreveport Times: From to alcoholism to Oakwood - a woman's journey to sobriety
