Dascha Polanco: 'You Can Love Yourself Without Liking Everything'
People tell me all the time that they love my confidence. It’s kind of ironic, because it’s something I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember.
In today’s world, where it’s pretty common to post on social media about body positivity, it can seem like it’s easy to love yourself-which makes you feel bad anytime you don’t.
My whole life, I’ve had ups and downs when it comes to confidence. I remember looking at myself as a kid and knowing I was different than the other girls-I was chubby and curvier and had rolls and thick thighs. My school uniform skirt never fit right-it was longer in the front and too short in the back. In reality my body type was the norm, but I was always looking at it negatively and comparing myself to the super-slim “cool girls.” I questioned my body-why couldn’t it be like theirs? I just wanted to look like those girls.
I got to a point where I wished I could cut off my rolls with scissors. I would grab at my thighs and say, “Ugh, I hate you, you’re ugly, I don’t like you! Oh my God, I just want to get rid of this!” But talking to myself that way never made me feel better, just guilty.
The biggest shift in how I viewed my body happened when I became a mother 16 years ago. I wanted to instill in my kids self-acceptance and a sense of self-love. I wanted them to know they’re unique and that that’s what makes them beautiful. I wanted them to be confident, and I knew I had to model that.
A post shared by DASCHA POLANCO (@sheisdash) on Mar 1, 2018 at 4:47pm PST
I started focusing on the things I really love about myself. Like, I’ve achieved the dream I had my whole life to be an actress. That’s incredible. I’m a leader and a volunteer in my community. And wanting to eat a burger doesn’t impact my acting or my ability to help people. Neither does getting older-reaching new decades and going through physical changes is something we should celebrate, not fear. When I realized that, it helped me let go of the little things that bugged me and respect my body for what it allows me to do. I wanted to care for it.
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Now, I make time for the things that make me feel good. I try to do a HIIT class at my gym or something like a heavy weightlifting workout once a day-sometimes twice a day when I’m in superwoman mode. Meditation is key for my mental health and managing depression. Other days, I clean my home, relax on the couch, put on a face mask, and watch music videos, or hang out on the block for a game of dominoes with the OGs.
The most important change I’ve made is in how I talk to myself. Now, I look at my thighs, and I celebrate them. I say, “I love you guys! You help me walk, you fill my pants up.” I thank my vagina for giving me my womanly power. It’s important to talk to your body and thank your body. When I work out, I’m like, “Come on quads, do it, come on tris, give me that back!”
Reminding yourself of how strong you are is a powerful thing. I want to be mentally healthy, not just physically strong-that’s what shines through the screen no matter what.
Learning to love yourself is just like learning to love someone in a relationship. You don’t like every single thing about them, but you love them. You can love yourself without liking everything all the time.
Sometimes I still think, “Ugh, these legs!” When I see myself in a photo or on TV, I still pick myself apart. It’s hard! But I choose to rise above and remind myself, “Dascha, when you die this body goes back to Earth, so shine through and you’ll be a light that will live forever.”
Dascha Polanco is an actress currently starring on Netflix's Orange Is The New Black. For more body-pos inspiration, pick up a copy of the September "Naked Truth" issue of Women's Health, on newsstands August 7.
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