How to Flirt Using Just Your Body Language
Man and woman flirting using body language
How often have you been across the room from someone and felt them staring at you? Not in a creepy way, but in an “I’m interested in you” kind of way. How do you respond? Maybe you make eye contact with them or give them a small smile. Or, if you’re more brazen, you might walk up to them and ask for their number. On the other hand, you could avoid the contact altogether. Regardless of how you flirt, the ultimate goal is acting on your attraction.
Flirting isn’t a new age concept—it’s biological. Given the trajectory of human and animal evolvement, attracting a mate is linked to reproducing, preserving your bloodline and, ultimately, survival. You have to get it right, though. Since males typically initiate the flirting process in the wild, they pay a hefty price if they don’t pick up on the right signals.
Although most of today’s mating rituals are more subtle and definitely look different from what our prehistoric ancestors did, the art of flirting is still a big part of human existence. A significant part of flirting is non-verbal, with body language playing a pivotal role. Whether you’re a communication expert or someone who tends to shy away from expressing interest, mastering your body language gives you the confidence to flirt without ever uttering a word.
Let’s explore how to flirt using just your body language with tips from experts.
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How Do You Subtly Flirt With Body Language?
From songbirds’ intricate stomping patterns to mating dances that date back to the dinosaur age to the mystery circles left on the ocean floor by pufferfish, flirting with body language is a key component to finding a mate.
However, most of what we know about flirting today isn’t a massive display of interest and affection. It’s more about the small stuff. From teasing someone in a joking way to making eye contact that lasts a little longer than normal, modern flirting is all about subtle signals.
These small interactions sometimes speak louder than overt displays of affection, allowing you to see if someone’s interested without going overboard. A light touch, a shared laugh or sharing an intimate glance with someone are all signs they might be. Whichever method of subtle flirtation you choose, however, do it with confidence. When you can walk the walk and talk the talk, it signals you’re ready to connect with someone special.
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How to Flirt With Just Your Body Language—Without Saying a Thing
Flirting with just your body language can be anything from tilting your head a certain way to how well you make eye contact.
“Flirting is an art that goes beyond a simple expression of ‘I like you,’” Jess Ponce III, communication coach and author, says. “It starts with an internal dialogue that delves deeper, envisioning yourself with the other person and beginning to manifest that fantasy or potential reality physically. This is where your body language becomes a powerful tool of communication.”
Here are a few ways body language experts recommend subtly expressing interest.
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Eye Contact
When Shakespeare said, “The eyes are the windows to the soul,” he wasn’t kidding. Your eyes convey unspoken messages, creating a connection that goes beyond words. “The eyes give a lot away,” Susan Trotter, Ph.D, a relationship coach and mindset, communication and body language expert, says.
Standard eye contact won’t do the trick, though. Trotter says, “Prolonged eye contact is a significant sign of attraction, although glancing at someone, smiling, and then looking away can also signal attraction—especially for women.”
She also suggests that pupil dilation, widened eyes and or raised eyebrows can be other signs. “And, when someone winks at you, it is often a good sign as well.”
Ponce cites the eyes as the first key to catching someone’s attention, saying, “Your gaze becomes soft and alluring, with eyes almost half open and clearly focused. Unlike someone on high alert with wide-open eyes, your gaze exudes stability and coyness. Add an occasional eyebrow lift, and you're in full swing!”
When someone’s interested in more than just a casual interaction, they may also give you what’s called bedroom eyes.
Jackie Golob, sex and spiritual wellness coach and therapist, explains, “Bedroom eyes are a sign of seduction or being flirtatious with someone. This could be to the point of wanting to be able to have sex with them or engage in some sort of sexual activity. Honestly, some people are just born with this beautiful gift without trying, while others try to perfect it. Bedroom eyes look like a stare that naturally is sexy to some people.”
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Facial Expressions
Certain facial expressions signal you’re ready to flirt. They convey subtle cues and signals that go beyond words. Whether it’s a lingering gaze, a raised eyebrow or a playful smile, expressing your emotions with your face sometimes communicates interest better than words. As a body language expert, Ponce acknowledges this and gives a good example of how this plays out in real interactions.
“Having moved past stoic or blank expressions that indicate nervousness, your body is now in pursuit mode,” he says. “Your smile is either wide or half open, with dimples in full attention. This smile resonates with your eyes, enticing the other person physically towards you. This complements the third component—body positioning. You often lean in, testing physical boundaries. How close do you get? How much are your shoulders aimed toward the other person? Is there any physical contact? These are all considerations as you direct your energy toward that person.”
If you want to stick to the basics of facial expressions, try a smile. “When someone smiles and holds it for an extended time, they are likely showing attraction,” Trotter says, mentioning that it’s one of the most easily identifiable expressions that lets you know someone is interested in you. “One can also smile with their eyes and that adds to the significance.”
There isn’t one singular way to smile flirtatiously. Some people prefer a closed mouth when smiling, but others prefer a large grin showing off their teeth. The “Mona Lisa smile,” which is more nuanced, has a slight grin, head tilt and eye contact. Its intensity also differentiates it from a typical friendly grin.
And while smiling is one of the most common ways to flirt by only using body language, the lips themselves are often another giveaway, according to Trotter, who says, “Whether they part or lick their lips, or are looking at your lips, these expressions can reflect nervousness due to interest and/or anticipation of a kiss.”
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Posture
Posture is another key component of showing someone you’re interested in. Think about it—would you think someone slouched over with their hand on their face was interested in you? Probably not.
Men and women sometimes differ in their flirtatious posture, with men tending to take a more dominant stance and women gravitating toward more soft movements—but this isn’t always the case, like we’ve said with other types of nonverbal communication. Generally, regardless of gender, open and relaxed posture and body language usually signal that someone is confident and ready to engage with you.
Personal space plays a role in posture too. Getting closer to someone during a conversation shows that you’re more interested in what they say. Say you’re sitting at a two-person table, and you gently place your hand on top of theirs and lean in. This signals you’re paying attention. On the other hand, if you’re all up in their personal space, that’s a huge red flag (for most people).
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Mirroring Behavior
When we’re young, we’re taught that copying is the highest form of flattery. And while that’s not always true in business, it is in flirting. The chameleon effect, a phenomenon coined in 1999 by researchers at New York University, is the “nonconscious mimicry” of another person’s behavior. This means that sometimes, just observing someone’s behavior can automatically trigger our subconscious to copy it.
Ponce’s final endorsement echoes the importance of the chameleon effect. He says, “If the other person mirrors your energy, leaning in and engaging in a metaphorical dance, then you've made a connection. If not, you can continue to try, but pay attention to your body—it will tell you if it requires more effort or a futile pursuit.”
Trotter also acknowledges how powerful mirroring behavior can be in flirting. “When someone’s facial expressions (and body language) mirror your own,” she explains, “it’s a sign that they are tuned into you and very interested in you.”
But how can you tell if someone’s authentically mirroring you or not? Observation and consistency are key. Test the waters by shifting in your seat, crossing or uncrossing your legs, touching your face or another subtle cue to see if it’s reciprocated. If it is, there’s a good chance the chameleon effect is working—and the person you’ve got your sights on is interested.
Trotter also encourages flirters to notice facial expressions, stating, “If you pay close attention to someone’s facial expressions, you will be able to learn a lot about how attracted they are to you.”
Emotional mirroring is an often-forgotten way to connect on a deeper level. It involves tuning into the emotions of the person you’re interacting with and reflecting similar expressions or statements. If they share something exciting, match their enthusiasm. If they’re concerned, be empathetic. Mirroring someone’s emotions creates a shared experience, but only if your expression is genuine. When done right, emotional mirroring and all the other body language skills you’ve learned are potent ways to strengthen your bond with someone—even if they’re strangers in the grocery store.
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