'Your Big Day Is Becoming a Serious Fire Hazard'—80 of the Funniest Birthday Wishes for Everyone in Your Life

On your birthday, what is a better present than the gift of laughter? Okay, an actual present might be a little bit better, but a laugh is good too! Add one of our 80 funny birthday wishes to your loved one’s birthday card and make their day a little happier.

Whether it’s for his birthday, her birthday, a family member or anyone in your life, you’ll be sure to find a funny message here to bring a smile to their face (if not a full-on snort). Feel like your gift bag is missing a little something? Use one of our short wishes to add that extra je ne sais quoi to their gift. They may be short and sweet, but they pack a big laugh!

Use these hilarious wishes as they are or as inspiration for a personalized birthday wish. You can’t go wrong! Sign that card, light those candles and blow up some balloons because it’s party time!

Related: 80 Best Birthday Wishes To Send Your Friends and Besties

80 Funny Birthday Wishes

1. May you live to be so old that the very sight of you terrifies babies and ex-lovers. Happy birthday!

2. It’s your birthday, the anniversary of the day you triumphantly escaped from your mother’s womb. So, that’s pretty cool.

3. They say to take every birthday with a grain of salt. I say take it with a whole bunch of salt, and bonus points if it accompanies a very large margarita. Make yours a double. Happy birthday!

4. Happy birthday! I hope you celebrate this birthday the way you celebrated the first one: naked and screaming.

5. Forget about the past you can’t change, the future you can’t predict and definitely forget about the present because I didn’t get you one. Happy birthday!

6. Happy birthday! May your heart today be as full as your Facebook wall will be with birthday messages from people you’ve never spoken to.

7. Friends celebrate friends on their birthdays. Real friends get you drunk on your birthday. Good thing for you, I’m the second kind.

8. It’s your birthday, you know what that means. Time for you to smile awkwardly while friends and family botch your birthday song. Good times!

9. I mean, you have ME so I don’t know what else you have to wish for... but go off I guess… Happy birthday!

10. Is it hotter in here than usual? Must be all the candles on your cake. Happy birthday!

Funny Birthday Wishes for Anyone

11. Fun fact: Having a good birthday is 90% mental and 10% alcohol. Start the pouring, and happy birthday!

12. Happy birthday! I think it’s great how you used to be young.

13. Happy birthday! I’m really glad you were born today. My life would be so totally boring without you there to watch.

14. To an amazing friend on their birthday, my only regret is not meeting you sooner so I could have annoyed you longer. Happy birthday!

15. Your big day is becoming a serious fire hazard. Blow them out! Quick! Oh, and happy birthday!

16. Happy birthday to a real friend of mine. In this day and age, those are harder to find than eggs, so you should definitely feel accomplished!

17. Happy birthday! It's lit—just like your candles!

18. For your special day, I’ve sent you a truly gracious present. It’s a ghost hug! You can’t feel it, but it is definitely there! Happy Birthday!

19. You don’t look a day over 16! From a distance, with my eyes closed. Happy birthday!

20. Here’s wishing you the happiest birthday with all of my butt! (Why would I say “with all my heart” when my butt is definitely bigger.)

21. Everyone gets to be young once. Today it's official, your turn is over. Happy birthday!

Short Funny Birthday Wishes

22. Older? Definitely. Wiser? …mmm debatable. Happy Birthday!

23. Happy birthday! You don’t look a day older than dirt!

24. Your birthday is the perfect excuse to get drunk on a weekday. Bottoms up!

25. Smart, good-looking, and funny! But enough about me. Happy birthday!

26. A true friend remembers your birthday, but not your age.

27. Happy birthday. I hope your day is as nice as your face.

28. Pst, don’t grow up! It’s a trap. Happy birthday!

29. I’d give you my last chicken nugget. That’s really saying something. Happy Birthday!

30. You might be prehistoric, but at least you’re not extinct! Happy birthday!

31. Happy birthday! Super glad you were born.

32. It’s so great that my crazy really vibes with your weird. Happy birthday!

33. If you were my Uber driver, I’d totally give you five stars. Happy birthday!

34. I smell old people! Oh, wait no that’s just you. Happy birthday!

35. Wow, look at you growing up and having birthdays! Adulting looks good on you.

36. May your birthday cake be moist, and may no one use that word to describe it.

37. Happy birthday to a real-life Insta baddie.

38. You may not be able to fold a fitted sheet, but otherwise you’re pretty cool. Happy birthday!

39. Name a better birthday duo. I’ll wait. In the meantime, happy birthday!

40. May you live so long that your wrinkles have wrinkles. Happy birthday!

Funny Birthday Wishes for Her

41. Wow, another year under your belt. Just let me know how old we’re telling people you are now. Happy Birthday!

42. I’m one boob, you’re the other boob and together…we’re breast friends! Happy birthday!

43. Happy birthday to a woman who never ceases to amaze me. Some days your brilliance knows no bounds. Other days you can’t find your keys because you put them in the fridge. You’re unbelievable!

44. Happy birthday! Stay golden, girl

45. Happy birthday to a lifelong friend! I can’t wait until we’re old enough to be terrorizing the senior home nurses together!

46. Happiest of birthdays to the “she” to my “nanigans”!

47. A little advice on your special day: There is no shame in the Botox game. Happy birthday!

48. On your birthday I thought I’d just let you in on a little secret. One minute, you’re young and fun. The next, you have a favorite burner on the stove. I think we both know which you are…Happy birthday!

49. It’s your party and you’ll cry if you want to; however, I don’t recommend it. You’ll ruin your makeup, and we will be taking a lot of pictures tonight. Happy birthday!

50. A quick reminder on your special day… well-behaved women rarely make history. So, this year, let’s go even crazier! Happy birthday!

51. Some call it grounds for a stint in the mental hospital, we call it your special sparkle. Happy birthday!

52. If we were living back in Salem in 1692, you totally would have been deemed a witch. And so would I. It’s why we click so well. Happy birthday witchy!

53. I can only hope to be as great a woman as you one day. But, obviously with better clothes. Happy birthday!

54. Here’s to another year of questionable life decisions! Happy birthday queen

55. Happy birthday to one old lady who still knows how to party! You rock!

56. A friend like you is like a good bra, supportive, hard to find, and always getting on my last nerve. But hey, can’t live without ‘em. Happy birthday!

57. A lady never reveals her age. Yeah, that sounds right. Happy birthday, lady!

58. Good thing I found you! Because to be honest, I think we both know you couldn’t find glasses if they were on your face girly. Happy birthday!

59. Happy Birthday from one fabulous gal to another!

60. Remember when Snooki said, "Party's here!" when she first stepped into the Jersey Shore house? Don't party like she did that night, but have a happy birthday!

Funny Birthday Wishes for Him

61. Since it’s your birthday, I’ll tell you now you’re a real catch. Fishing you a reel-y happy birthday!

62. Happy Birthday! For your special day, I made you a cake. BOOM! YOU’RE A CAKE! You’re so very welcome.

63. If you got stung by a jellyfish, I would totally pee on you. That’s how much you mean to me, bro. Happy Birthday!

64. Another year together has come and gone. What would I do without you? Not open jars, that’s for sure. Happy birthday, man!

65. On the occasion of your birthday, here are some words of wisdom just for you: Make sure to keep on smiling, while you still have teeth! Happy birthday, old-timer!

66. Happy birthday! It’s a big one! (That’s what she said... maybe.)

67. Thanks for being such a great guy! Happy birthday!

68. Out of all the men born on this day, I like you the best! (Well, I like you alright, “best” is a strong word.) Happy Birthday!

69. It’s your special day! Treat me! Oops, I mean yourself. Treat yourself! (But also me.) Happy birthday!

70. Happy birthday to a guy who still isn’t showing his age…and definitely not acting it.

71. It’s your birthday! You know what that means? One year closer to being that old guy who yells at kids “Get off my lawn!” Everyone loves that guy!

72. If it's any consolation prize, in whiskey years, you just got more delicious. So, at least you have that going for you. Happy birthday!

73. Happy birthday, Dude! Congrats on getting a year closer to a senior citizen discount at the movies. Not to mention the best parking spots at the grocery store.

74. On your birthday you might be thinking “Oh man I’m getting old,” but don’t worry. Just because you’re old doesn’t mean you won’t still be doing dumb stuff. You’ll just be doing it slower. Happy birthday!

75. Turns out the right tool can make your special day a lot more fun. And by tool, I mean glass of alcoholic beverage. Happy birthday, bro!

76. Roses are red, skateboards are sick, wishing happy birthday to ya, you big prick.

77. Birthdays are a lot like golf… it’s a lot more fun if you don’t keep count. Happy birthday!

78. I would have made you a funny card, but I know at your age, bladder control can be a problem… Happy Birthday!

79. How to fart like a man: 1) Pass the gas 2) Pass the blame. You got this bro! Happy birthday!

80. Don’t let old age get you down! It’s way too hard to get back up. Happy birthday, man!

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