Gay grandma is not going back to the way things were

In 2001 I wrote a column about my 11-year-old son winning a first-place Tropicana speech at his school. His topic: Having gay moms.

“Being gay means two men or two women who love each other,” he said to an auditorium full of students the day he gave the speech. “I, for one, do not understand what’s so bad about this. Even though I’m not gay, my parents are, and I feel very strongly about this issue.”

Hmmmm. If he gave the same speech today, I wonder if Gov. Ron DeSantis would kick him out of school.

In all seriousness, I was worried that day as I sat in the audience wringing my hands. I feared my son might experience a painful backlash or a string of nasty remarks.

I was wrong.

When it was announced that he had won first place, the students roared their approval by jumping up and clapping.

That experience had a profound effect on me. Don’t underestimate the amount of support that’s out there. It was reinforced when the column was published, and I received more than 100 positive emails (two negative). This was in the days before text messaging and Facebook.

In my column, I described my experience of being gay: “I moved in and out of safe environments as I would move in and out of air-conditioned buildings. Being gay was OK here, not OK there. This person was open, that person was not. I grew accustomed to making quick judgment calls.”

As a result, I often wouldn’t mention my wife, letting people I didn’t know assume I was married to a man. I came out to new people slowly, over time, after I had tested the waters.

I framed it back then that I was fearful. But today I know it to be something else: shame.

If I truly thought being gay was OK, I wouldn’t have needed to be so watchful.

What a difference 22 years makes.

I’ve watched President George Bush win an election partly because he opposed gay marriage, only to celebrate when, more than a decade later the tides turned, and marriage equality became the law of the land. I’ve seen gay characters in TV shows and movies start out as a trickle and turn into a running stream. I’ve observed children of gay parents grow from infancy to adulthood.

More importantly, I’ve been with my wife now for over 40 years, outlasting half of all heterosexual marriages (just saying). We’ve raised three kids, struggled through two cancers, and built a business together. Five years ago, we were blessed with our first grandchild and officially became Nana and Bubbe.

I don’t do shame anymore.

In the new “Don’t Say Gay” Florida where Billy Jean King books are ripped off shelves, when a story of male penguins taking care of a baby penguin is deemed offensive, I will be bold.

I will write. I will use the term “wife” every chance I get. I will wear my “I Will Say Gay/I will protect trans kids” T-shirt. Everywhere.

Think we’re going back into hiding?

Think again.

DeSantis. Will not. Erase us.

Sharon Kant-Rauch is a former Tallahassee Democrat reporter and is currently a real estate agent at Kant Realty of North Florida. She is author of “Life in the Out Lane: The Bumpy Road Toward Love, Laughter and Enlightenment” and the upcoming mystery, “One Precious Life.” She can be reached at [email protected]

This article originally appeared on Tallahassee Democrat: Gay grandma is speaking out, not going away