A Definitive Ranking of the Best Mustaches in History
This is the time of year when we reflect and give thanks for all the amazing things we have in our lives, like these incredible mustaches, for instance. Join us as we celebrate November a.k.a. Movember with a look at the best 'staches in history.
18. Ron Burgundy
We have to start the list off with a legend. Burgundy's 'stache would have made it closer to the number one spot if he, you know, was a real person.
17. Groucho Marx
Now Marx was a real person, but his mustache was completely fake. Even still, it's one of the most iconic on the list.
16. John Waters
Waters has rocked the paper-thin pencil mustache for quite some time now — the style, for those looking to replicate it, takes some serious dedication. Frequent trims are a must.
15. Clark Gable
Frankly, my dears, we don't give a — actually scratch that. We care a lot about Gable's idyllic mustache, considering it gave his character, Rhett Butler, a great deal of sex appeal in Gone with the Wind.
14. Walter Cronkite
Cronkite's mustache might not have been anything to talk about in terms of size, but it was manly, and more importantly, trustworthy.
13. Burt Reynolds
Reynolds has actually credited his 'stache for getting him better movies roles and giving him better luck with women. Obviously.
12. Eddie Murphy
Murphy's facial hair has changed very little in all these years, and that mustache of his has been featured in nearly (if not all) of his movies.
11. Tom Selleck
Selleck's "magnum" 'stache has been with him since his career took off in 1980. At this point, it basically pays its own taxes.
10. Charlie Chaplin
Chaplin immortalized the toothbrush mustache — it's simply so famous that there isn't much to say about it. Which is appropriate, considering that Chaplin was, you know, a silent film star.
9. Hulk Hogan
Hogan's mustache might just be as big as he is. Which is really saying something.
8. Albert Einstein
Dare we say the smartest 'stache on the list? Besides for his intelligence, Einstein was known for his wild hair and trademark mustache.
7. Steve Harvey
Harvey makes a case for hair only on the upper lip — a bald head and clean shaven face makes the mustache the center of attention.
6. Theodore Roosevelt
"Speak softly, and carry a big mustache" — Theodore Roosevelt, 1900. That's the quote, right?
5. Robert Goulet
Considering that there's such a thing as the Robert Goulet Mustache Award, we're confident in Goulet's high ranking.
4. Salvador Dali
Dali's penchant for surrealist art clearly carried over into his, ahem, creative manscaping.
3. Rollie Fingers
The MLB Hall of Famer really hit it out of the park with his handlebar mustache — initially, Fingers grew his mustache as a way to get a fellow teammate to shave his. But when Oakland's owner, Charles O. Finley, said that he'd give a cash-prize to the player that could grow and maintain a mustache until Opening Day, he decided to keep it. Sounds like Fingers may have invented the original concept behind No Shave November.
2. Mark Twain
The famous author was not a fan of beards, but he did love himself a good walrus mustache.
1. Friedrich Nietzsche
I have one question and one question only — how did the man eat? Even though Nietzsche wouldn't have thought this list really mattered (considering the whole nihilism thing), this 'stache is certainly the most impressive of the bunch.
This is the time of year when we reflect and give thanks for all the amazing things we have in our lives, like these incredible mustaches, for instance. Join us as we celebrate November a.k.a. Movember with a look at the best 'staches in history.