Constance Wu explains why she has 'compassion' and 'forgiveness' for her rapist: 'It makes me blame myself less'
Constance Wu is responding to criticism that she showed too much compassion for her rapist when writing her recent memoir, Making A Scene.
"Some people think that I'm showing compassion for my rapist and I can understand how it might be perceived that way," Wu, 40, told Loretta Ross at the 2022 MAKERS Conference, a global leadership event aiming to accelerate equity for women in the workplace and beyond.
Wu dedicated a whole essay in the book to her rapist, which she hoped would paint a more compassionate portrait of the man so readers can see his humanity.
Ultimately, Wu says writing that particular piece of the book proved to be healing.
"People say he doesn't deserve it or whatever, and I was like, it's not about whether or not he deserves it," she explained. "I tried to think of what he might be going through because it makes me feel better. It makes me blame myself less."
Wu argued that while some people say "forgiveness is about the other person and whether or not they deserve it," she decided to take a different route.
"Forgiveness is often about taking the weight off of your own heart," she explained. "And if anyone deserves to not have a weight on their heart, it's the rape victim, not the rapist, right? So, you have to do the thing that heals your heart the best. And for some people it may be like, 'F*** you!' ... But for me, it was also trying to understand ... where somebody else might come from — not to excuse it, but just to understand it."
Wu has spoken candidly about the mental health struggles she faced following her controversial tweet in May 2019, in which she expressed unhappiness over her hit show Fresh Off the Boat being renewed for a sixth season. The experience led her to attempting suicide.
Speaking to Meghan Markle on her Archetypes podcast, the Crazy Rich Asians star spoke about that time, noting that she never wants to hide her mental health struggles from her 2-year-old daughter.
"I was so ashamed of my suicide attempt that my parents didn't even know until a few weeks before I put out a statement [talking about the attempt]," she explained. "In Asian American families it's really hard to talk about those kinds of things, so you just kinda don’t."
Wu said that her mom warned against being so public about the suicide attempt for the sake of her granddaughter.
"My mom was like, 'OK, well, think about your daughter now that you put this statement out,' Is this something that you want her knowing that you did? You're a public figure, you shouldn't let these things out,'" she said."It's funny because I can see her point but I said, 'You know what mom? I do want her to know that. I do want her to know that everybody, including her mom, goes through a hard time and when you go through those hard times, people will help you and you can find help and you can get better."
If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, help is available. RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline is here for survivors 24/7 with free, anonymous help. 800.656.HOPE (4673) and online.rainn.org.
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call 911, or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741.
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