Dear Richard Madeley: ‘A golfer in my group has become so forgetful, I'm worried he has dementia’
Dear Richard,
One of the golfers in our group of a dozen or so who play regularly has become forgetful – so much so that he often understates the number of shots he’s had on a hole. We have also noticed that he often seems somewhat dazed and disoriented on the course. It’s become worse over the past few months – to the point that there’s a degree of relief when we are not drawn to play with him.
He’s fairly fit for his 72 years and he’s very affable so none of us considers his miscounting underhand. But it is becoming
a problem, as we regularly have to correct his score and even sometimes direct him to his ball after he has played his shot.
We are concerned that, if this is an early sign of dementia, he ought to be speaking to doctors about it. He may be doing so already, but none of us knows him outside the club and we are wary of raising such a delicate matter. We’re also conscious that if it is dementia, continued physical exercise and friendly interaction would be a good thing. So perhaps we should just keep schtum about the occasional frustrations of playing him?
What do you think?
— Harry, Lincs
Dear Harry,
The fact you have written to me, using me as a sounding board, shows how clearly you appreciate the need to tread delicately. I’ve thought long and hard about your dilemma and feel reasonably confident in offering this advice.
I don’t think it’s appropriate for you or your friends at the club to tell this man that you think he may be displaying signs of dementia. Surely that’s something for his family to address? Assuming he has family – partner, children, siblings, etc – they’ll be in a far better position than golfing buddies to raise such a potentially tricky issue. They’ll also be better placed to observe any worrying behaviour.
So providing you know, or can establish, that he has family in his life, I think you should leave any discussion about dementia to them.
You note – correctly – that regular exercise and social interaction are positive ways to help mitigate the effects of dementia. So you are already performing a practical therapeutic service for him.
It follows, then, that my answer to your penultimate question is ‘yes’. Yes, you should indeed ‘keep schtum’ about the occasional frustrations of golfing with him. Continuing to play golf will do him much good and, if dealing with a slightly dodgy scorecard is the price you have to pay, that’s not asking a huge amount, is it? I mean, we’re not talking the Masters or the British Open here.
So I think it’s a case of steady as you go, Harry. You’re a thoughtful man and because you want to do the right thing by your friend, I believe you will.
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