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INSIDER

Bumble BFF helped a 28-year-old woman make 15 genuine adult friends. Here's how she did it.

Julia Naftulin
6 min read
Bumble BFF helped a 28-year-old woman make 15 genuine adult friends. Here's how she did it.
  • Kate Tenen joined Bumble BFF in 2018 to make friends, since she didn't know any women in the city where she moved.

  • She has been on dozens of meetups and made connections with 15 Bumble BFF matches, including five close friends.

  • Tenen told Insider what she writes in her profile, and who she swipes right on to get the most compatible matches.

In May 2017, just 10 days after graduating from college, Kate Tenen moved from northern New Jersey to Philadelphia to live with her boyfriend of one year. At the time, he was the only person she knew within 100 miles of her new home.

Eight months later, Tenen and her boyfriend broke up. She moved out and filled her time with work and meetups with men who she connected with on apps like Bumble. But after a string of lackluster dates over the course of six months, Tenen realized she was sick of relying on romance to fill the void she felt.

"At that point, I was like, 'Fuck this. I need some girlfriends," Tenen, who is now 28 and still lives in Philadelphia, told Insider.

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She yearned for someone who she could lounge and enjoy a movie with, or a have heart-to-heart as they made their way to the corner store for a late-night treat. But Tenen couldn't think of a single person to call locally.

Tenen was experienced in using Bumble to find dates, so she decided to give the app's friend-finding feature, Bumble BFF, a try.

Launched in 2016, Bumble BFF was originally part of Bumble's app interface as a special "mode" users could choose. An estimated 15% of Bumble users are actively using the friendship feature each month — swiping just like they would to find romantic connections, but for platonic same-gender connections — a spokesperson for the app told TechCrunch. In July 2023, the company announced it would launch a separate app just for making friends, called Bumble for Friends, TechCrunch reported.

Five years after first trying the feature, Tenen says she has gone on about 30 "first dates'' with potential pals. Those meetups have resulted in 15 friendships, five of which Tenen would consider close friends.

Kate Tenen's Bumble BFF profile.
Kate Tenen's Bumble BFF profile.Kate Tenen

"Making friends in the real world is really hard. I'm not going out to bars after work and talking to the girlies that are there. But on Bumble BFF, there are people who are openly looking for connections, so it's just a lot easier," Tenen said.

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She told Insider how she slowly built a loyal and caring circle of girlfriends, and how she's evolved her strategy — she avoids brunch-lovers and yogis — to find compatible matches.

Using Bumble BFF for 5 years, Tenen has perfected her strategy

When I met Tenen in 2018 I was immediately impressed by her bravado. We were on the same international guided group tour, and I was sitting with my brother, eating lunch at our first destination. Suddenly, she was standing there, introducing herself, asking what we had ordered, and seeing if she could join us.

We kept in touch, and a year later, when I moved from New York City to Philadelphia, Tenen was the first person to ask if I wanted to hang out. Within a month, she introduced me to her inner circle — mostly friends she'd made on Bumble BFF. It was clear that she had a knack for bringing people together.

As a self-identified introvert seeking more friends myself, I was curious about her strategy. It's changed over the years, she told me.

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At first, Tenen said she dedicated 30 minutes to an hour to swiping through potential matches every day. This would lead to one friendship "first date" every two weeks or so, she said.

When swiping, she pays a lot of attention to potential matches' image selections. If she sees a photo of someone at one of her favorite music venues, eateries, or hiking trails, she sees it as a sign to reach out. She's kept the age range she's seeking within four years of her own age to ensure a certain level of compatibility, and only swipes on women.

Considering lifestyle preferences is also important. She rarely drinks alcohol and prefers to smoke cannabis, so she seeks out matches who do the same, Tenen said.

Friends carve pumpkins.
Tenen and her friends carve pumpkins after work.Kate Tenen

She also avoids matching with women who write that going to brunch or yoga are top hobbies for them, since she couldn't care less about those activities, she said. Even though swiping left on these women eliminates potential friendship opportunities, Tenen said it saves her time and money, and ultimately leads to more connections that feel aligned.

To find a great match, you may have to get through some bland conversations first

Just like dating to find a compatible partner, finding new friends takes time and patience. Tenen said that not every initial meetup she has gone on resulted in a friendship.

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Her persistence is how she met Bianca Ables in September 2021.

Like Tenen, Ables didn't know a single person when she moved to Philadelphia, with most of her friends still living near her hometown, outside of Nashville. Since Ables' new job was remote, limiting her opportunities for meeting others, she decided to try the app after hearing about it from friends.

At first, it felt like a bust, said Ables, who was 26 at the time. "The conversations I had were very bland. It felt really weird, like no one was putting in the effort to create a conversation," she told Insider.

But, in her fourth week of swiping, Ables matched with Tenen. She swiped right when she saw that Tenen wrote about enjoying cannabis. And when Tenen messaged her to chat, sharing a story about a recent vacation-gone-wrong with her mother, followed by a lively talk about the reality show "Below Deck," Ables knew that this match was different.

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She told Insider that matching with Tenen was worth all of the previous swiping and lackluster conversations she had to go through first.

Tenen invites new matches to coffee or movie nights – and sometimes brings a friend along

Now that it's been a few years, Tenen doesn't find herself swiping as often, preferring to focus on the friendships she's already built. But she admits she opens up the app about once a month to see who's out there.

If she does meet up with a new match, she's found that sticking to a few tried-and-true activities helps her weed out incompatible matches.

She said she'll typically ask matches out for coffee, or may invite them to a larger group hangout or movie night if she has one planned with other friends.

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Tenen said that ultimately, she's learned that taking the risk of putting herself out there on Bumble BFF, and doing it consistently, has led to more fulfilling relationships. Even though these meetups can bring on the same anxiety a first date might, Tenen has found the nervousness is worth the reward, she said.

"We all feel awkward. But we're just trying to feel connected, make it through, and have some cool people to get through it with."

Read the original article on Insider

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