'America’s Got Talent' Magic Man Jon Dorenbos on Finding Forgiveness after Tragedy in 'Life is Magic'
America's Got Talent Season 11 third-place finalist Jon Dorenbos, who also competed on America's Got Talent: The Champions, returns to AGT tonight to share a little magic. The former two-time Pro Bowl long snapper for the Philadelphia Eagles has had an event-filled life, which he shared in a memoir. Below is the interview Parade did for the release of his book in November 2019, which seems fitting to share again with his return to the AGT stage.
When Jon Dorenbos was 12 years old, he lost both of his parents when his father went to prison for murdering his mother. More recently, doctors discovered he had a heart aneurysm so serious that it should have killed him. He survived, but it did end his football career.
Not a sequence of happy events, but today, Dorenbos thrives and has co-authored Life is Magic: My Inspiring Journey from Tragedy to Self-Discovery, a book that is not just his life story, which is interesting in and of itself, but the journey of self-discovery he went on in order to get past the tragedy and create a happy life.
“We can find motivation in these horrible things that happen,” Dorenbos told Parade.com in this exclusive interview. “If we can find something that makes us a better person because of it, it makes us able to stack up and keep going.”
The former NFL star, who won America over with his close-up magic on both America’s Got Talent and America’s Got Talent: Champions, now tours the country performing magic and giving motivational speeches, is a regular on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, and is happily married and the proud father of 5-month old daughter.
Related: America's Got Talent: The Champions Magician Jon Dorenbos Talks the Finale, Shin Lim and Baby News
You've told your story on TV, on both Ellen and on America’s Got Talent. What made you want to take the next step and write a book?
A lot of people throughout the years said, “Hey, you should write a book,” and I never felt it was the right time, or the right people were involved in the project, until now. I knew what I finally wanted to say. Once you write a book, it’s out there forever. For me, the book was about finding forgiveness and happiness. I didn’t want it to be another sports book. I didn’t want it to be too preachy. I’m really proud to say that I don't have a Ph.D., but the things that I’ve gone through in life have been pretty serious, and I found happiness, and I’m really proud of that.
I let go of bitterness and hate, and realized that how I redefine forgiveness has changed my life for the better, and, ultimately, it ended with me, weeks before my daughter was born, going to see my dad, who murdered my mom, for the first time in 26 years. I sat and I had lunch with him for about five-and-a-half hours.
I wanted to feel all of those emotions again. Everything about losing my parents, about what a father-son relationship should’ve been like, all the things that he and I missed out on together, I just wanted to feel all of that moments before I had my own daughter.
I feel like we have a choice. We can be victims in life. We can live in circumstance, or we can live in vision. Bad things are going to happen and that’s just the way life is, and that’s something that all of us will forever have in common. It doesn't matter your race or religion. It doesn't matter how much money you have. We’re all going to have in common the fact that sometimes we get kicked down and there’s a moment there that define us, and there’s a moment there to appreciate.
Is the meeting with your father in the book or did that happen after you wrote it?
That’s the end. The book is the trial. I kept a journal for two years in therapy, so it’s the trial, it’s the therapy, and then it’s everything that happened in between: How I got to my career, being traded, having open-heart surgery, and then my wife getting pregnant, and me going to see my dad and having closure. Seeing him was like the closing of this whole chapter of my life, while this new chapter began with my daughter.
How are you doing these days health-wise?
Rock and roll. I had about an 11-hour surgery, and I was in the hospital about 30 days post-surgery. One of the main problems that I had is that a lot of my blood was leaking back into my heart through a valve, and so my heart was working way too hard for way too long and it got way too big. Once I had the aneurysm fixed, my heart was still too big. Think about it like a pair of sweatpants, if you stretch the sweatpants out, the waistband doesn't snap back, so my heart got stretched. The big concern was that it wasn't going to snap back, right, and so the squeeze, pumping blood, was stretched out.
Long story short, 60 percent is awesome. If your heart is 60 percent in strength, you're amazing. If you're not above 50, then your life expectancy is mid-50s, and you're probably looking at a transplant. I was high 20s, 30s, and it usually takes a year-and-a-half for your heart to determine where it’ll be, and there’s nothing you can do to help it. It either snaps back or it doesn't.
So finally, at my two-year checkup, which just happened a few months ago, it was the first time I got over 50 percent in strength, which means we don't need to talk about a transplant or any of that. As of right now, I’m good to go. I’m on a couple of pills for the rest of my life, but not a big deal, and I’m happy to be alive.
With everything you went through, it was magic that kept you going, kept you together through the dark periods of your life.
When I lost my parents, a friend of a friend who was a magician, did a few tricks for me, and that was it, I was hooked. Then I moved to Southern California with my aunt. She adopted my sister and me, and that is where I saw this guy Bill Malone on TV. I was like, “Oh my, gosh, this is amazing. I just want to keep diving into this world.”
I didn’t realize this until I was older, but I found an outlet that I could carry with me anywhere, and I found an outlet that when I was shuffling cards, the world just quieted around me. All the noise and chatter, and all of the bitterness and confusion, adult issues if you will, they just disappeared. So, I was just a kid, and I found 52 buddies that never lie to me, that always tell me when I’m wrong.
If I sit down at a table, or if I need to make a decision, I just shuffle cards, and usually I’ll stand up and that decision will be clear in my head. It’s been amazing. It’s funny, because when you're a professional athlete, one of the top questions you get asked is, “What’s you're favorite sound in sports.” “Hey, Jon. You've been in the NFL for 14 years. What’s your favorite sound in sports?” I always tell them it’s the sound of cards riffling, the sound of cards shuffling. That, to me, is my favorite sound in sports.
Do you think of magic as a sport?
Let me tell you this, when you're 13 years old, trying to find yourself, and you're telling yourself that you're cool as hell, yeah, it’s a sport.
How has telling your story made people reach out to you?
It’s one of those things where I don't know if I truly understood the magnitude until I went and saw Mike Tyson live. In Mike Tyson’s one-man show, years, and years, and years ago, he was so vulnerable, so self-deprecating, so funny, and real. He did some really bad things, right, but it didn’t matter what it was because you related to him, and all of a sudden, you're rooting for this guy, because he was honest, and he was being vulnerable and real.
I walked out of there going, “Man, when I speak, I think, people feel like I feel right now. They start reflecting on mistakes that they’ve made, or decisions that they could've made better, or coming to peace with issues that have been haunting them.”
So, when I speak, I’m vulnerable and real, and the next thing you know, it’s no longer an audience watching a character that’s fictitious, it’s, “Oh my, gosh. Look at what this guy has achieved. Look at what he’s been through. Look at how he’s processed failure, defeat, tragedy, and chaos, and he’s still going, and at the end of all of this, he’s happy.”
So, for me, that was a really powerful moment where I related to the people that would hear me speak and hear my story, in that we all have things. Now, the degree to which we have them differs, right? Some people have been through things a lot worse than others, but at the end of the day, we’re all trying to just make sense, and we’re all trying to have peace within ourselves. I think every one of us struggles with forgiveness, and, to me, forgiveness can be with a person, with a time, with an event. After I sat and had lunch with my dad, I learned it had nothing to do with him.
I didn’t even tell anybody I was going. The only person that knew was my wife. That’s it. I didn’t tell any family, nobody, because probably for the first time in my life, I realized that other people’s opinions don't matter. I don't care whether you agree or disagree with what I’m doing, I’m doing it for me, and I didn’t want to hear their opinions.
So, I realized as I was sitting across from my dad that the forgiveness had nothing to do with what he had to say, with what he had to do. It had nothing to do with getting a validation from him, hearing excuses or reasons. It had nothing to do with anything about him. Yet, it had everything to do with him, but it was within me, and so I realized that forgiveness is not about winning and losing. I finally realized that it’s not about whether I agree with what you did or not. It’s not about whether I’m okay with what you did or not. For me, forgiveness became, “Am I okay with my reality?”
I can't change it. These things happened, and if I can come to peace with my own reality then I’m going to be able to move on and, hopefully, do some great things in this world. So, forgiveness, for me, is like this grand acceptance of what my life is, where I’m at and where I’m going. It was amazing to say that.
It’s funny because a lot of people must think -- at least I think they think this -- that if you forgive somebody that means that you agree with what they did, like you're okay. I accept it. No. It has nothing to do with that other person.
Last time when we spoke for America’s Got Talent: Champions, you told me that you hoped to get your magic career to the same level as your NFL career. How’s that going?
You know what? It’s been everything that as a kid I would dream it would be. America’s Got Talent was absolutely amazing for me, and sure enough, it led me to Ellen DeGeneres. She and her staff and crew have literally been a dream come true for my career, because if you want to sell tickets, it’s relevancy over time, right? It’s the hardest thing, in my opinion, to maintain.
It’s funny. There are similarities between the NFL and entertainment. They say that getting to the NFL is the easy part; staying is the hard part, and it’s hard to get there. And, sure enough, in entertainment, getting there is the easy part, and it’s hard, but staying is the hard part. Ellen has given me relevancy over time. Ellen has inspired me, given me opportunity, and believed in me, and for me to continue to align with her brand was ultimately everything I’d ever dreamed of.
It's not just partnering up with people that influential, but partnering up with people that are influential that believe in the same things you do. Be kind to one another, stay positive.
When I did America’s Got Talent, I tried to throw in an inspirational message as if I were talking to my 14-year-old self. Win or lose, I might change people’s lives just like Bill Malone and some magicians did for me when I was a kid looking for direction. Did I win the show? No, but did I win at what I was trying to accomplish and where I’m at today and being proud of what I did? Yeah. Totally. I’m happy with it. I wouldn’t change anything.
So, rumor has it there’s a movie going to be made from the book?
I’ve been approached over the years, and again, right time, right people. After my heart surgery, I was approached by a gentleman named Mike Toland. Mike was actually the guy, too, that said, “Hey, I hear you've been trying to write this book. You should go to Larry Platt, and he should write your book. He’ll capture your voice, and then let’s roll.”
So, sure enough, I partnered up with Larry Platt from Philadelphia. You do all of these extensive interviews and you're very hands-on in the project, but he wrote it and helped structure it, and so that partnership there really is what took it to the next level.
So, is the script being written?
We have been interviewing writers. Now that the book is complete and going out, we’re using that as a template, and we’re going from there.
What’s the dream? Is the dream a Las Vegas residency?
I would love to have it all and experience it all. It’s funny you say that, because I never in my career wanted to be identified as just a football guy, just an athlete, and at the same time, I never wanted to be just a magic guy, right? These are things that I do. These are things that make me, me, but I hope that when people get to know me they don't identify me as just that guy.
So, to answer your question, I would love a Vegas residency for X number of months a year, and then I’d love to go film a tv show for X number of months a year, and then I’d love to obviously spend time with my family, but to continue to do what I’ve been doing, and that is just showing up every day, and being able to do really cool things.
One of the things I loved about playing in the NFL was it’s the ultimate team game. It teaches you about accountability, perseverance, about process, about being diligent, about practice, about coming together, all these things.
It's a proud moment for me, now, to walk into this other industry in entertainment and bring all of these values and these core things about a team that I believe in, into this business.
I’d love to host a couple of shows on TV and then perform, because all of that drives the performance, right? I love selling out theaters. A big core business of mine is being the keynote corporate speaker. I love it. I get to perform, and I get to tell my story, and, hopefully, make a difference, and so I’d love to host shows and continue to perform. It’s what I love to do and rock on. I’m going to keep on keeping on.