Who Should You Buy Gifts For? Etiquette Experts Share Who You Won't Want To Forget
Woman handing a holiday gift to a loved one
You've heard about naughty and nice lists. However, when it comes to gift shopping, who really needs to be on your list at all?
Figuring out whether to give a gift to a colleague or your cousin’s kids can feel like yet another thing to do during a season when you already feel your plate is full and your cup is empty. However, etiquette experts share it's important to know when to come bearing gifts.
"Knowledge is power," says Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick, the founder of The Etiquette School of New York. "Not knowing who to buy a gift for or at least acknowledge during the holiday season can make for unintended slights."
While you don't want to tick off the wrong person, let's be honest: 'Tis not the season to go broke.
"For most of us, even if our hearts are full, our budgets might not be," says Jenny Dreizen, the chief operating officer of Fresh Starts Registry and modern etiquette expert. "An act of self-care is not going into debt to buy everyone gifts."
Who should you buy gifts for, and who can you skip? Etiquette experts shared their must-gift lists. They also offered tips on what to give—and what to do if you're on a tight budget this year.
Related: How Much to Tip Movers, According to Etiquette Experts
What Family Members Do You Need To Buy Holiday Gifts For?
Relationships and holiday plans come into play.
"You should purchase gifts for the family members you are spending the holidays with," says Jules Hirst, a certified etiquette, lifestyle and manners coach. "You should send gifts to parents, children, grandchildren or others that you are extremely close to who live out of the area if you will not be seeing them."
If your brood is large, Hirst says families may take the pressure off with a Secret Santa or white elephant.
Related: The 30 Best Questions To Ask To Be the Perfect Secret Santa This Christmas
Who To Buy Holiday Gifts For, According to Etiquette Experts
Here's exactly who else to buy gifts for to avoid the naughty list—and who you can skip.
1. Your cousin's kids
It depends. "If you have a close relationship with your cousins or their children, a gift would be a kind gesture," Hirst says. "Books or educational toys would be good gifts."
2. An ex you co-parent with
You can probably skip this one, but there are exceptions. "It's not necessary unless you always exchange gifts," Napier-Fitzpatrick says. "Present ideas might include visits to theme parks, a gift certificate to dinner at a restaurant they all like, a game, books—anything the co-parent can share or play with the children."
One thing co-parents are on the hook for is helping their children pick out gifts for the ex.
"I would say in the $5-$50 range is appropriate," Dreizen says. "The gift is from the kid, and not you and I think the effort you make to help them acquire it/pay for it is the gift you give your ex and co-parent."
3. Boyfriend's grandkids, who you will see at a party
It's a good idea, mainly if the children are younger.
"If the children are under 13, then it’s a nice gesture to give a small gift," says Tami Claytor, the owner of Always Appropriate: Image & Etiquette Consulting. "It does not have to be elaborate—think stocking stuffer."
4. Daycare provider
A definite yes. "They play an important role in your child's life," Hirst says. "A thoughtful personal gift or cash is a good gift."
Napier-Fitzpatrick suggests $20 to $70 per provider and a small gift from your child.
5. Nanny
Again, yes, for the same reason that you gift a daycare provider.
Dreizen says the standard suggestion is 5 to 10% of a nanny's annual salary, but that can inch into a four-figure gift range, which you may not even be spending on your child.
"I think the $500 range is more usual," says Dreizen, a former nanny and teacher. "You can pair this with a card made by your child. If this is out of budget, I do think a $50-$100 check or gift card to their favorite coffee or food spot is lovely too."
One request: "Please do not gift them food your child made," Dreizen says. "I know that child well, and I do not want to eat food they made."
6. Teacher
It is also customary to get something for teachers, though experts recommend against cold, hard cash.
Napier-Fitzpatrick recommends giving gift certificates for up to $25. Parents can also pool together money to purchase the teacher a pricier gift card.
7. Housekeeper
Claytor says it's customary to gift a housekeeper a minimum of one week's salary and a stocking stuffer-style gift.
8. Boss
It's usually more of a faux pas to give your boss something than vice versa.
"Typically, individuals don’t give gifts to the boss because it could appear as if the individual is trying to influence or curry favor with the boss," Claytor says.
That said, if all your boss' reports are going in on a gift, it's best to get your name on that card too.
"A group gift from the team or department is acceptable," Hirst says. "A gift card or a donation to a favorite charity would be a good gift."
9. Colleagues
Experts suggest organizing a Secret Santa or white elephant to save money. If people aren't into the idea, it's OK to do something sweet (literally).
"A bowl of candy or a local treat like donuts from that great place down the block is a nice way to celebrate together," Dreizen says.
10. Direct reports
You're the boss, and you have a say in whether or not you gift the people you supervise. Napier-Fitzpatrick also says it's essential to check the company handbook, as some offices may prohibit these gestures, however well-meaning. If it's OK, she suggests an experiential gift like tickets to a play or dinner for the person and their spouse.
One major rule: "Ensure you get it for anyone and everyone you supervise is important here," Dreizen says.
11. Therapist
It depends on the relationship, Napier-Fitzpatrick says. If you're going to gift, there are boundaries.
"Never give a professional a monetary gift," Napier-Fitzpatrick says. "Depending upon your relationship with the therapist, you might give them a small gift like a book, a scented holiday candle or a box of chocolates."
Related: 11 Phrases Etiquette Experts Recommend Using When Canceling Plans
What To Do if You're Cash-Strapped This Holiday Season
This list may have extended your gift (and to-do) list longer than you'd hoped. Experts share that even small gestures can make a significant impact (and are important).
"When finances are tight, thoughtful gestures can be equally meaningful as purchased gifts," Hirst emphasizes. "Homemade baked goods or crafts are cost-effective gifts. Handwritten cards can express your heartfelt thanks."
Remember: "The most important part of gift-giving is the thought and care put into it," Hirst says. "During the holidays, your presence and a kind word can be the most cherished gift of all."
Next: Here's a Handy Guide for Wrapping Every Type of Hard-to-Wrap Gift—You'll Thank Us Later
Sources
Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick, the founder of The Etiquette School of New York
Jenny Dreizen, the chief operating officer of Fresh Starts Registry and modern etiquette expert
Jules Hirst, a certified etiquette, lifestyle and manners coach
Tami Claytor, the owner of Always Appropriate: Image & Etiquette Consulting
