Inspired to 'do a Meghan Markle' and give a bride's speech? Here are the dos and don'ts

A few years ago I attended the wedding of a friend whose bride performed improvised comedy in her spare time. Her speech at the reception was little short of a five-star revue, including her own version of We Will Rock You containing lyrics about her new husband. She even handed out cardboard masks of his face for every guest to wave as they sang along. It was superb, and she carried the whole room with her.

Needless to say not every bride will be willing to attempt, or able to carry off, so ambitious a routine if they do stand up and speak at their wedding. And nor should they, stresses Carole Spiers, a North London-based public speaker coach. “Leave comedy to the comedians,” she says firmly.

Whether Meghan Markle will heed this advice when she gives an address at her wedding to Prince Harry remains to be seen. The bride-to-be is expected to give a speech at the May 19 nuptials and, according to reports, may even dare crack the odd joke.

Such a break with Royal tradition may be unprecedented but will not be out of step with today’s wedding trends. Where once the guests at a wedding reception would hear only from a line-up of men - the father-of-the-bride, the groom and the best man, usually - the billing at a modern celebration is quite often mixed-sex. Whether it’s a maid of honour giving a “best woman” speech, or the bride herself delivering a few choice words, women are finally getting to say something other than “I do.”

But as with any wedding speech, there’s an art to delivering a bridal address. Here are the dos and don’ts:

DO tailor your speech to your audience

“What’s funny for one audience may not be funny for another,” warns Spiers. “There may be a mixture of cultures among your guests, so [ comedy] is risky. The bride has enough to worry about without worrying ‘is that joke going to be funny or not?’”

DON’T make lengthy in-jokes

We’ve all sat through references in wedding speeches we didn’t understand while a titter went up from one particular table, usually containing the groom’s best friends. Something outrageous that happened on the stag do is commonly the source of such mirth. The rest of us may be left looking blank, but including an in-joke is ok just as long as it doesn’t go on for too long, says Spiers.

DO think about people you want to mention

The groom is an obvious one. Most advice to brides making speeches recommends telling the guests something gushy and tear-jerking about the groom and your love for him. Spiers says: “Some brides want to make their speech sentimental, some want to make it more humorous,” she says. “It depends on who they are and who their audience is.”

DON’T drink too much beforehand

A glass of champagne is fine. Four or five and you’ll end up tripping over your dress and fluffing all your lines in front of everyone important in your life. If you want to get stuck into the booze, best to wait until after the speech.

DO be sincere

Your wedding speech is not the time to try out a brand new persona. “The most important thing is to be authentic and be who you are,” says Spiers. “It doesn’t matter if you’re not the best speaker in the world, because when you’re standing up there everyone will be on your side.”

DON’T forget to practise

“It all comes down to practise, practise, practise,” says Spiers, who advises brides to memorise their opening lines. “Then the room will be with you and you’ll gradually get over your nerves.” It’s also a good idea to make sure you know beforehand where you’ll be standing when you give the speech and what kind of microphone you’ll be using, she says. The fewer surprises you have to deal with on the day, the better.

DO try and make a good impression on your new in-laws

You’ve just married into a new family. Do try and leave them with the feeling that their son has made a good choice. You’ve got to rub along with these people for the rest of your life, after all, so best to get things off to a good start.

DON’T forget to smile

And don’t speak too quickly. “Engage with your audience,” says Spiers. “Your audience is really with you. They want you to succeed.” The length of the speech is less important than the quality, though if you’re still talking half an hour after you stood up, it may be time to wrap things up before your audience starts to drift off. A five to eight-minute burst of entertaining and heartwarming words is probably optimal.

carolespiers.co.uk