'It took me 28 years to report my rape to the police'

Saffron didn't report her sexual assault for 28 years. She was raped in the late 1980s, when she was 17, and was so terrified the police wouldn't believe her that she stayed silent. 

"Having been through such a traumatic experience, the idea of speaking about it and not being believed was too much," she says. "People who are raped blame themselves, so the idea of speaking out is terrifying. That is one of the most terrifying things: the shame." 

Saffron's story captures the difficulty that survivors of rape and sexual assault face when sharing their stories - and why so many people stay silent. The problem is the focus of Raped: My Story, a Channel 5 documentary that airs tonight. In the wake of the revelations around Harvey Weinstein and the #MeToo campaign, it aims to shine a light on how survivors internalise what has happened to them and become paralysed by fear.

This fear is one reason why conviction rates for rape are so low: around three percent of the estimated 97,000 rapes per year in the UK end with a guilty conviction. Just 0.5 per cent of female and 0.1 per cent of male rape survivors report to the police, according to the documentary.

Other figures show that around 23,000 rape cases are reported to the police each year, with just 3,000 ending in a conviction. 

What if you're not believed? That is one of the most terrifying things: the shame

Saffron

It is unlikely Saffron's rapist will ever be brought to justice. But, she says, finally reporting the incident to the police has helped her recover the self esteem and sense of worth that she lost, nearly three decades ago. 

She was raped by a man almost twice her age, who her friend introduced her to in a pub. He was a loose connection, the friend's boyfriend's boss. After a few drinks, Saffron's friend left the pub, without telling her.

She recalls that the man, who had been plying her with drinks, said, "[Your friend's] already gone home. There is nobody else here now, it's just you and me," She was terrified. 

What happened next remains a mystery. "I must have passed out or... I don't... I've never ever passed out drunk and I've never - since - passed out drunk," she says in the documentary. "But when I woke up, I was naked. I was in the bed and he was on top of me. He was raping me." 

Sexual assault | Where to get help

As she walked home later that night, she passed a police station. But she couldn't bring herself to report the rape, because she was scared the police wouldn't believe her. "I wasn't bloodied, I wasn't bruised," says Saffron. "I thought they would just think that I was a liar. So, I went home and I didn't tell anybody."

It wasn't just the police who Saffron struggled to tell. For a long time afterwards, she couldn't speak about it to her friends or family. She eventually confided in her parents after five years. "They were devastated that I hadn't felt I was able to tell them," she says. "As a parent myself I can only begin to imagine how difficult it must have been to hear. But they were incredibly supportive." 

Three years ago, Saffron had what she describes as an emotional crisis and she sought rape counselling for the first time. The therapist asked her if she would consider going to the police. 

"They said, 'What if this person was still doing this to other people? You could potentially help stop that'. That was playing on my mind," she recalls. "But the other thing they said, which was most powerful, was, 'You owe it to yourself. You deserve to be heard and to be listened to'." 

Saffron was still worried, but she decided it was time to go to the police, after 28 years, at the age of 44. 

"I still had a feeling of, 'What's the point?' because, after so many years, I thought the chance of getting justice was really low. And I worried I wouldn't be believed," she says. "But the process of reporting it as an actual crime - and the police being supportive and believing me - really helped me come to terms with what happened. I finally had a voice and I'd been heard." 

In the 18 months since Saffron reported her rape, the police haven't succeeded in tracking down the perpetrator. But, Saffron says, she no longer feels ashamed and she knows it wasn't her fault. "There's such a taboo about even the word rape that speaking out is really empowering. It helps the victim move from being a victim to a survivor," she says.  

Saffron's sentiment is shared with the 10 other survivors, both men and women, who appear in Raped: My Story. Only one had a guilty verdict in their case. Following the documentary, Channel 5 will air a panel show called #MeToo: The Debate. 

Saffron hopes the campaign will help survivors open up. "It's fantastic that people are finally speaking out. It's powerful and empowering," she says. "People should be questioning why these things keep happening, why the conviction rates are so low and why victims don't speak. It's time that is blown wide open." 

To other survivors, she says, "Find someone you trust and speak out. There is support out there."  

Raped: My Story airs on Wednesday at 9pm on Channel 5, followed by #MeToo: The Debate at 10:30pm