Bachelorette Katie Thurston and fiancé Blake Moynes share how many times they've had sex. Why 'normal' is different for everyone

Katie Thurston's journey to find love on The Bachelorette has finally ended with an engagement to contestant Blake Moynes. Now, the couple is making the rounds on talk shows, and they've fielded a few intimate questions about their love life — including how often they've had sex.

The couple appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live Monday night to talk to guest host David Spade and play "The Newly Engaged Game," which had them answer questions about each other. At the end, Spade dropped this question: "Over the course of your short-ish relationship, how many times have you made whoopee? And your answer has to be less than 100 off."

After giving the couple time to write their answers, Spade pressed Thurston for her answer first. She wrote, "43." Spade responded with, "No chance! Katie Louise! I hope that vibrator's in the trash." Moynes' answer: 30. "We're in that realm," he said.

But Spade looked doubtful. "It's just a high number," he explained, as Thurston chimed in, saying, "he's just jealous!" Spade's response: "I am jealous."

Thurston and Moynes are hardly the first couple to be grilled about their sex frequency, and they likely won't be the last. But why do people care so much?

There are a few theories floating around out there, including at least one that's tied to the way our society operates, Dr. Jennifer Wider, host of the Open Wider podcast, tells Yahoo Life. "We live in a society whose pop culture is highly sexualized in a backdrop of religious and political conservatism in many cases," she says. "People have more access to other people's lives than ever before through social media and love to pry into other people's business, especially their sex lives."

Americans are also obsessed with quantity, sex therapist Jess O’Reilly, creator of the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, tells Yahoo Life. "The bigger and more frequent, the better, as we seem to want to super-size everything," she says. "And though frequency and satisfaction can be positively correlated, this isn’t necessarily the case. Some people are genuinely happy not having any sex at all and others want to have it daily; most people, of course, fall somewhere in between."

Stress can play a role, too, Janet Brito, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in Honolulu, tells Yahoo Life. "We are living with too much stress," she says. "Being curious about someone else's sex life offers a distraction, but also may provide an indication of what you value." If you find yourself wondering how much sex everyone else is having (beyond a random thought) and it bothers you, Brito suggests that you "dig deeper and ask yourself what it would be mean to you to have more sex."

On some level, people just want to be "normal," Rachel Needle, is a licensed psychologist in West Palm Beach, Fla., and the co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes, tells Yahoo Life. "Many people are consumed with fitting into a certain mold or being 'normal,' especially when it comes to frequency of sex," she says. But, Needle adds, "there is no normal." Brito agrees. "There is no right or wrong answer. Normal is defined by the individual," she says.

"Sexual frequency will vary based on many factors in a relationship including relationship duration, age, communication, family, stress, medical conditions…'normal' is whatever feels good to you and your partner(s)," Needle says.

However, a 2017 Archives of Sexual Behavior study of 26,620 people attempted to put a number on things. It found that age played a big role in how often Americans had sex. Those who were in their 20s had sex about 80 times a year, compared to people in their 60s, who had sex on average about 20 times a year.

But even that data can be "skewed," O'Reilly says. "I can’t tell you how many monogamous couples can’t even agree on how often they have sex," she says. "One partner will insist they do it three times per week and the other will say that they do it once a week, max."

If you're concerned about how often you and your partner are having sex, Needle suggests checking in with your significant other. "Rather than focusing on a number, check in with yourself and your partner(s) about what feels good and if you are satisfied with how often you are engaging in sexual activity," she says. "If you are not, then communicate about what you want and need, and how you make a conscious effort to get there."

Sex is an "important component" of a healthy relationship for many people, Needle says, adding that "it is important to make a conscious effort to be sexual with your partner(s) and make physical intimacy and sexual activity a priority."

That's why Needle recommends "having ongoing communication" about the relationship or doing "relationship checks-ins" to make sure you and your partner are on the same page about things, including your sexual frequency. "This will help you make sure you remain connected, healthy and satisfied in your relationship," she says.

As for how often you're having sex compared to other couples, Wider says it's important not to stress it. "It's really an individual decision made by each couple," she says. "What works for one couple may not work for another."

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