Everything We Know About Mindy Kaling and BJ Novak's Relationship—Including Sweet Details from Her Book
Mindy Kaling and B.J. Novak have one of the most charming, adorable and at times baffling relationships in Hollywood. They dated until they didn't, but remain so incredibly close that the world basically just wants them to call it a day and get hitched already. Kaling touches on their close friendship in her Amazon essay collection, Nothing Like I Imagined (Except for Sometimes), explaining that Novak is much more social than she is (she suffers from at times crippling social anxiety) and knows exactly how to push her buttons—but in the absolute best way.
Their friendship is so fascinating that they even got a book deal for it! Learn all about this adorable will-they-or-won't-they pair, whether Novak could ever be Kaling's husband,
2004: Mindy Kaling and B.J. Novak meet while writing for and starring in The Office
Kaling and Novak met while filming and writing The Office in 2004 when they were both 24 years old. Almost immediately, they had as off-and-on a quasi relationship as their characters, Kelly Kapoor and Ryan Howard, had onscreen. Novak attempted to explain to Vulturein 2012, "We were never really dating, we were never really not dating. We didn't know. No one knew. All you'd know for sure as that you'd always find one of us next to the other, even if we weren't getting along." He also noted that their characters began dating before they did and that Kelly and Ryan's ups and downs were inspired by their own constant arguments.
Kaling says that their relationship is "weird as hell," adding, "He is not my boyfriend, but he is not my best friend. I guess you could describe our relationship as a 'romantically charged camaraderie with loud arguments,' but I don't think Facebook would accept this as a new status."
She recalled to Vulture that they fell in love after working closely together in the writers' room "and then dated on and off for a couple of years, and now we are just, like, best friends. Like, real best friends. It’s the kind of friendship you have when you are embedded with someone, that you can only get by putting in that insane amount of time with people."
Kaling admitted in the essay "Lonely in LA" from her new Amazon book of essays that she was hoping to form a tight knit group of girlfriends when she moved to LA in 2005. Women she could watch rom-coms, shop and cry with. "Instead, I had B.J." she revealed. "He is my genuine best friend, and actually pretty in touch with his feminine side, but he would never do any of that stuff. B.J. doesn’t have much social anxiety (I’ll get into that later), and he’d rather die than ride in a white limo, but for some reason he’s the person who gets me the most."
Kaling revealed in 2015 that she and Novak actually grew up about 10 minutes away from one another, but didn't meet until the show that made them both stars.
2004-2013: B.J. Novak said Mindy Kaling "bullied" and lied to him on the set of The Office (but in good fun)
Novak recalled to The Guardianin 2016 that Kaling trolled him regularly at work. “She would lie to me. She would make up these – just out of nowhere – purposeless lies that I believed. Like saying that Allison Jones, the casting director of The Office, was also an actress who had been the third lead in Cold Mountain. And so I just thought that."
He gave an example: "There was this director, this older woman who directed a couple of episodes, and Mindy told me I couldn’t tell anyone, but Greg Daniels, the showrunner, used to date this woman in college. And then Greg asked me what I thought of her cut and I lied to Greg and said I thought it was great, because I was nervous to insult his ex-girlfriend, so he didn’t make the edits that I wanted. And later I asked him about it and he was like, ‘What are you talking about? She’s 20 years older than I am, we didn’t go to college together!’ I realized that Mindy just made it up. It actually affected my work-life!”
January 2013: B.J. Novak gets to work on The Mindy Project
Kaling hired Novak as a consulting producer on The Mindy Project and had him guest star in a 2013 episode in which he briefly dates Mindy before realizing he's actually in love with his best friend. Novak told Entertainment Weekly, "I don't know that it's a direct analogy, but it's definitely inspired by our relationship," Novak replied. "We are pretty inseparable best friends with a lot of chemistry ourselves, and we're not dating. Whenever we date anyone else, I think there's a period where the person is very skeptical of our friendship: 'Everyone seems to think you two might be a couple, and I don't mean to get in the way. Are you sure you're not dating? Are you sure you're not going to end up dating?' It's such a common thing to have that platonic best friend that becomes a little weird when you start dating someone."
Novak also joked that month that he and Kaling are "soup snakes," a reference to when Michael Scott misread "soulmates" on The Office. Since then, they've referred to one another as "soup snakes" numerous times.
May 2013: Mindy Kaling takes B.J. Novak to her first-ever Met Gala
Kaling told Us Weekly of her big night out, "This is embarrassing, but I'm a really impatient person. I had my hair and makeup done, and I had my pal BJ deejaying. He's my date tonight. We were listening to Nirvana and we drank a little."
2014: Mindy Kaling reveals B.J. Novak dumped her and broke her heart, while Novak admits he wished they'd gotten along better
In a 2014 interview on The Howard Stern Show, Kaling said Novak broke her heart when he broke up with her when they were both 24.
"It was years and years ago that that breakup happened. I was so sad, not angry, sad." Stern asked if she would have married Novak if he'd asked. "At the time? Yeah. I was 24. For the record, if anyone asked me to marry them, I would have said yes." Still, she insisted they wouldn't reunite romantically, explaining, "I love him, and I think he's a great person, but I'm not holding a candle for B.J."
For his part, Novak said in a Reddit AMA that he was closest to Kaling in terms of his colleagues from The Office.
"I was closest with Mindy Kaling, and also least close with Mindy Kaling, on a minute-by-minute basis. And I wouldn't trade it for the world. Actually, I would trade it for the world. What am I talking about: I'd trade it for a more consistently positive relationship with Mindy Kaling. She's the best."
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February 2015: B.J. Novak humblebrags about his and Mindy Kaling's books
Or maybe not so humble.
He also boasted to Bustle about his friendship and working relationship with Kaling, explaining that they argued the most but also allied with one another most in The Office writers' room. "It's really fun to be her BFF, it is less fun to work with her. Mindy knows exactly what she wants, which makes her a great artist, but it is less ideal to get what you want."
He also noted how lovely her texts are. “It is a fantastic relationship with a lot of shorthand. I feel so lucky that I get a brilliant text from Mindy Kaling, like, once an hour. It’s like something you’d win at an auction — Mindy Kaling will blow up your phone!”
May 2015: B.J. Novak and his mom give Mindy Kaling a shoutout
Novak posted a photo of a shopping cart on Instagram complete with a Boston magazine featuring Kaling on the cover while at a grocery store with his mom.
June 2015: Mindy Kaling and B.J. Novak get a joint book deal
“It won't be a tell-all about our relationship,” Kaling insisted to Vanity Fair. “We don’t know all that much about it. We are in the early stages and we just did a work session on it. I think it's going to be great and funny, though.” She explained of working with Novak, "It's kind of not hard. I worked with him for eight years on The Office and basically it was like going to college twice with him because we spent so many hours together at that show. So it’s not hard actually. The experience is like what it would be like if you went to college and grad school with somebody. You meet someone and quickly find out you are great at working with them. So you want to keep that going. We understand each other, so it makes working together easy. I love working with him.”
The same month, Novak honored Kaling for her birthday.
"Happy Birthday @mindykaling," he wrote. "No amount of glamorous red carpet photos can ever cover up your truest and most wonderful self (though I understand why you usually go with those looks and not this one)."
Related: Mindy Kaling on Mom Life, Her New Netflix Show and the $14 Self-Care Product That She’s Hooked On
September 2015: Mindy Kaling admits she loves that fans ship her and B.J. Novak as a couple
"When people say that [they want us to get married or date], it makes me feel so cool," Kaling told The Guardian. "Like, 'Oh, people are thinking about me like I'm a character!' We are so different and we fight a lot, but the gift [Novak] has always given me is the utter and total belief that I am one of the greats. And it is an intoxicating feeling."
November 2015: Mindy Kaling supports B.J. Novak at his app launch
Kaling stopped by the launch of Novak's app, The List.
December 2015: B.J. Novak and Mindy Kaling party together
Kaling and Novak attend a pal's Christmas party together, and she was dressed to the nines.
May 2016: B.J. Novak says his connection with Mindy Kaling is "eternal"
In a 2016 interview with The Guardian, Novak admits he'd like to meet someone and eventually be a dad someday, but also speaks about his relationship and friendship with Kaling. "We're very close in sort of a natural, eternal way," he said. He also shared some silly texts they'd exchanged recently.
November 2016: B.J. Novak makes his final appearance on The Mindy Project.
Novak reprised his role on The Mindy Project for the last time in an episode airing in November 2016. He told Glamour, "I was doubly happy to come back to The Mindy Project, but I never ask. It's just not my style."
As for his relationship with Kaling, he explained, "I think Mindy and I have broken every rule possible and still have maintained a connection. So I guess I'm either the worst person to ask for advice or I'm the best person to give some Zen advice that it will all just work out and don't worry too much about rules and just worry about the quality of the person that you're with."
June 2017: Mindy Kaling honors B.J. Novak for National Best Friends Day
Kaling posted a photo with Novak in which they were dressed as the titular Harry and Sally from When Harry Met Sally, the famous film about BFFs who fall in love. She captioned the snap with a quote from the movie: "'Best friend isn't a person, it's a tier.' Here I am with @picturesoftext, we are dressed as Harry and Sally and I can't really remember why."
March 2018: B.J. Novak and Mindy Kaling attend the Vanity Fair Oscar party together and he celebrates her release of A Wrinkle in Time
The exes-turned-BFFs attend the Vanity Fair Oscar party together, and Novak posted a sweet photo of an A Wrinkle in Time poster in front of Kaling's old Los Angeles apartment.
When asked about Novak's poster message later, Kaling teared up and gushed, "When I was coming up there was no one who looked like me on TV or film, and that was such a nice thing that he remembered that,. I was so moved by that. If you dream big, you can get whatever you want."
April 2018: B.J. Novak sends Mindy Kaling flowers on the set of her film Late Night
Novak sent Kaling white roses to celebrate the first day of filming Late Night. Sweet!
Related: Never Have I Ever's Maitreyi Ramakrishnan's Starring in a Show She Wishes Existed When She Was Growing Up
May 2019: Mindy Kaling friendzones B.J. Novak in the press, he supports her at her Late Night premiere
"The truth is that B.J. is so much more like family now than a platonic friend," she told Good Housekeeping. "He's the godfather to my daughter, he comes over like once a week. Sometimes he'll come over just to hang out with her."
Novak made a sweet appearance at the premiere of Kaling's film Late Night, posing with Kaling on the red carpet.
June 2019: Mindy Kaling reveals that despite being close with B.J. Novak, they won't reunite romantically
"I've known [Novak] for 16 years. We met each other when we were 24, and we're about to be 40. Anyone who's known each other for that long … I think it's nice, I like when people think it's more romantic or sparkly or interesting than it is," she told CBS Sunday Morning, adding that making him Katherine's godfather solidified his position as a member of her family. "Even though that's less of a sexy characterization of our relationship, I think it's a deeper and a closer one," she said. "We do spend a lot of time together and it's a great blessing in my life."
Kaling later explained in her essay collection Nothing Like I Imagined (Except for Sometimes) that her being Hindu and Novak being Jewish posed some questions about his godfather status at first. "I also wanted someone to take Kit to Dodgers games and give her an outlet to complain about me — and then back-channel whatever they heard to me later. But I guess that’s not what a godparent is really for," Kaling wrote. "After I looked it up, I found out that they’re technically supposed to help continue your child’s Christian faith in case you die. B.J. is Jewish, and I am Hindu, so the whole thing made no sense at all. Then B.J. asked a great question: What would godparenting responsibilities mean in terms of Kit’s Hinduism? B.J., for example, is more than Kind of Jewish. Like, when he inevitably makes me the godparent to his child, it would definitely be my responsibility to teach that kid some Judaism. I pray that doesn’t happen for many reasons, but if it did, it would probably make a good sitcom."
She also revealed in her essay book that Novak threw her a 40th birthday party when all she wanted to do was order in sushi and watch TV. Look at how he gazes at her!
August 2019: Mindy Kaling tries to toast B.J. Novak at his 40th birthday party...but can't
For his own 40th birthday, Novak had a huge party at Los Angeles' famed Chateau Marmont, and he requested that Kaling be in charge of the birthday cakes and to give him a toast, she recalled in Nothing Like I Imagined (Except for Sometimes). This was a bit of a challenge for Kaling, who openly admits to having social anxiety.
"So I said, 'Fine, B.J., I’ll come to your party, and I’ll take care of the cakes, and I’ll make a birthday toast, but I will need you to give me a plus-five, which includes my friend Tracey, her husband, my other friend Lang, and my two assistants,'" she wrote. "I wanted to be surrounded by my allies, like the Kardashians whenever they attend an event. A group of people who would make it so I never needed to socialize, and we could take over a sofa and I could drink without ever having to speak to a new person: heaven."
Novak agreed, but she was still intimidated by the cool crowd when she arrived, which included John Mayerand Los Angeles mayor Eric Garcetti. But it was Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame star Wade Boggs—who had only just met Novak that night—who ended up taking the spotlight from her big moment, a la Kanye Westand Taylor Swiftat the 2009 MTV VMAs.
Explaining that she'd spent a great deal of time writing, preparing and testing out her toast, she wrote that despite it being her moment, "Wade’s enormous body barged in front of me, and he began talking ... and didn’t stop. Every time I thought he was finished, he started on a new train of thought. Wade Boggs, who had met B.J. a mere three hours earlier, had taken the microphone from me, one of B.J.’s closest friends, and was now giving a very drunk, rambling, and sentimental speech — about B.J., sure, but mostly about his own life. I could see that Wade had forgotten about my existence and I would not be getting the microphone back. So I slowly inched back into the crowd of guests. That’s right."
She noted that while it was aggressive and sexist, she wasn't upset. "Was I mad? Hell no. In fact, Wade Boggs is my new favorite person because of it," she wrote. "He saved me from my toast with one perfect swing, which is the only baseball analogy I know. And because all of my best material is still unused, I can recycle that birthday speech for B.J.’s funeral. I edged my way out of the party just as John Mayer began to sing. His beautiful voice was the soundtrack of my escape."
September 2022: Mindy Kaling and B.J. Novak Present Award Together at Primetime Emmys
After walking the Primetime Emmys red carpet together, Mindy Kaling and B.J. Novak gave us even more reason to think the two are in fact in a relationship. One of the biggest questions is whether Novak is the father of Kaling's children. The two riffed about their "complicated relationship" while giving us no confirmation. They they poked fun at the nominees for a limited or anthology series or movie and presented the award to Mike White of The White Lotus.
Next, check out Mindy Kaling's most relatable quotes about being a single mom!