Charlotte Latvala: Scents have gotten out of hand

Is it just me?

Have I drifted off the edge of the Earth, to a place where ordinary things no longer exist? Where chocolate ice cream has been replaced by acai bowls, plain black coffee by nitro cold brews? Where every restaurant now serves branzino instead of cod?

I’m staring at a set of candles I recently bought on a whim. They smell great, but I have no idea what they are supposed to smell like. Because, despite being on this Earth for many decades, I have no idea what the scents are.

One candle is labeled “grapefruit lemongrass,” but boasts undertones of coconut sugar and yuzu zest. Another, “cedar leaf sage,” contains notes of silver sage, atlas cedar and warm amber. Now, I don’t know yuzu zest from Atlas cedar, but I can’t help looking askance. I feel like someone is pulling my leg.

And seriously, the third candle in the set? It’s “lavender tonka.” Tonka sounds either like a dance craze from the '90s or a toy metal truck that I may or may not have thrown down the stairs in a fit of rage after stubbing my toe on it some years back. But lo and behold (thanks, Google), I discover that tonka is a bean that, because of its strong scent and flavor, is used in ice creams, custard, and perfumes around the world. (Side note: Here in the U.S., tonka beans have been banned by the FDA since 1954, because eating them could potentially cause liver damage. Well, at least it could if someone gobbled them by the handful.)

The exoticism is creeping into every facet of my life. Goodbye to the simple bars of Ivory I once knew – I just washed my hands with white cucumber and mint-foaming hand soap. (Have you ever seen a white cucumber? Me neither.) In my cupboard, I have other, similar-sounding varieties of soap: Starfruit sangria, fresh Amalfi lemon, peach bellini.

At the grocery store, I can forget the workaday apples and pears and green beans of my childhood. Now we have purple cauliflower and dragon fruit and organic mung bean sprouts. And microgreens. Lots of microgreens. Were they always around and I didn’t notice them? Or are they merely regular plants with fancy names?

Chances are if I go to a restaurant a level or two above McDonald’s (who knows, maybe even at McDonald’s!), I will only recognize about half the items on the menu.

Case in point: Some friends and I had a special dinner out the other night. And yes, I could probably figure out that “insaladas” means salads, and anything with “artisanal” in front of it adds $3 to the bill, but how do I know what to make of huckleberry vinaigrette? What about confit carrot? Bone marrow aioli? I’m starting to feel like I need several years of chef’s training to decode dinner entrees.

But at least now I know that tonka isn’t always a truck.

Charlotte is a columnist for The Times. You can reach her at [email protected].

This article originally appeared on Beaver County Times: Latvala: Scents have gotten out of hand