This Is the Biggest Predictor of Happiness, According to a Huge Harvard Study
Here's how to bring more of it into your life ASAP.
It’s easy to play the “if only” game when it comes to happiness. If only I could go on vacation...If only I could make a bit more money... If only I was recognized for my hard work, I’d be happy. While all of these things certainly may help, it doesn’t come close to the biggest predictor of happiness, according to the world’s longest scientific study on happiness.
The Harvard study was conceptualized in 1938 and followed 724 people and their families (accounting for more than an additional 1,300 people) for nine decades. The question was simultaneously simple and complex: What makes someone happy? Now, the results are in. According to Dr. Robert Waldinger, MD, a psychiatrist, the director of the study (which is called the Harvard Study of Adult Development) and the author of The Good Life (a book about the study), the biggest predictor of happiness in life is having good relationships.
Why Good Relationships Are So Important for Happiness
“Relationships can drastically affect your mental health,” says therapist Tiffany Rowland, LCSW of Right Choice Therapy. She says that unhealthy relationships can negatively impact mental health but it’s the healthy ones that are intricately important for happiness. “Healthy relationships can add value to our lives and improve our mood and well-being,” she says. “Forming healthy relationship bonds and connections is proven to support our mental wellness by enhancing our self-esteem, decreasing negative feelings, and helps with our connection within society.”
So how many good relationships do you need in your life for them to impact your happiness in a positive way? Rowland says that the number varies from person to person, based on their personal needs. “It's best we self-assess, know what's positively impacting our mental health, and be aware of what is causing a downward spiral in our mental wellness,” she says.
Related: 100 Inspiring Quotes About Happiness to Life Your Mood
By the way, even if you’re married, it’s still worth forming friendships and bonds with other people. “No matter how good your marriage is, it’s unlikely that one person will meet all your needs,” says Dr. Michael Davidovits, PhD, LCSW, a therapist with Ackerman Institute for the Family. “People are complex and have many different sides to their personality. Additionally, depending on just one person can put too much strain on the relationship. It can also intensify anxiety and stress since you will have no alternatives if this person is unavailable for one reason or another.”
Maybe building relationships feels foreign to you; the idea of making and maintaining relationships can seem like a lot of time and effort. Is it really worth it when you could be home vegging out? Both experts say that it is. “It is normal and healthy sometimes to want to be alone. But research has shown us again and again that consistent isolation is bad for almost every aspect of our physical and mental health,” Dr. Davidovits says.
If you don’t feel like seeing your friends (or making new ones), he says that it could be a sign of depression. “Depression is notoriously self-perpetuating; people tend to do things when they are depressed that make the depression worse. And choosing isolation over connection is one of them,” he explains. Working with a therapist can be beneficial in finding ways to slowly start putting yourself out there more and connecting (or reconnecting) with people who could ultimately benefit your mental health.
Related: Feeling a Little Bit Down? Here are 25 Ways to Get Happier in 10 Minutes or Less
How to Form Meaningful Relationships
Knowing that relationships are important is one thing. Actually forming them is something else entirely. Not sure where to start? Rowland recommends attending events or activities centered around your interests. “Joining local online groups which offer meet-up opportunities within your community or even connecting and being available for conversation when out in public will allow access to form a meaningful relationship,” Rowland says. By going to activities connected to your interests, you’re already putting yourself in an environment where others have at least one thing in common with you. It makes for an easy conversation starter too. If you hit it off with someone, you can offer to meet up outside the group activity to get to know them better.
Rowland also recommends assessing what you’re looking for in a friendship, listing specific qualities, characteristics and behaviors. “When interactions present themselves, have conversations with others and see who's a good fit for your friend list,” she says. “Also, saying 'yes' more when invited to go out and allowing connections to form and develop is a big first step.”
It’s true that building relationships takes time and effort. Dr. Davidovits says that it’s important to not only make an effort to connect with people regularly but also to tell them things that will help them understand you better and ask them questions about themselves. This is what builds deep friendships.
There’s no need to be social all the time—Rowland stresses that it’s also important to recognize when you’re feeling drained and take time to recharge—but having at least a few meaningful relationships in your life is much more likely to make you feel happier than being isolated. After all, there are nine decades worth of research to prove it.
Next up, see expert-backed 102 ways to make friends as an adult.
Sources
Tiffany Rowland, LCSW, therapist and founder of Right Choice Therapy
Dr. Michael Davidovits, PhD, LCSW, therapist with Ackerman Institute for the Family, lecturer in the Narrative Medicine Program at Columbia University, and a clinical supervisor in the Family Medicine Residency Program at the Columbia University School of Medicine
