How to Dress Like a Ted Cruz Border Jumper
Ted Cruz’s platform basically goes against everything I believe in: He opposes public abortion funding and believes companies can deny insuring birth control; wants to overturn the Supreme Court’s recent ruling on marriage equality; and doesn’t want to protect the environment. But we’re on the same page when it comes to fashion: A gray fit-and-flare dress and well-tailored suit work in any environment and for all occasions (even running through a dry, tumbleweed-filled desert).
In the politician’s new campaign ad, women wearing dresses and chunky heels and men in trousers, ties, and leather loafers attempt to cross a river in their best workwear. These actors, dressed for the boardroom, not the sandy abandon, are seen struggling through terrain. The video, titled “Invasion,” is supposed to drive across the Texas senator’s viewpoint that the nation needs increased border control and tighter immigration laws. “The politics of it would be very, very different if a bunch of lawyers or bankers were coming across the Rio Grande,” Cruz says in a stern voiceover. “Or if a bunch of people with journalism degrees were coming over and driving down the wages in the press. Then we would see stories about the economic calamity that is befalling our nation.”
But obviously the real takeaway of the sleek one-minute spot is that the 45-year-old has a really good sense of fashion (and a really high production budget — seriously, this is like Michael Bay-level work). Just look at that lady attempting to make it to Mexico in her pink blouse. That’s so Gucci! Or those black stilettos filled with river water. They’re totally Louboutin.
Want to get the “Ted Cruz lawyer/banker/journalist look”? Here’s how:
Start with the shoes. A chunky heel is best for escaping militia men, but everyone knows that sometimes you have to make sacrifices for good style. A killer pair of heels not only looks great, but the pointier ones can also double as a self-defense mechanism in case you’re caught by Border Patrol.
Ted Baker Black Pointed Leather Court Shoes, $185
Calvin Klein ‘Keller’ Ankle Strap Pump, 2 1/?2-in. heel, $90
MICHAEL Michael Kors Pauline Patent Mid-Heel Pump, $135
Jeffrey Campbell ‘Tulloch’ Cap Toe Pump, 1 3/?4-in. heel, $135
A gray dress is a staple in any working woman’s closet. It typically works in all environments, from meetings to interviews, and according to Ted Cruz, it seems to function for river crossing as well.
Mango Fluted Hem Dress, $37
Burberry Brit Elyssa Cashmere-Blend Polo Shirtdress, $318
Topshop Knot Front Mini Dress, $50
You’d think that sprinting across the U.S.-Mexico would require muted colors to blend in with the environment. But for Cruz, standing out is obviously the way to go. Better to be caught by unofficial patrollers, I guess?
Karl Lagerfeld Silk Blouse, $185
Gucci Ruffled Neck Silk Shirt, $1,190
Choies Hot Pink Short Sleeve Tie Front Blouse, $15
Chicwish Kiss Me Bow Top in Candy Pink, $42
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