Hoda Kotb on wellness and the 'whispers' that led to 'Today' exit: 'Have you done it all?'

AUSTIN – Hoda Kotb is leaving “Today,” sprinting with open arms toward fresh tomorrows.

When I spoke with the "Today" and "Hoda & Jenna" host in March for her children's book, "Hope is a Rainbow," Kotb said she dreamed of moving into the wellness space. Eight months later, and one month after announcing her "Today" departure, Kotb shared a glimpse at the pivot when she and "Today" hosted 150 attendees for a wellness retreat at Miraval Austin Resort and Spa last weekend.

When Kotb announced her exit on "Today" on Sept. 26, Savannah Guthrie congratulated her co-anchor for having the guts to start a new adventure. But on a patio at Miraval, Kotb says she didn't need to muster any courage.

"Weirdly, at that point, it was my only choice to me," she says. "I have everything I want. I'm not risking something. I have the love of my family. I have wonderful colleagues who will be my friends forever. I have it. So I didn't feel like, 'What am I losing?'"

An inner voice beckoned: “The whispers were very quiet, and then as they went on they became much louder, to a point where you almost couldn't not listen,” Kotb says. “In different forms, it was saying, ‘You're an adventurer.’ It was saying, ‘You need time with your kids (Haley Joy, 7, and Hope Catherine, 5).’ It was saying, ‘What's this next chapter?’ It was saying, ‘Have you done it all?’ ”

“Today” appointed Kotb as Matt Lauer’s replacement in 2018 after NBC fired the disgraced journalist for alleged sexual misconduct. (Kotb, a 26-year NBC News veteran, also worked on the network’s investigative series “Dateline.”) Kotb and Guthrie marked the first female leading anchor duo for “Today” since its debut in 1952. The morning show’s festivities for Kotb’s 60th birthday in August solidified her decision to leave.

“I cried almost the whole party, mainly because I knew,” she says of an acknowledgment that provided a sense of ease. “It's like when you tell yourself the truth about something your whole body relaxes, your body goes, ‘OK.’ That's how I felt ever since. The love is strong, and that's why the pain is there, but I'm ready.”

She’ll exit her daily desk duties early next year but will continue as an NBC contributor and on its Making Space podcast.

“Daily therapy sessions” with Guthrie and late-morning co-host Jenna Bush Hager is what Kotb will miss most. Their friendship will continue, Kotb says, “but I am going to miss the intimate moments like that, which you can only have when you're vulnerable, when you're bleary-eyed, when you haven't slept and when you're sitting next to each other, and suddenly you just pour out your soul.”

During this time of transition, Kotb clings to a vision of herself on the other side, a tip she learned from Sarah Jakes Roberts, an author and pastor. “She says you can't just jump into an abyss,” Kotb explains. “I'm walking my kids to school, and I'm trying something new, and I feel fulfilled, and I'm in touch with everybody who I love. It was all these ‘ands.’ So I could see it. So I think once I could see it clearly, I was like, ‘OK, now I got it.’”

Kotb’s plans also include introducing a new business that will focus on “giving women permission to take care of their wellness” with an app and more retreats. The concept of wellness clicked for Kotb in her 50s, when she felt rundown.

“I'm like, ‘I know I'll eat salmon and go for another run and then I'll feel better,’” she says. “And I did, for a day. And then I realized there has to be something more that nourishes you, short of veggies and sweating on a Peloton bike. You have to have more.”

Hoda's retreat: I went to the 'Today' show and Hoda Kotb's wellness weekend. It changed me.

Throughout the weekend attendees could practice meditation, yoga and breathwork (Kotb and Bush Hager are fans). Attendees heard inspirational talks from Maria Shriver and Jamie Kern Lima, the co-founder of IT Cosmetics who triumphed over several naysayers and eventually sold her thriving business for $1.2 billion.

Kotb wants her next chapter “to be about returning the favor,” she says. “I've been given way more than I deserve, way more. So now it's like this is the season of giving, of helping, of mentoring, of showing and hopefully it could make someone else's life easier.”

“Her example of leaving at the top inspires people to say ‘What do I truly want?’," Kern Lima says, "and to embrace that they're worthy of trusting themselves, of betting on themselves and of living the life that that they feel is in alignment with their assignment.”

Kotb reflected on the many meaningful connections she made Monday, following the retreat. “I didn't know my heart could hold that much or had that much capacity. It just kept deepening.”

She Kotb felt even more assured that leaving “Today” is the right choice.

“I think it did solidify something that I knew to be true,” she says. “I felt like it was home. I was like, ‘This is what home feels like. This is when something's right.’”

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Why is Hoda Kotb leaving 'Today?' 'The pain is there, but I'm ready'