What Exactly Is a Platonic Friendship?
Plus, how to make it work.
Friendships are a vital part of life. We all need companionship and support, in one way or another, to enrich our lives. A friendship could be anything from a friendly acquaintance to a romantic love. Our circle of friends typically will include lifelong friends, common-interest friends and intimate friends who we share an extra strong bond with, like a spouse. In this wide spectrum of friends, there could also be a platonic friendship. Its definition might surprise you, as well as if these friendships can actually exist.
Typically, a platonic friendship is one that exists between two people of the opposite sex. Relationships between men and women can be tricky and it's possible that what starts out as a friendship can grow into something more for at least one of the two, especially when there is a strong bond already.
To get a better understanding of what a platonic friendship is, we'll outline the characteristics as well as give the risks and rewards of this type of relationship.
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What Is a Platonic Friendship?
The simplest definition of a platonic friendship is that it is a strong bond between a man and a woman without any romantic feelings. According to Merriam-Webster, the meaning of platonic is "a serious idea of friendship, particularly among people who could just as easily be romantic partners."
It is the type of friendship that is based on deeper communication and trust than what you might find in other relationships. It produces an intimacy of really knowing the other person in more than a casual way. You might truly and deeply love this person.
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Characteristics of a Platonic Friendship
No Romantic or Sexual Feelings - Neither party is attracted to the other romantically or sexually.
Mutual Enjoyment of Spending Time Together - You both look forward to the time you can spend together and make it a priority.
Can Trust The Other Person - You are honest and loyal to each other.
Have Similar Interests And Values - You may have similar hobbies or a strong spiritual connection.
Although it sounds simple and rewarding, it can be much more complicated. Just the fact that there is a strong bond built on good communication and trust is enough to make you wonder how likely it could be that at least one member would begin to develop romantic feelings. Other than the lack of romantic feelings and physical/sexual attraction, the characteristics of a platonic friendship are what you would expect from a spouse. This fact carries with it some risks.
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Risks of a Platonic Friendship
Due to the nature of a platonic friendship, there are certain risks to consider.
One Person Begins To Have Romantic Feelings Toward the Other
Because of the already strong bond, it wouldn't take much for one of you to develop even deeper feelings. If a feeling of romance isn't mutual, it could be devastating to the other person. At this point, it would be hard to go back to a platonic friendship.
Obviously, if both people begin to have romantic feelings, there is no problem. The relationship will be stronger yet and lead to a healthy marriage.
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The Impression a Platonic Friendship Gives Others
If you want to start dating, the person you are attracted to may not like or understand the fact that you are in a platonic friendship. That potential date may perceive your platonic friendship as a threat. Or, they could begin to feel that threat after you start dating. When you want to share the majority of your time with either your date or your friend, it could easily lead to jealousy, especially since the bonds between both relationships are so strong.
The same holds true if you are married and have a platonic friendship with someone else. Given the strong bonds, it could be a threat to your marriage if your spouse has concerns and finds it difficult to accept.
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Rewards of a Platonic Friendship
Even with the risks, that's not to say that a platonic friendship can't work. In some cases, it can and will be a rewarding experience. Good friends can be hard to come by and if you're truly in it for the friendship, it can be a wonderful relationship.
A healthy friendship is one that makes you stronger. You build each other up, communicate honestly, respect each other's opinions and trust each other completely. Along with all of that, a good friendship will provide a lot of laughter—it's important to have a friend who you feel comfortable with and who you can be yourself around.
When you are aware of the risks and keep yourself from them, a platonic friendship can have many benefits.
It can improve your communication skills - A good friend can teach you how to listen and communicate honestly which will help you in other relationships.
You can learn about the opposite sex - There are differences and getting to know them only helps with relating to others.
Gain confidence - When you have the support and respect of another person, you naturally gain confidence.
Have support when you need it - We all go through tough times and having someone to come alongside you to help is priceless.
What a Platonic Friendship Is Not
If you are romantically involved with someone then, break up with them and decide to remain friends, this is not necessarily a platonic friendship. You may remain friends, but a platonic friendship carries with it a strong bond of trust and respect. This could get confusing and make you both wonder if you should try again romantically (depending on why you broke up initially).
Another big not is if you become good friends with someone with the hopes of something developing romantically. Any romantic feelings between either of you could not be considered a platonic friendship.
Basically, a platonic friendship remains platonic if there have never been or will be romantic feelings.
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