I'm Just Going To Say It: The Movie 'Home Alone' Makes Zero Sense
Ahh, Home Alone. It's such a classic Christmas film because it's funny, super Christmasy, and also incredibly unrealistic. The beloved movie is a must-watch every holiday season, but there are also a lot of elements in the film that are somewhat questionable when you give them a second thought. Here are some of the reasons why Kevin McCallister's Christmas journey is completely preposterous.
1. Kevin's family must have been insanely rich. What did Kevin’s father do for work? How were they able to afford this crazy Chicago house that was apparently only 17 minutes down the road from Michael Jordan's?
However, one thing that's incorrect about this meme is that Kevin's father actually didn't pay for the Paris tickets. So maybe Kevin just has a rich uncle.
2. The burglars could have just robbed Michael Jordan. If the burglars in the film had scouted out the area so well before choosing which home to rob, why would they target the McCallister house when they could have just aimed for Michael Jordan's? No matter how rich Kevin is, he's no Jordan.
3. That time Kevin's family "disappeared." After Kevin's family leaves without him the following morning and he realizes his parents have “disappeared,” shouldn’t he be a little bit worried? Instead he's running around the house, eating popcorn in bed, ordering mass amounts of pizza, and making crazy ice cream sundaes all while watching 1940s gangster movies. Yep, not worried at all.
4. Kevin's parents have their priorities all wrong. Kevin’s parents are lounging in first class on the plane, while the rest of the family sits in coach. If they were actually responsible parents, wouldn’t they have done a head count or something to make sure everyone in their massive family got on the plane?
5. The police do basically nothing to help.
When the parents do realize they’ve left Kevin while at baggage claim and they go to the police for help, they police are incredibly unhelpful. They send one cop over to the McCallister residence to ring the doorbell and that’s it. But when Kevin steals a toothbrush from the convenience store back in Chicago, they are on top of it. They literally chase him down the street.
6. Kevin's taste in movies is totally inappropriate.
Because it's totally normal for all 8-year-old kids to love noir films about two guys named Johnny and Snakes, right? I mean, it's great experience for when you don't have cash to leave for the pizza guy, so you scare him with fake gunshots from the movie, but how else are these films good for kids? Shouldn't he be watching, like, The Mickey Mouse Club? Again, Kevin's parents are pretty bad at this whole parenting thing.
(Also, if the pizza guy had heard gunshots at a home like that, wouldn't he have reported that to the police?)
7. How long was actually Kevin operating those cutouts?
Kevin, being the super-clever kid that he is, creates a brilliant plan to make his house appear to be full of people having a casual Christmas party so the bandits don't come in. Genius plan, right? Sure, but wait: Was Kevin operating the cutouts literally all night long? What if the bandits drove by and they were't moving? When did he start and stop? That's a lot of energy, even for an 8-year-old kid.
8. Kevin is way too good at planning battles.
Kevin manages to hit the nail on the head every single time when it comes to creating super-intricate plots to beat the Wet Bandits. Such precision for an 8-year-old who hasn't even entered middle school yet. In one plot, the ornaments on the floor only work because Marv happens to be barefoot after losing his shoes on Kevin's tar stairs.
9. How are bandits even alive after everything Kevin puts them through? After everything the bandits suffer in both Home Alone movies ... they should be dead, right?
10. Why didn't Kevin just call the cops from the start? If Kevin is so clever, creating all these elaborate plans to catch the bad guys, why didn't he just call the cops and tell them what the bandits were up to?
11. If Kevin had a cell phone, this movie wouldn't even exist.
But even with all the craziness and nonsensical stuff that occurs in the film, Home Alone still reminds you that Christmas is truly about being surrounded by loved ones. While taking a breather from a big family sounds ideal, the holidays just aren't the same without family. So when all is said and done, is Kevin McCallister a classic film character? Yes. And is Home Alone still a great movie? Yes. Yes, it is.
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