Does 'Succession' Get Tom and Shiv's Relationship Right? A Vanderbilt Says Yes.
“I don't see why you shouldn't marry a woman with money,” William Makepeace Thackeray has one of his characters say in The History of Pendennis, first serialized in 1848.
“Remember, it's as easy to marry a rich woman as a poor woman: and a devilish deal pleasanter to sit down to a good dinner, than to a scrag of mutton.”
The most recent fictional character to take this advice may be the Midwestern-born Tom Wambsgans, played by Matthew Macfadyen on HBO’s Succession. The second season, which begins on Sunday, has him recently married to Shiv Roy (Sarah Snook), daughter of a media mogul widely believed to be based on Rupert Murdoch (with some Sumner Redstone throne in for good measure). Although they are our favorite couple on TV, Tom and Shiv's relationship is far from idyllic, in no small part due to their unequal financial footing—and Shiv isn't above exploiting the power she holds over her new husband.
Succession takes pains to get the world of the ultra rich right, and Tom and Shiv's marriage is no exception: Matrimony between two people who come from disparate financial backgrounds comes with very particular challenges. These may include social barriers within the wealthier family, vastly different spending habits, and even guilt for enjoying the benefits of inherited money. (Just ask Elisabeth Murdoch, the putative model for Shiv, who is onto her third husband.)
Even when the couple themselves are happy, class barriers for low-born spouses can prove impossible to reconcile. In the 1990s, popular culture shuddered, but couldn’t look away from, Anna Nicole Smith’s union with millionaire oilman, J. Howard Marshall, who was 61 years her senior. In 2006, Warren Buffet married a former cocktail waitress.
A century earlier, Britain’s royal family never forgave American divorcee Wallis Simpson for marrying King Edward VIII, obliging him to abdicate. For their part, Succession's Roy family seems similarly disinclined to accept Tom as a full-fledged relative.
One New York couple which has surmounted these obstacles is Rafael Feldman, an actor-producer-director, and Consuelo Vanderbilt Costin, a recording artist and the founder of SohoMuse, a networking platform for creative professionals. Costin is also a seventh-generation direct descendant of Cornelius Vanderbilt, the 19th century industrialist who became one of the richest men in history.
“Consuelo comes from where she comes from, and I come from a working-class family,” Feldman, who grew up in Canada with an Israeli mother and an Irish father of Lithuanian descent, tells T&C.
His wife, on the other hand, was raised with all the financial and social benefits of the Vanderbilt name. She serves on the board of the Vanderbilt Museum in Centrepoint, L.I., which was her great-grandmother’s summer house. During their courtship, Feldman recalls having to pass a battery of Vanderbilt family tests.
“The only way Consuelo’s mother would agree to meet me for the first time was on the tennis court of the Beverly Hills Tennis Club,” he says.
“That was the first test with her, which I think went pretty well. The second test was at her house in Marin County, Northern California. She put me by myself into this room where her three dogs are, and then basically just walked away. She called it ‘the doggy test.’ I think I was supposed to not get bitten?”
That also went okay. But unfortunately, Feldman stumbled at the third hurdle.
“It spread like wildfire across the entire family,” he says. “A couple of weeks after the ‘incident’ I was sitting at dinner with some of Consuelo’s family members, and one of her uncles leans over to me and says,”—here Feldman affects a patrician voice—“‘Rafael, I hear you wore jeans to the country club.’”
He chuckled at the memory. “First of all, that was a bit of a culture shock. And second of all, I was like: ‘Really? You talk about this stuff?’”
This sort of anecdote comes as no surprise to Dr. Kathryn Smerling, a family therapist who has practiced on the Upper East Side of Manhattan for more than 20 years. Many of her clients are in relationships where one partner comes from great wealth, and the other does not.
“Money means a lot more than just the money,” Smerling says. “It is a metaphor for power.” (Not that anyone has to tell Shiv that.)
"It's a metaphor for the way that you were raised, and for any guilt you may feel. Money is security, money is freedom, money is shame,” Smerling adds.
In dysfunctional relationships, she says, “it can also be used as a as a weapon in an argument: ‘Look, I pay for everything and you don't pay for anything.’ It's a perfect way to hurt your partner who is less wealthy than you.”
In her experience, however, friction over financial disparities tend to be a symptom of deeper problems in the marriage. “There are all kinds of emotions that are attached to money. So I always explore the underlying emotions attached to the circumstance.”
Smerling suggests approaching the situation with humor, something that Feldman seems to instinctively understand. Like the time, after their engagement, he attended a Vanderbilt family retreat at their estate in the Adirondacks. “I said, ‘You can bet that after we do get married, I’m going to be hanging a Star of David right over that fireplace,’” he recalls. “That really opened up the conversation.”
That’s not to say there aren’t still lessons to learn. After they were married, Feldman once made the mistake of booking his wife into an Airbnb for a business trip she was making to attend the Cannes Lions Festival in France. One hysterical trans-Atlantic phone call later, he found her a hotel.
“Things like Airbnbs are frowned upon,” Feldman learned.
“It’s very hard, because I do feel I have expensive tastes,” Costin admits. “But in the same breath I also respect him; I try to hear what he says. Not that I listen carefully. But I try to make compromises when I can.”
“You’ve been better at booking your flights and hotels,” he chimes in sweetly.
“That’s true, I have,” she says. “Rather than going through a travel agent, going to Expedia and Kayak.”
The Vanderbilt-Costin-Feldmans already practice Smerling’s key piece of advice: Always communicate with your partner.
“The two things people find hardest to talk about, which they should, are sex and money,” Smerling says. “But once you talk about it, it’s okay.” Maybe if Tom and Shiv could hear this couple's advice, they'd be better off—but then, the Roys aren't exactly the type to talk it out.
Styling by Sarah Conly, Hair for Sarah Snook by Mary Guthrie, Grooming for Matthew Macfadyen by Nina Soriano. On Snook: Dress, Bernadette at www.mytheresa.com. Shoes, Aquazzura. Gloves, Wing + Weft. Hat, Rachel Trevor-Morgan. Necklace, Gucci. Pearl earrings, Lele Sadoughi. Hand-shaped earrings, Of Rare Origin. Umbrellas, Bella. On Macfadyen: Blazer and pants, Todd Snyder. Shirt, Scotch & Soda. Shoes, Florsheim. Pocket square, Armani. Bowtie, Brackish. Hat, Robert Graham. Pin, Of Rare Origin.
You Might Also Like
