Hotel Hit Squad: Is hotel-hopping (by bicycle) the next big trend?
Middle-aged men in Lycra (Mamils) started the cycling holiday trend. Now health-conscious millennials are also sweating with excitement at the prospect of bike-themed fitness breaks. Not me. Perhaps it’s their seriousness; perhaps it’s their spandex-clad smuggery. But hail an exciting development: a hotel-hopping cycling break from family-run Wild Carrot, which has just launched tours across the Calcot Collection of properties in the Cotswolds.
The concept, while not completely new, is so embryonic that it doesn’t even have a name (something tells me 'hotel-bike-hopping' or 'hotel-cycloping' might not catch on). In any case, it’s perfect for wusses and Bradley Wiggins wannabes alike.
"Just three more hills until the pub," said my guide, James, as I spluttered up what any self-respecting cyclist would dismiss as a 'bump'.
It didn’t stop me whooping with euphoria when I got to the top. The best bit was that, on Roman roads this smooth, I didn’t have to pedal. Cotswold stone houses speckled the landscape. Rapeseed radiated a prickly, yellow fluorescence. Fields foamed white with cow parsley. Fern forests closed in then fizzled away.
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It was hard to believe I’d been nervous the night before while staying at Barnsley House, the starting point for my cycling experience: a wisteria-clad country manor that’s all crenellations and coats-of-arms.
To anyone who thinks this doesn’t sound sufficiently 'millennial', given my generation’s newfound enthusiasm for tending indoor plants in our hovelish city flats, I’d say the magnificent gardens at Barnsley are a serious pull. Who needs meditation podcasts when you can sniff at perfumed oriental lilies and bound through pink and purple flushes of pansies and violets?
Then there is the spa, which I had almost to myself of a Saturday evening, complete with crackling fire pit and outdoor pool overlooking meadows, with water as hot as a freshly run bath.
Dinner also showcased the garden, from my eye-wateringly green asparagus with truffle, to duck breast with candy beetroot plucked from the veggie patch, and rhubarb and orange drizzle cake.
Still, by the time I had retired to my room (which had its own front garden frequented by robins and a conservatory backed by an indoor waterfall), panicky flashes of me conking out midway through the bike ride set in. In fact at half-time I was still pumping with energy.
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At this point we lunched: We sipped local cider and devoured Gloucester pork and football-sized Yorkshire puddings in the most upper-class of English pubs. Think retro deck chairs on the lawn, and Ralph-Lauren-shirted clientele ordering Bollinger with their beer-battered hake.
Inflated of belly and slightly sozzled of brain, we zoomed on down steep hills, and through Cotswold stone villages with red phone boxes and dusty windows (perhaps to stop tourists peering in). I was having such a brilliant time I was slightly disappointed to see the grey slate roofs of the five-star Calcot Manor, in the far distance. Sun-bronzed and saddle sore, we charged triumphantly through the meadow tracks of the hotel’s 220-acre grounds.
I would recommend wobbling straight over to the spa after the ride. But make sure you pre-book a treatment. I found the outdoor hot tub rammed (late on a Sunday afternoon). I opted for the Rose Restore massage, which left me smelling like a chapter out of the Secret Garden and very relaxed.
For a country house Calcot is funky. There are pineapple wall sconces and brushed-gold coffee tables. The dining room, with its loud flower prints and indoor trees, looks like Cath Kidston battling with a botanical garden. And lots of teal.
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The food has the slight edge on Barnsley, which was nice seeing as post-cycle I was hungry enough to eat a cow – and in fact I did: a beautiful tartare made with beef from Calcot village. I followed up with more red meat: blushing, brightly flavoured Wiltshire lamb with sprightly raisin and anchovy sauce.
It came to an end in the most fitting place: in the bath of my suite (furnished with a complimentary Calcot rubber duck). My cycling feat may not have been comparable
to the Tour de France, but the delicate snowflake in me still felt thoroughly deserving of my wild thyme muscle soak.
A two-night, half-board Lark Rise to Calcot package, with a night at Barnsley House followed by a stay at Calcot Manor, including guided cycle and pub lunch with Wild Carrot (wildcarrot.co.uk) costs from ￡873 based on two sharing. For full reviews of both hotels, see: telegraph.co.uk/tt-barnsleyhouse and telegraph.co.uk/tt-calcotmanor