I make New Year's resolutions with my 4 kids. Why don't more families?

Growing up, we always made resolutions — writing them down on slips of paper at big family parties, looking back over them the following year. Those resolutions of the ’80s and ’90s looked just like one would expect: a huge helping of diet culture and weight-loss goals, hopes for financial success and a nice sprinkling of travel dreams.

While my own family today is more likely to ring in the new year quietly at home than at a giant party, we’ve still made a point to write down resolutions with our four kids. As parents, though, we are cognizant of the fact that our kids are watching our every move and learning about what matters through our actions. Because of that, we’ve been careful to avoid resolutions about weight loss or changing our bodies. I am also careful in the way we talk about financial success or the emphasis we place on money or “things.” Saving for a new car is a perfectly responsible task, but it’s not something I am likely to list as a resolution when sitting down with my kids. Instead, we focus on things that are a bit less tangible — being a good friend, learning about something new or improving skills for a beloved hobby. We find when the adults lead, the kids will follow.

By and large, the most popular resolutions are the same as when I was a kid — according to Statista, financial and health/weight resolutions are still the most popular. Overall, though, more and more Americans are rethinking resolutions altogether. A survey by OnePol found that 66% of millennials are “over” the traditional resolution. When I asked my friends (who are mostly millennial parents, like me), this held up. One of my closest friends, Erin, doesn't make any resolutions at all. “I think if there are things you want to change or do better at, you have 365 days in every year to decide to do it, not just January 1st,” she told me — noting that 2024 actually has 366 days to work on those goals. “Plus I never, ever stick to something big. Small, targeted change works for me.”

That actually made a lot of sense to me. Any time I commit to a huge sweeping goal, I find myself quickly snowed under. Is that why the same OnePoll survey found that just over half of Americans give up on their resolutions by March? Is it just too much?

My friend Brianna said rather than look forward, her family focuses on the rearview mirror. “I prefer annual reflections and then goals for the next year,” she told me. Her three girls are close in age to my own four kids, and we talk often about the best way to set them up to be happy and well-adjusted adults. “I think it also depends on the kids. My kids are a bit too literal and sometimes hard on themselves," she shared. I have a child like this, too. They are harder on themselves than any adult in their life, and I think looking back on the amazing things they’ve accomplished this year will be more edifying than setting big, yearlong goals.

Two of my friends from high school, who are now married with three amazing kids, have a tradition that I may borrow for 2024. Allison and Jeremy have their kids write letters to one another at the close of each year. “We each pick a name and write that person a letter talking about memories or funny moments from the previous year, things we’re proud of them for accomplishing.” The family then outlines some wishes for their chosen family member for the coming year. The family exchanges the letters on New Year’s Eve. “It’s a way to reflect on the past year and set a positive tone for the new one without the stress of resolutions,” says Allison.

One common theme in all of these traditions, it seems to me, is that the transition into a new calendar year is momentous and calls for some type of reflection — be that in the form of a resolution or intention, or another thoughtful tradition. Finding traditions that work for our kids and our families is one of our most important jobs as parents. The method may be changing for today’s families, but the importance of making another trip around the sun still matters to most parents.

The birth of a new year has always felt significant to me. As I get older and find my tired body struggling to stay awake for that ball drop, I set an alarm for 11:50 p.m. While I won’t start 2024 with a list of lofty goals or a new gym membership, I always want to see the old year slip away and welcome in the new — whatever it may bring.