Feeling Lost? These 4 Steps Will Help You Find Purpose and Direction Right Now
It’s common to question where your life is going. If you’re constantly asking yourself where your choices are taking you and if you’re making the right ones, you’re not alone. When your wheels are spinning, and you’re on the hunt for direction, those doubts lead you right to the feeling of being lost.
But feeling lost is so normal.
It seems to happen for a few reasons. Either you got to where you always said you wanted to be, only to realize you don’t want that any more. The bottom seems to have fallen out on your big dream. But now you don’t know what you want. So lost.
Or, you’ve never known where you’re going. And you’ve let outside pressures and other people’s expectations dictate your choices. You just went with the flow of what other people said you should do because you weren’t sure what you wanted for yourself (or really, you were just too scared to admit what you did want), and now you’re so far off from who you once wanted to be that it seems impossible to get back.
Well, it’s not impossible. And the questions you’re asking yourself about where your life is going, and if you’re making the right choices, and how to get to where you want to be ... Well, they’re not the right ones (for now). There are much better questions to be asking yourself — questions that will give you better insight on how to get your life back on course. And the good news is, you don’t have to wash your hair or get up off of your couch to do them.
Because, so much of taking care of our future actually comes from taking a look at our past. We can find many of the answers to where is my life going in the stories of where we’ve already been. So, the best thing you can do if you’re feeling lost is to examine areas of your life that are core to helping you reset your direction.
1. Be the highest expression of yourself.
While “Be You!” sounds like a cheery poster in a kid’s classroom, it’s actually imperative that you figure out what that means for you. Because so often, we’re trying to fit the mold of what we think we should be. But consider molds ... they’re cold hard limits that make us less of who we really are. And the easiest way to get lost is by blending in. If you’re not actively coming back to yourself, to who you really are, in all of your desires and quirks and dreams and traits, the right opportunities and people can’t find you.
To figure out what the highest expression of yourself looks like, examine all the places that you’ve told yourself to change in order to succeed. Then reverse that, don’t change them, and if you can, magnify those things.
For example, one woman was always told she’s too social. So, she spent years trying to be less social, less talkative, and less out and about. But what happened when she decided to just be herself? She had the courage and support to start her own event production company, which was an extension of who she was all along.
2. Discover what energized you (and what drained you) in the last year.
We do so much in a single year. Some of it we may have loved. Most of it we’ve probably forgotten about. Plenty of it we hated. But all of it has insight to provide us if we’re willing to notice.
Instead of trying to goal-set your way out of your lost feelings, it’s more useful to reflect your way out of them instead. You’ll know where to step, if you know what actually lit you up like a lamppost and what didn’t.
So take a minute to ask yourself these questions and journal out the answers:
In the last year, what actions made me feel most/least inspired?
In the last year, what actions gave me the most/least energy?
In the last year, when did I feel the most/least proud and what was I doing?
You may be surprised by what pops up. And that’s just fine. When Mel in Texas did these, she realized that she was the most energized by watching her neighbors’ pets (which had become a known thing. Can’t find a boarder? Call Mel). So she decided to take a leadership role in her local animal shelter and now fosters puppies, getting them healthy, and finding them homes. It’s given her life great meaning, and wouldn't have happened without realizing the simple actions giving her so much energy.
3. Think super small.
Alright, now you know now a bit more about what drains you and what perks you up. Now it’s time to write down what you might do about it.
But don’t worry, it’s not going to be a big grand plan that you need to create. You’re not going to take some major leap of faith. You’re going to think small. Because small is manageable. Small actions let you test how you might feel. Small steps are way better than misguided big ones. And over time, they allow you to get closer and closer to a life that feels full of direction.
So I want you to take a look at your answers to everything that energized you, inspired you, and made you proud, and ask yourself: What’s the absolute smallest thing I can do right now to feel more of this?
For example, if you felt the most proud when you wrote a blog post about the neighborhood happenings, you were proud of the outcome and energized by the process ... what’s the smallest thing you could do to feel more of that?
You could pitch another blog post to the site admin. You could buy a domain name to start your own blog. You could write another neighborhood happenings roundup on your Facebook page. And you could keep doing that. And keep doing that. And keep doing that. And you’ll amaze yourself with where it all ends up one day.
Because the path doesn’t reveal itself before we start stepping. We start stepping and create the path as we go. So go, and go small. But for now just schedule the small thing that you’re going to do in your calendar for this week.
4. Assess your roster of support.
None of us are meant to go at this alone. But that’s what we do when we’re feeling lost. We keep our feelings to ourselves. We don’t tell anyone — not our families, not our best pals, not our partners — because we don’t want them to think we’re ungrateful or unhappy. But what you’ll find when you do open up is that many of your solutions and your support are waiting there for you.
It’s important to know who can be there to support you both in your feelings of lost and your plan for small actions around what energizes and inspires you. So take a minute to jot down a name of someone in your life that comes up after you read these descriptions. (It can be the same name for all of them, or a different name each time)
Who always believes in you no matter what? You could tell them the craziest idea, and they’d still tell you YES because they’re all-in on your potential?
Who always seems to have a plan for everything? They’re great at strategies and next steps?
Who’s is always down to introduce you to “someone you should know” and seems to always get that right?
Who always makes you feel like the best version of yourself when you’re with them?
Keep this person or these people close. Give some thought to spending more time with them and sharing both your feelings around your life’s direction and some small actions that you’re considering. They’ll want to be there for you. And maybe you can even ask one of them to hold you accountable. One day, I’m sure you’ll get to do the same.
Because we all need each other.
Your lost feelings won’t dissipate in a day. Sometimes you have to sit in your sh*t a bit. But eventually, if you’ve taken the time to get back to your most expressed self, if you’ve reflected on the past year, and can think of some super small actions and the people to support them, you’ll be closer to feeling like you have direction. Which is way better than any final destination a dream could offer you.
Women's leadership expert Maxie McCoy is the author of You're Not Lost: An Inspired Action Plan for Finding Your Own Way.
You Might Also Like