A Work Husband Might Be Way Better Than The Real Thing—Here's Why
If you, like the rest of corporate America, spend most of your weekly hours at the office, you probably have developed some seriously strong friendships. But there's one in particular you may have acquired: a work husband.
In fact, more than 50 percent of women surveyed by Simply Hired said they had a colleague so near and dear to their heart, they labeled them a "work spouse." (Aww.)
But what exactly is a work husband, and can having one help you hit your professional (and personal) goals? Great Qs! All the answers, here:
What exactly is a work husband?
"Well, there's no Webster's guide," jokes WH advisor "Dr. Chloe" Carmichael, PhD, a psychologist in New York City and author of Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating. "But the term usually refers to a colleague of the opposite sex [if you're heterosexual], who's someone you can trust, who's got your back, and whom with you have a close relationship."
Tons of celebs become besties at work. You'd never guess these pairs!
But despite the long hours you might spend Slacking your work husband across the office-in addition to, you know, spending time in person by the coffee machine or at happy hour-there's usually nothing too suggestive, salacious, or romantic going on.
(That said, 10.5 percent of women surveyed did cop to having kissed their work honey, per Simply Hired-more on that later.)
What role does a work husband actually play?
More often than not, a work husband is someone you can and do confide in about everything from how you felt about your boss's presentation last Wednesday to elements of your life outside of work, thereby taking on the important role of confidant, explains Chad McBride, PhD, a psychologist at Creighton University who studies relationships between work spouses.
"This person is your number one ally and advisor at work-the person you can laugh with or be stressed out with, have politically incorrect conversations with, and give honest opinions to," psychologist Linda Young, PhD, previously told Women's Health.
If you're starting to think that a work husband sounds a lot like a real husband (or wife), you're not wrong. "Like a real spouse, a work spouse supports you and helps you with work, but they also challenge you when you need to be challenged and call you out when you need to be," McBride says.
All of this is in an effort to help you and make you not just a better employee, but also a better person all around.
So, is having a work husband a good thing?
Research says a resounding yes.
Both Simply Hired's survey and McBride's own study confirm the importance of having someone at the office whom you trust enough to blow off steam. Having that outlet is essential to maintaining a healthy emotional life and work-life balance, McBride says.
What's more, unlike your actual romantic partner, a work husband already knows the office dynamics and day-to-day you deal with, which can help you better process issues in the workplace. The benefit? You'll likely feel less of a need to worry-and vent-about work after hours, which can help your mental health and your relationship, McBride says.
Plus, feeling extra supported at the office can help you crush your job. Research published in the Harvard Business Review (HBR) shows that having friends, particularly a best friend, at work improves your performance-so you can thank your work husband for your next promotion (jk).
Are there any downsides to having a work husband?
Glad you asked, because yes. The same HBR study found that close office friendships can actually have a detrimental effect on your productivity-if their chats become emotionally exhaustive.
For example, if your work husband or work wife goes on and on about the same issue all the time, or complains about a colleague with whom you have a positive relationship, you could feel mentally drained to a point that your work suffers. Obviously, that's no bueno.
What if my partner feels insecure about my work husband?
The struggle is real-particularly if your partner is the type who likes to try to solve your problems (ahem, men).
"When talking to your partner, it might be a good idea to use a different term, like a 'work wingman,' that conveys the same thing but doesn’t touch on anything even faux or playfully romantic," Dr. Chloe says. Giving even a platonic friend a semi-romantic-sounding designation could potentially pose problems for your relationship, she explains.
To combat any jealousy from your S.O., be open with them about your work husband and what you both discuss (no secrets, never!). It could be helpful to arrange an event of sorts to let the two meet in person, adds Dr. Chloe. People generally feel more comfortable when they can put a face to a name.
If your partner still expresses concern or acts weird when your work hubs comes up, first think about how you would feel if they had an office spouse of their own, recommends Dr. Chloe.
Thank your partner for being open with you instead of rushing to defend yourself. You want to validate their concerns even if you don't agree with them, so ask what you can do to make them more comfortable.
And consider this: Frequently what brings colleagues so close together is working in tandem on projects.
So "talk to your partner about working on a project together, such as cooking a new recipe each week for six months," suggests Dr. Chloe. That will remind them that work husband or not, there are special things you save for your actual relationship.
If your partner still feels iffy about the whole sitch, or gets in the way of your being able to do your job, you may want to think about talking through the problem with a professional.
Cool. But what if things start to "heat up" with my work husband?
As workplace comedies make abundantly clear: Romance between work spouses can and do happen. (In fact, 58 percent of employees have had a workplace love, per a 2019 survey from Vault.) But whether or not that's a good thing really depends on your situation.
For all the single ladies out there who start to like-like their work spouse, you definitely don't want to rush into anything. Especially if one of you is in a higher-ranking position, you should know your company's fraternization policy. You may need to run it by HR, your supervisor, or another manager before proceeding.
"Do not jeopardize your job with something that could be avoided by talking to the right people," McBride says (and I cosign). Rumors start and things leak through the grapevine-so get ahead of the issue before it can actually be an issue.
Now, if your work husband expresses interest that isn't reciprocated, Dr. Chloe says it's best to proceed with compassion and honesty, so that they can move on emotionally and your friendship can (hopefully) go back to normal.
At the end of the day, you want a work husband who makes all those hours at the office that much more enjoyable. Whether that stops at sharing laughs and cries-or expands to sharing your heart and soul-is up to you.
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