Heart matters: February holidays get to beating center of life | Candace McKibben

Whether we are talking about the actual human heart which weighs between seven and 15 ounces, beats 100,000 times a day, and is a little larger than the size of a fist, or the heart as the center of human emotions, the month of February is associated with heart matters.

In 1964, after experiencing a heart attack himself, President Lyndon B. Johnson, designated February as the month to focus on heart health. Since then, other U.S. Presidents have followed suit annually, recognizing that cardiovascular disease is the number one cause of death for adults in the United States.

Described as the “silent killer” because it has few symptoms before striking, prevention is the best defense against heart disease. Employing the good habits of eating a healthy diet, daily exercise, adequate sleep, and others you can read about on the American Heart Association’s excellent website heart.org can make a significant difference in your risk for heart disease.

More laughter, being silent and still several times a day, and deep breathing are simple adjustments that make a difference.

The February holidays of Valentine’s Day, Ash Wednesday, and Buddha Nirvana Day, focus on the heart as the center of emotions within humanity rather than the heart as a human organ. Both understandings of the heart matter to our personal and national wellbeing.

Emotional and physical center

It is interesting to consider which understanding of heart is the more difficult to treat when insults to the heart occur. When my father was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes in his 80s, he was encouraged to make lifestyle changes that would help him cut back on his LDL, or “bad cholesterol.”

Learning this just before Thanksgiving, I tried to prepare a holiday meal that would honor my father’s dietary needs and be the feast my family had learned to expect and enjoy. I am in awe of those who develop the art and discipline of preparing delicious food that is also good for our bodies.

As difficult as this food preparation change was for me, it does not compare to the heart adjustments I have had to make at challenging times in my life when faced with betrayal, discrimination, depression, and relational cutoff. Human suffering of so many types can threaten our heart as the center of our emotions, can threaten our emotional wellbeing.

Power of love

During this month when the focus in retail establishments, public and social media, and society turns from New Year’s to Valentine’s Day, it feels like a good time to embrace the power of love in healing a broken heart.

In the same way that my father had to adjust his diet to restore his health, so perhaps we need to adjust our emotional diets as people who have become desensitized to the growing acceptance of mean-spiritedness and hatred. Perhaps we need to become more intentional about the words we speak, the thoughts we share, the feelings we indulge.

When I was a child, I remember the excitement in preparing Valentines for my classmates. There was never a consideration given of leaving out a child we did not favor. Rather, we brought to class enough cards for each of our classmates, neatly tucked into a small envelope upon which we had handwritten his or her name.

In class, we each had a handcrafted receptacle of some sort – a box, bag, or envelope - to collect our valentines. I remember Valentine’s Day being a good day, a day everyone was treated with kindness.

As I became a teen, Valentine’s Day was either positive or negative depending on my sense of being valued by some romantic interest. I have been impressed with the ways in which my grown children and their peers have made of the day a broader, more inclusive celebration.

Learning new behaviors

Galentine’s Day was introduced by a 2010 episode of “Parks and Recreation,” and continues to be celebrated on Feb. 13 as a tribute to “besties” or dearest friends. While celebrated mostly by the gals, hence the name, anyone can celebrate friendship on this day.

Staff at Senior Centers and Senior Living Facilities make it a point to remember Valentine’s Day in ways that affirm everyone as special. This egalitarian celebration of love and offering of positive human regard to each other seems to be more important now than ever.

According to the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF), prejudice and hate are on the rise in the United States. But UNICEF also reminds us that these attitudes and behaviors are not innate. They are learned and they can be unlearned.

In a recent article, “Six Tips for Loving Your Enemy,” Ravi Chandra, psychiatrist, writer, and compassion educator in San Francisco, and a distinguished fellow of the American Psychiatric Association, asks “When ‘enemies’ and hatred seem to abound, online and in real life, is loving them something we should even aspire to? And, if so, how can we possibly go about it?”

He concludes, “Adding love and shared humanity to our emotional ecosystem is a responsible way to put the brakes on hatred and the chances for violence that hatred brings.” We need more love, less hate, in our emotional diets.

Loving your enemies

In this Black History Month, I am reminded of the remarkable Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. who studied the words of Mahatma Gandhi and his call for peaceful protests in India. In a sermon called “Loving your enemies,” King said “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that.”

Appreciating our precious lives and living with gratitude are at the heart of “Ash Wednesday,” which fell this year on Valentine’s Day and was celebrated by many Christians as the beginning of the holy season of Lent. The convergence of these two days seems fitting as we think of the ways human love strengthens the meaning of our precious lives.

The Buddha’s death day, honored on Feb. 15 as “Buddha Nirvana Day,” like Ash Wednesday is a reminder that life is transient, wakening us to the importance of living well. Buddha taught, “Hatred does not cease by hatred. By love alone does hatred cease. That is the eternal law.”

The wisest among us through the years have encouraged that love is the answer. And we can determine to practice love, which many believe is innate, and might help not only our emotional wellbeing, but our physical wellbeing. The oxytocin generated in the brain by practicing loving actions is known to reduce blood pressure and to lower the risk for cardiovascular disease.

During this month when we celebrate the heart, both our physical one and emotional one, I pray we all will resolve to be more loving to family, friends, neighbors, work colleagues, and yes, our enemies, knowing that love is the answer.

The Rev. Candace McKibben is an ordained minister and pastor of Tallahassee Fellowship.

This article originally appeared on Tallahassee Democrat: Heart matters: February holidays focus on the center of emotions