Granger Smith Opens Up About 'Crushing' Guilt After 3-Year-Old Son's Death
Country singer-turned-minister Granger Smith opened up about the harrowing 2019 death of his 3-year-old son River Kelly, who passed away as the result of an accidental drowning.
On Sept. 19, Smith appeared with wife Amber on Tamron Hall's show, speaking in detail about his child's passing. The musician published his book Like A River: Finding the Faith and Strength to Move Forward After Loss and Heartache in August, sharing how his late son's death affected him.
Hall asked him about an emotional chapter in the book, in which Smith confessed he contemplated ending his life with a 9mm Glock due to his immense grief. He explained, "We were about six months after we lost Riv…Therapy had taught me some things. I figured out a few ways to kind of diffuse it a little bit. I was feeling okay, I was feeling better."
Smith then shared that while performing in Boise, Idaho, he felt "normal" for the first time since River's passing, without getting PTSD flashbacks of finding River's lifeless body in the pool.
He was excited to have drinks with the band post-show, but after having a few shots and getting tipsy, he began getting flashbacks—which he refers to as "the slideshow"— again. In a moment of hopelessness, he "reached for the one place I knew could stop it."
Smith also detailed why he felt culpable for River's death, explaining, "I was processing it badly. I was doing a terrible job because it was crushing me…I felt guilty about failing at the one thing—you know, it's almost a joke that people say, 'Here's the one thing you got to do is just keep them alive 'til they're 18 and get them out of the house.'"
He added, "It's a joke and I failed at that one thing. I failed at keeping my son alive when all I had to do was be there for him. And I was in the yard. I was responsible. I was the responsible adult. Amber was in the house. I had all three kids with me and I failed at that."
Smith shared the heartbreaking news of the little one's passing on June 6, 2019, with a lengthy statement on Instagram. It revealed that the child died "following a tragic accident and despite doctors' best efforts." The dad noted that the family decided to donate River's organs "so that other children will be given a second chance at life."
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