What Happened When I Meditated Every Day for 30 Days

I've never been great at meditation—sitting still and tuning out the world. As a full-time working mom of two with part-time childcare, my mind perpetually runs through a never-ending mental to-do list, trouble-shooting potential problems for each. "We're having a beach day. What if three cups of milk aren't enough for my three-year-old? What if one of them gets so dirty that it bothers them, and we don't have a change of clothes?"

On the one hand, it helps me be prepared for literally everything (and with kids, expect the unexpected.) On the other, it is utterly exhausting.

During the pandemic, yoga and meditation were familiar suggestions for solving our problems. "Have you tried it? You should try it," said all the "experts" on TV. Then, it became a joke—rightfully so, in my opinion. You cannot downward dog and breathe your way out of a public health crisis with zero childcare options. I felt validated in my skepticism toward meditation being possible in the first place. Who can sit still and breathe for one minute, let alone 30?

I've declared the summer of 2023 the summer of normal as the acute phase of the pandemic has faded. But that means more possibilities for outings and items on my to-do list (in addition to a full workload). Add in some not-so-normal worries like a looming recession and constant reminders of the climate crisis, and there's plenty to ruminate on. None of these things have been good for my mental health. I've been short with my family—kids included—and I don't like that about myself.

Numerous studies over the years, including these ones from 2014, 2015 and 2017, have extolled the benefits of meditation for mental health, including reduced anxiety.

So I decided, with a hefty dose of skepticism mixed with desperation, to try meditation.

Related: The Benefits of Mindfulness—Here’s How To Live in the Here and Now (And Why You Should)

What I Needed to Mediate Daily

Not much, really. The cool thing about meditation is that you mostly just need your breath. But I knew I needed a little more help, so I used guided meditations. I found them in three places:

1. My Peloton app. We got a Peloton during the pandemic. The library of workouts includes meditations—some as short as five minutes. Since I'm already an avid user of the app, including yoga classes taught by instructors who also lead guided meditation, it was a natural fit.

2. The Calm Channel on YouTube. Calm is a lauded meditation app. There's also a YouTube channel with quick breathing exercises—some as little as one minute. Having these handy was clutch on busy days when I was operating without childcare. I knew I could fit in at least 60 seconds of meditation.

3. Spotify. Typing in search terms like "guided meditation," "guided afternoon meditation" and "mantra meditation" led me to an extensive library of options ranging in duration from 60 seconds to hours on end (I did not have time for the latter).

I also learned as I went that I needed a quiet space, which wound up being the middle of my backyard or my bed.

Related: 15 Meditations for Anxiety, Because Sweaty Palms and a Racing Heart Aren't Fun For Anyone

How Did It Feel to Meditate Every Day for 30 Days?

I committed to meditating for at least 60 seconds (preferably five minutes) around lunchtime daily. I figured I'd do it at my desk. That way, I wouldn't even have to move.

I quickly learned this was a massive mistake. On day one, I opened my Peloton app to do a relaxation meditation by Chelsea Jackson Roberts. It was not relaxing. My mind raced, and I answered two emails during it. On the second day, I ended a 60-second meditation from Calm 46 seconds in because my 12 p.m. interview called me at 11:59 a.m.

I already felt discouraged. Maybe I shouldn't have taken on this challenge—I, the person who insisted meditation was some frilly, pretend form of faux self-care, clearly was not up to the task.

Then, I breathed (the irony of this is not lost on me). I needed to adjust. For starters, meditating where I worked was not going to work. It was far too distracting, and work has been a source of stress lately. I needed to step away to turn inward. I also recently implemented an affirmation jar habit. I reminded myself that one of my affirmations was "progress, not perfection." I was not going to become a meditation pro in a day, but if I could tune out the world and into myself for one minute of a five-minute meditation, I could consider that a success (for now, at least).

Luckily, the Memorial Day Weekend was coming up, giving me a built-in opportunity to try out meditation sans work. Not surprisingly, away from my desk and without emails pinging, I was actually able to focus on my breath. Sometimes, my mind would race. But, as Peloton Aditi Shah says in her meditation, I just took them in without judgment and re-focused. 

After four days of meditating without work, I felt lighter, more refreshed and ready to take on the week ahead. I also noticed I was more patient with my kids when tensions were high. At one point, when my children were fighting over the boat in our backyard splash table, I reminded myself of a mantra I heard in a Peloton mantra meditation, "Peace begins with me." I breathed and calmly broke up the fight, finding that my sons' moods became more even more quickly when I spoke in a measured tone than when I yelled.

Renewed, I was more committed than ever to honoring my intention to step away from my desk daily for a quick meditation. And I did. I decided that this act of self-care was as important as churning out a quick-turnaround story in less than eight hours. In fact, meditation provided me with coping skills that helped me complete these tasks with less stress.

For the next two weeks, my daily meditation felt like a cleanse for my mind—mental hygiene, if you will. The world was literally on fire during the third week due to the Canadian wildfires, forcing our family to stay instead of allowing the boys to burn energy outside. The daily breather was essential for my sanity. I gave myself grace when I could only do a 60-second, basic breathing meditation on Calm's YouTube channel—it was something, and it still helped me feel better to go back to my breath (and close my eyes to block my view of the orange sky temporarily).

Related: A New Study Found That Doing This Workout 3x a Week Can Significantly Improve Your Memory

How I Feel After Meditating for a Month

I'll be clear: Meditation isn't going to solve the climate crisis, nor would it have solved all my issues from having two kids during the pandemic. But I am a humbled convert. It can absolutely improve your mental health, and it drastically helped mine. I have such little time to myself as a working mother, and tensions always seem to be so high either with work or family—and often both at once. A few things I noticed at the end of my 30 days:

• I listen better. During meetings and phone calls, I often have numerous tabs open at once. I'm guilty of writing another story, responding to emails and rage Facebook messaging a friend. Meditation helped me see how important it is to do one thing at a time. While that's not always possible with two small children, I can absolutely control it during meetings and interviews. Tuning into what other people are saying helped me feel more connected (even over Zoom or a phone), ask better questions in interviews and overall feel more "with the program."

• My focus has improved. Outside of meetings, my drastic reduction in tabs and focus on remaining in the moment has helped me focus more on the task at hand. I feel considerably less frazzled and like I have heightened attention to detail.

• I'm more patient. The biggest reason I wanted to take this challenge was because I found myself being so short with my sons – they deserve better. Learning the importance of my breath and how well it could calm me down allowed me to pause during power struggles. I took a breath, reminded myself who gets to play with a truck first is not a true emergency (at least for me, as an adult) and responded with grace and a measured tone.

• My workouts got better. I'm training for my first marathon since 2018, and there have been considerable physical cobwebs to dust off. But using workouts to run through my to-do lists was also weighing — and slowing — me down. Focusing on putting one foot in front of the other and taking measured breaths during morning runs actually helped me knock 20 seconds off my 5K pace. Better yet? I come in feeling refreshed instead of stressed.

Meditation was grounding. It made me calmer when everything around me was chaotic. And when a person close to me was unraveling, I became that person and suggested meditation. And I'm proud of it.

Next up: What Is Mindfulness?