17 Asians Share The Most Messed-Up Way A Non-Asian Person Has Hit On Them, And I'm Actually Gagging

Note: This post contains mention of hateful language, vulgarity, racial slurs, and instances of overt racism.

What's that saying when it comes to dating? "You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince"? Yeah, let's just say that's putting it mildly when it comes to interracial dating, since some of the "frogs" you encounter have fetishes and are downright racist.

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For Asian Americans (like myself), that usually includes stereotypes of hypersexual women and emasculated men. So, to amplify Asian voices and center their experiences, I asked Asians members of the BuzzFeed Community to share the worst thing a non-Asian person has said to them romantically.

More than 150 people shared their stories. Here are but a few:

Note: These stories are naturally limited to the responses we received by readers and are not reflective of the experience of all Asian Americans (a diverse identity that encompasses more than 20 ethnicities). 

1."I'm Chinese, and I was born and raised in Canada. A few years ago, I reconnected with an old classmate from high school. Initially, we seemed to hit it off — until he told me he only wanted to date Asians. His reasoning was (and I quote), 'Asian women are slim, hot, and look young for a long time. Women from my culture are hot, but they get fat and ugly real quick.' No wonder this guy was single."

2."Shoutout to the one man who tried, 'We should do the Kama Sutra,' upon learning that I’m half Indian."

"I can't even begin to explain how fucked up that is."

—shadeofblue

3."I'm Filipino. Once, I went on a few dates with a guy who kept giving me nicknames like 'wonton' and 'lo mein.'"

—nutella18339

4."In high school, I dated a guy who flirted by saying, 'You're cute for an Asian.' Once we ended up dating, he told me his grandmother would call me the 'J-slur' if we met. For context, I'm half Filipino. I'm not Japanese at all. When I questioned this, he said it's because I'm Asian. His mother also apologized for not having chopsticks when serving me rice."

5."One guy told me that he preferred to date Asian guys because we were less attractive and therefore less likely to cheat. He also had a few racial slurs directed against Muslims that I had never heard before."

"Thankfully, it was a first (and last) date, so no time was wasted."

—michaell105

6."One time, a guy told me that though I'm Pakistani, I also look Latina, so Black guys would be into me. He fully believed Black men have a fetish for Latina women and would therefore be really into Pakistani women. Gross."

"I am originally from Pakistan and live in the Midwest. Many times, people assume I'm Indian or Middle Eastern. They then repeatedly call me 'ethnic.' For example, my hair stylist calls my hair 'ethnic hair,' and someone at work calls Pakistani food 'ethnic food' without really knowing what that even means.

Once, one of my friends went on a blind date, and the guy actually told her to not come to the date wearing her 'curry cooking' clothes."

—amnahasan

7."During my first year of college, a guy who worked at the dining hall (and was not Asian) struck up a conversation with me, saying, 'Hey, how are you doing today?' I responded, 'Good. How are you?' He then went, 'OH! So you do speak English! Japanese, Chinese, or Korean? I'm guessing Chinese. I love the country, especially the people.'"

8."I’ve had many guys ask me early on in conversation, 'Are you the feather Indian or the dot Indian?' when they find out I’m Indian."

"They also say things like, 'Oh, wow, that’s so exotic,' which is crazy because there’s literally a billion of us."

—Alexa, 30, Female, California

9."I'm Korean American, but I'm adopted. My parents are basically the whitest you can be. Once, I was chatting with a guy on Plenty of Fish (oof, instant regret) who tried to guess what I was. When I told him that I'm Korean, he said, 'I would have said Filipino. Close enough.' LOL, okay. He also asked if my house smelled like seaweed and said that Asian girls are the best because they're 'so small everywhere, which means tight but able to take it.' Gross."

10."A guy and I had met up for our first date. When we started walking, he said he'd always wanted to try Chinese. I suggested we go to this new Chinese restaurant that a friend had recommended. He looked at me oddly until I realized what he meant."

"Here are some other memorable chat-up lines (for wrong reasons) that I get:

1) 'Me love you long time' and 'Me so horny.' Both are from the scene featuring Vietnamese sex workers in Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket (1987).

2) 'Hey, hey, hey, China doll. Everybody is kung fu fighting, but you and me, let's do kung fu fucking.'

3) 'Are you Thai? I love Thai girls!' And when I tell him I'm British Japanese: 'I love anime girls!'"

—superkay

11."My blind date showed up in a Chinese dragon shirt, took me to a Korean BBQ place, and talked about anime the whole time. He then asked me if I wanted to go to his place to see his samurai sword collection. I think this was more funny than anything because it was as though he didn't know 'what kind of Asian' I was and wanted to cover his bases."

12."I'm Chinese, and I speak very poor Cantonese. I'm also used to folks being open about kinks or preferences in the gay community. However, a man once asked me to talk dirty in Cantonese (he didn't know the language, either), and said he'd like to tie me up with ropes while I was dressed in a kimono."

—galenw3

13."I'm Indian, so I've heard every curry- or forehead-dot-related insult in the world. One that really stands out to me, though, is when I was a freshman in college: Some guy told me, 'I want to hook up with you because I have a checklist from my fraternity that I need to finish, and hooking up with an Indian girl is on it. I've never done that before.'"

14."An ex once said to me, 'I would never date you if you weren’t half white.' And every single time I had heavy eye makeup on, he'd also tell me, 'I can’t even tell you’re Korean right now, babe. You’re beautiful.' He also didn’t even bother to learn my middle name 'because it's Korean.' We dated for six years."

"After, I dated a guy who fetishized everything about my mom (who is Korean) and the culture. I'm not sure which is worse, lol. I'm only speaking on serious relationships because strangers say the cringiest things about this all the time."

—Anonymous, Female

15."I’m half Korean, half white. I grew up in a mostly white and rural area, so I was no stranger to guys saying I was their 'first Asian' (which was offensive enough). However, one guy literally told me, 'I like that you’re only half Asian. It’s just enough to get my toes wet and see if I like it.'"

"I was too stunned to really go in on how horrible of a thing that was to say. In looking back, it still shocks me that anyone found that to be an acceptable thing to say."

—Sarah, 32, Female, Georgia

16."I was freshly out of a long-term relationship and decided to give Tinder a shot. My first match told me that he 'never used to be into Asian girls, but the [military branch] showed [him] that [we] Asians can be obedient and wild at the same time.'"

17."I was once told on a second date, 'Dating has been rough. My dad told me to just start dating Asian women instead of American women because they won't argue with you and do what they're told.' I almost choked on my wine. I then informed him that 1) I am American — Asian American, born and raised in the US, 2) I'm not a shrinking violet just because I'm Asian, and 3) both he and his dad needed to stop watching so many stereotypical Asian movies."

"I then grabbed my purse and walked out the restaurant!"

—Anonymous, Female

Are you ready to lose your shit yet? I know I was when going through these. They're, unfortunately, way too relatable. Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.

To learn more about the historical framework around the construction of Asian American stereotypes and racism, see:

?  A Sociologist's View on the Hyper-Sexualization of Asian Women in American Society

?  The History of Fetishizing Asian Women

?  Asian American Masculinity Eclipsed: A Legal and Historical Perspective of Emasculation Through US Immigration Practices

?  Asian American Masculinity Is Being Increasingly Celebrated. But Many Men Still Face Stereotyping.