Gen Z sex fears exposed — therapists reveal 5 common worries, from body shaming to unwanted nudes

Call them The Young and the Sexless.

For anyone who came of age during the latter part of the 20th century, the idea may seem farfetched, but according to research, Generation Z — born between 1997 and 2012 — are less sexually active than other groups at that age.

The reasons why, one could pile them high, apparently — technology addictions, increased stress, mental health issues and social stunting due to the COVID-19 lockdowns are just a few we can blame, a new HuffPost article on the subject suggests.

One in four Gen Z adults — who as of 2024 can be as old as 27 — confess to never having sex, according to a 2021 Kinsey Institute and Lovehoney survey quoted in the story.

Some 31% of that group said the the closest they’ve come is sexting, or virtual sex with a partner.

At least one expert suggests that Zers are simply redefining what sex actually means.

“When young adults say they aren’t having sex, this does not necessarily mean that they are sexually inexperienced; rather, many of them seem to be expressing their sexuality in a different way — and, increasingly, that’s through an internet connection,” sex researcher Justin Lehmiller wrote in response to the survey results at the time.

Is what old people — say, Gen Xers — used to call “cybersex” in danger of replacing the IRL deed of darkness?

HuffPost reached out to therapists who work with young clients to find out exactly what is going on. Here are some trends they’ve noticed. Turns out, some of them are surprisingly familiar — but usually with a twist.

Communication is a big problem

Gen Z is having a hard time talking to partners and prospective partners about boundaries and desires, the pros say.

While talk about bodily autonomy, consent and pleasure is all out in the open nowadays, apparently it gets tougher when it’s time to apply that to your own relationship, according to New York City therapist Keanu Jackson, who works as part The Expansive Group therapy practice.

“I actually encounter a bunch of folks who seek support in learning how to advocate for themselves and to speak truth into their sexual and relational needs,” Jackson told HuffPost.

“There is a wide misconception that if you wish to have a long-term healthy relationship, that you need to be ready to meet 100% of your partner’s needs 100% of the time. Not only is this a wildly dangerous and unrealistic expectation, but it also teaches folks that your personal boundaries aren’t as important. This is especially the case when there are clear power differentials present in the relationship and controlling behaviors.”

Gen Z feels pressured to put labels on their sexuality

Turns out, the generation that made fluidity a part of their brand feels no less pressed by peers when it comes to defining their own sexuality.

But it’s not what you think, said Los Angeles-based therapist Torri Efron Pelton — young people nowadays are pressuring each other to “explore [their] sexuality freely,” when they might not be ready for that particular adventure.

“With the openness of social media and recognition of multiple sexual identities, teens are feeling both more acceptance and pressure to explore themselves to not fit into a box,” Efron Pelton told HuffPost.

“Sexual freedom has led to concerns of, ‘What if I don’t want sex to be casual?’ ‘What if I don’t know what I like and everyone else does?’”

“While expanding our choice of labels was meant to be inclusive, many of my Gen Z clients feel pressure to pick a label early on and stick with it rather than truly exploring who they are and what they want,” said Efron.

She said that she’s had to help her clients to understand that there’s no deadline.

“I often hear, ‘I don’t know what I am,’ referring to sexual preferences,” Efron said. “To that I simply ask, ‘Why do you need to [know] right in this moment?’”

Gen Z feels marginalized from certain sexual communities

Where an older person might shrug and move on at the sight of an advertisement or an app profile that boldly specific physical requirements to the exclusion of all others, Gen Z sexual adventurers find these attitudes upsetting, said Jackson, who identifies as a “queer, kinky, Black therapist.”

Jackson said he’s seen ads for events that ”restrict access based on physical appearance — race, weight, height, etc. — or have heard of folks who paid to attend a gathering being ultimately denied entry without a stated reason.”

“Any person of color can assume what actually happened,” he said.

The barrage of unwanted nudes is bothersome

Sexually explicit content sent on apps like Snapchat that disappears without a trace is a big problem for Gen Z clients, said Efron Pelton.

“I once had a young male client, around 15. He opened his Snapchat and saw an explicit photo sent to him. He felt completely unsafe returning to school being around that peer and unsure how to process what he had just seen,” she recalled.

“For many of these children, there is no warning when opening a Snapchat of what they are about to see. So regardless of setting the boundary that they do not want to engage sexually with this person, they have to live with the image in their mind that they never asked for,” she said.

Gen Z experiences performance anxiety

“We live in a culture of shame, unfortunately, that assigns value judgment based on what your body looks like, and perceived sexual prowess,” Jackson explained.

“What I mean by this, for example, is that based on how you look, someone may assign a sexual script to you before you even have the chance to introduce yourself. If you somehow don’t fit the mold that was created for you, then it’s likely that you’ll be mistreated or shamed just for being yourself, which of course could lead to increased anxiousness as you’re trying to have sex or be intimate with someone,” he said.

This is especially an issue among queer men, who may feel pressured into taking one role or the other with a partner, the pro pointed out.

Bottom line — while speaking frankly about sex, and being more openminded about it has become the norm among younger people, there’s still a lot that needs to happen for the youth to become truly comfortable in their own bodies.

“There are still very pervasive and harmful messages about sex and intimacy that are deeply embedded within our culture that won’t fade out for quite some time,” Jackson said.