'The Great Garrett Underpants,' a 5-year-old boy with cancer, writes his own obituary

The Great Garrett Underpants was known to strike when you least expected it. Doctors, nurses, and interns would be the victims of his teasing, whoopie cushions and a variety of pranks.

This young imp was never off his game, not even when he battled cancer for nine months — and especially not when he wrote his own obituary.

Garrett Matthias of Iowa passed away on July 6 after battling a rare form of cancer. Emilie and Ryan, his parents, were confident that their 5-year-old would survive, but in June they were told that his cancer was terminal.

So they started to ask him questions, and his answers inspired his final note to the world.

The beginning of his obituary reads much like a Facebook status that is shared among parents: ask your children these questions and write down their answers, NO CHEATING!

Garrett says his name and offers his birthday as “I am 5 years old”; his address is “I am a Bulldog!”

His favorite people include his “Mommy, Daddy, my sister ‘Delcina’ [Delphina],” as well as his grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, and of course, Batman.

The things he loves most: “Playing with my sister, my blue bunny, thrash metal, Legos, my daycare friends, Batman and when they put me to sleep before they access my port.”

And the things he hates: “Pants!, dirty stupid cancer, when they access my port, needles, and the monkey nose that smells like cherry farts…I do like the mint monkey nose like at Mayo Radiation and that one guy that helped me build Legos (Randy)”

The other questions are things parents never want to ask their child, but, true to form, Garrett was fearless, and provided more laughs.

“When I die: I am going to be a gorilla and throw poo at Daddy!

“Burned or Buried: I want to be burned (like when Thor’s Mommy died) and made into a tree so I can live in it when I’m a gorilla.

“Big or Small Funeral: Funerals are sad: I want 5 bouncy houses (because I’m 5), Batman, and snow cones.”

On July 14, Garrett’s family will be hosting a Celebration of Life, a “Symbolic Asgardian burial ceremony and fireworks will be held just after sunset.”

A neighbor of the family has allowed his pond to be used to float small boats, and a local archer will shoot a flaming arrow into it to promote the Asgardian theme.

On a later date, there will be a private burial “once his parents figure out how the hell to get his ashes made into a tree and locate a nature preserve, so his tree resides in a protected area.”

He’s even getting five bouncy houses, after the daycare center Garrett attended helped the family find them, according to Des Moines Register.

According to the GoFundMe, Garrett suffered from stage IV alveolar fusion negative rhabdomyosarcoma (ARMS), a rare form of cancer. The cancer affected Garrett’s temporal bone, cranial nerve, and inner ear. ARMS is not always fatal, but it was for Garrett.

If this story has broken your heart, then maybe Garrett’s last words will lift your spirits again. The obituary ends: “Nothing caught people [more] off guard [than] his response to ‘see ya later alligator’: See ya later, suckas! — the Great Garrett Underpants.”

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