Britain's Got Talent 2019, episode 4 recap: Hmmm... How do they keep finding these child wonders?
Psychic dogs, raunchy rollerskaters and Simon Cowell storming off in a huff. Here are all the talking points from the fourth set of auditions…
Golden buzzer dominated by fame-seeking youngsters
The show’s emotional crescendo was provided by 10-year-old vocal powerhouse Giorgia Borg from Malta. This seemingly unassuming schoolgirl belted out her self-penned song “10” and blew the audience away with her lung-busting big notes and bluesy phrasing.
Giorgia said her favourite judges was Alesha Dixon because she’s “a boss, a queen”, so was delighted when it was Dixon who hit the golden buzzer, sending her straight through to the live semi-finals. Confetti fell. Hugs ensued.
However, viewers could be forgiven for a distinct sense of déjà vu. Giorgia was the third child act in four weeks to get a golden buzzer, after 13-year-old Mumbai dancer Akshat Singh last week and Flakefleet Primary School choir in the opening episode.
All three had previous showbiz form, rather than being brand new discoveries. Flakefleet had already launched a bid for Christmas number one, while Akshat had appeared on India’s Got Talent, its version of Strictly Come Dancing and The Ellen DeGeneres Show in America.
Now came Giorgia, who finished third in her country's Junior Eurovision contest with the same song and has won talent competitions in Italy. I'm not naive enough to assume there are no production tricks on these programmes, but all these pint-sized planted acts are becoming preposterous.
Psychic dog perfect for nation of pet lovers
What do us Brits love more than a waggy dog? A heroic waggy dog, let alone one that does magic mind-reading. No wonder Hertfordshire police officer Dave Wardell and his loyal Alsatian Finn proved such a pedigree hit.
We heard the emotive story of how Finn was left battling for his life after leaping between his handler and a knife-wielding assailant. Finn sustained serious stab wounds but was saved by vets. Now he turned his talents to mind-reading, performing a pair of nifty psychic tricks.
The soppy grin didn’t leave Simon Cowell’s face for the entire act. Ant, Dec and the studio audience found something in their eye. Cowell strained to squeeze out a tear too and just about managed it. I doubt Finn will follow in the paw-steps of previous canine winners Pudsey and Matisse but he’d certainly earned that steak Wardell had waiting for him at home. Good boy.
Cinematic stunt was unexpectedly entertaining
As well as four-legged Finn, we were treated to a human illusionist in the beefy shape of 46-year-old Matt Stirling from Ruislip. Blending magic, hypnosis and stunts, his hard-to-categorise act saw him ask the judges to select film titles from a stack of cards.
As they did so, Stirling brought the movies to life. A man was set on fire for, well, Man Of Fire; another plunged from a balcony for Skyfall; “bullet time” moves represented The Matrix; and some muscle-bound himbos, including Stirling himself, ripped off their shirts for Magic Mike. Cue Amanda Holden leering like a prosecco-addled housewife on a hen night.
It was imaginatively conceived and confidently executed. If Stirling can conjure up something equally surprising for the semi-final phase, he could be one to watch.
Cowell played the panto villain
Oh no he didn’t! Simon Cowell has long hammed up his role as the judging panel's resident Mr Nasty but here he went full hiss-boo villain. His mood was first soured by tiara-clad Sheila Callaghan from Chester crooning “Mr Variety”, dedicated to David Walliams. “That’s the worst song I’ve ever heard,” sulked Cowell.
His face fell even further at 73-year-old Roger Butler, aka one-man band Chucklefoot. His Chas & Dave-style tune “Don't Give Granny Any Whisky At The Wedding” got Ant and Dec going on a Cockney walkabout but drove Cowell off the judging panel and into the studio audience.
The final nail insult was that talent show staple: the contestants returning for a redemptive second attempt. After being rejected last year for their painful re-enactment of Beauty And The Beast, Katherine and Joe O’Malley now tried another Disney classic. She crooned ubiquitous Frozen ballad “Let It Go” dressed as Princess Elsa, while Joe tap-danced along as Sven the reindeer, which proved unintentionally amusing - especially when he ran out of puff midway through.
”I’m not being rude but what the bloody hell was that?” scoffed Cowell. As Amanda Holden orchestrated the studio audience to turn against him, Cowell shrugged “I’m going to leave it up to you” and stormed off-camera, leaving the other three judges to send Katherine and Joe through to the next round - when Cowell will doubtless get in a huff all over again.
He wasn't the only one getting annoyed. I was equally vexed by Holden referring to Sven as a moose when he's clearly a reindeer. It's a festive film, for a start. I should probably let it go.
Dancing Irish youngster was over-praised
There was novelty value to be had from nine-year-old Ethan Higgins from Ireland. His velvet jacket, bow tie and angelic face suggested he’d be performing a Riverdance-style routine but instead he launched into Latin moves and gymnastic backflips.
The audience went wild for it, not least after Ethan put down judge David Walliams, who asked how he'd spend the ￡250,000 prize money: "Would you buy any of my bestselling books?” “No,” replied Ethan, much to Simon Cowell’s glee.
However, it was all cutesiness and no coherence. The medley of song and melange of dance styles was choreographically slapdash and told no story. Ethan felt like a hyperactive child showing off at a party, rather than a fully formed act. It even reminded me of David Brent’s “Flashdance meets MC Hammer” turn in The Office.
Free advertising for Isle Of Wight and Blackpool
Two regional tourist boards would have been delighted by acts doing their jobs for them on Saturday night primetime TV.
The show opened with flamboyantly dressed 56-year-old Derek Sandy performing an infectious rendition of self-penned reggae song “Welcome to the Isle of Wight”. As photographs of the south coast island’s scenery appeared on the backdrop, Ant and Dec joined Sandy on-stage to gyrate while wearing “I love the Isle of Wight” T-shirts. More effective than an advert and a whole lot cheaper.
Inline skating duo Rosie and Adam, aka Rollerbatics, were equally evangelistic about their home town of Blackpool. “Get your skates on and come to Blackpool!” they trilled before a high-risk routine packed with spins, lifts and saucy smouldering. It recalled Torvill and Dean without the ice, while judge Alesha Dixon described it as “the Dirty Dancing of rollerskating”.
The pair had been together a mere three months and this was their debut performance, making it even more impressive - although Adam Jukes conveniently neglected to mention that he was previously a semi-professional ice dancer. Details, details.
Another episode of Britain’s Got Padding
It has become a regular gripe of mine but once again, the pace of this episode was too slow and ponderous. In a 75-minute show, we saw just nine acts - averaging one every eight minutes.
A little less time spent on ad breaks, montages and backstage filler, and a tad more time spent on actual talent would improve these audition shows immeasurably.