Your Grief Over the Election Results Is Entirely Valid
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The past couple of days have felt like a waking nightmare for many of us. Sure, any presidential election is bound to bring its fair share of disappointment. But after Tuesday’s shocking results, a lot of people are also coping with heavier emotions—heartbreak, hopelessness, despair, and maybe even grief.
We typically associate grief with the loss of a person (or perhaps a beloved pet). But you don’t actually need to experience a physical death to feel that gut-wrenching pain. Right now, many Americans are reeling from a bunch of different losses, Adia Gooden, PhD, a clinical psychologist based in Chicago, tells SELF—and even though they’re not necessarily tied to specific people, they’re just as valid (and distressing).
Chances are, your sorrow doesn’t only stem from which candidate won: “Elections bring with them the promise of a future that you had hoped for,” Dr. Gooden explains. (After all, they can impact everything from our laws and rights to our social norms.) That future could have included things like affordable health care, for example, real action on climate change, or the first female president (one who’s Black and South Asian, no less). So when those hopes seemingly shatter and no longer feel in reach, it’s natural to mourn the loss and cycle through disbelief, frustration, numbness, and/or existential dread, she says.
Another thing to consider: “People may also be grieving the emotional investment they made for a particular outcome or vision,” Michele Nealon, PsyD, president of The Chicago School, tells SELF. Maybe you spent hours campaigning in a swing state or posting voting resources and infographics on your Instagram—and now, your efforts feel like a total waste. Or you endured draining conversations with bigoted family members all for nothing. In these instances, “grief may be about an anticipated path or set of values you believed would improve your life and community,” Dr. Nealon says. “And it’s normal to need to process and adjust to a reality different from what you worked so hard for.”
Most of us in the depths of grief right now aren’t just distressed about what already happened, though; we’re also freaking out about “what if” scenarios regarding certain freedoms, protections, and promises that could be taken away. “Unlike grief for a past event, anticipatory grief is centered on future possibilities, which can create a lingering sense of unease and make it hard to find peace,” Dr. Nealon explains.
While we don’t yet know what, exactly, will happen to fundamental rights like legal access to abortion or gender-affirming health care, the mere thought of living in a world without these things can feel like a loss in and of itself. For example, “women may be prematurely grieving their right to make decisions about their own bodies,” Dr. Gooden says. “People in the LGBTQ+ community may be mourning the ability to comfortably express their identities and pursue relationships safely.” In general, there are also looming uncertainties about the future of our democracy and whether we need to brace ourselves for even more political and social division, racial injustice, and global chaos.
As you’re reading this, life might seem utterly hopeless and…really scary. (How am I supposed to just go to work? How do I pretend everything’s okay when it’s not?) But what’s important during these difficult times, according to both psychologists, is doing your best to tend to your mental health. That’s going to look different for everyone, but if you need some inspiration, here are a few expert-backed suggestions to consider.
Give yourself permission to feel your feelings. You don’t have to rush to “fix” your uncomfortable emotions, nor should you deny them. Instead, both Dr. Gooden and Dr. Nealon recommend honoring your grief—whether that means journaling every worried thought that pops up in your head, going on a rage run, or…crying and screaming into the void that you’re pissed, stressed, and downright terrified! However you choose to acknowledge your pain, it’s the first step towards working through it—and eventually, moving forward.
Lean on your support system. The world may seem like a profoundly dark and dire place right now, but spiraling in isolation will only make the situation worse. That’s why Dr. Gooden recommends surrounding yourself—and perhaps venting with—loved ones when you’re emotionally ready. “Being reminded that there are people who care about you can be incredibly validating during a time like this,” she says, and staying connected and supported is one of the most comforting things we can do as we all adjust to this post-election reality.
Don’t underestimate the power of distraction. You might feel selfish or guilty for smiling during a time like this. But even small joys (like treating yourself to an extra large pumpkin-spiced latte or grabbing dinner with a friend) can make a major difference in snapping you out of a doom spiral and instilling a flicker of hope when you need it most, Dr. Nealon says. So go ahead: Take a leisurely walk outside while listening to a (non-political) podcast. Get out of your head by making a cute, ugly craft. Order that deep-dish pie from your favorite pizza place and dig into it as you successively stream your favorite mindless show. Not only can these distractions improve your mental health in the moment, but according to Dr. Nealon, “Reconnecting with the small things that make you happy can help you foster resilience down the line.”
Obviously, it’s challenging to feel anything but defeat and despair if you’re really going through it right now. But find comfort in this: These intense emotions are a reminder of how deeply you care, Dr. Gooden says. And the fact that millions of other people are experiencing post-election grief, too, underscores how united we really are in this moment—and, hopefully, committed to fighting for change.
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Originally Appeared on Self
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