The Internet Is Sharing Stories of Being 'Zombied' After a Video on the Dating Trend Went Viral—Has It Happened to You?
Whether you’re actively dating right now or kind of just dabbling in it, you probably already know how frustrating it can be. With dating apps being the main point of contact in dating, it can sometimes seem impossible to make a genuine connection. In such a digital world, it can be all too easy for the guy or girl you’ve been seeing to just vanish from the face of the earth. Ghosting is all too common in today’s dating landscape, unfortunately. And with dating trends like ghosting, breadcrumbing, winter-coating and being "haunted," it can seem like a never-ending cycle of game-playing. But have you ever been “zombied”?
Maybe you go on a date with someone, you really like them and feel like they’re interested in you too. However, one day they just stop texting you and you can’t get ahold of them at all. But did they ever come back into your life? Did they try to strike up a conversation again as if they didn’t just ignore you for a good week or more? If so, you might have been zombied without even realizing it. Here’s what you need to know about being zombied while dating and how it differs from ghosting (and how to deal with it).
Related: 5 Online and Modern Dating Tips
What does it mean to be 'zombied'?
Okay, obviously, the zombied dating trend doesn’t involve the dead, real zombies, or anything supernatural (although having to deal with an ex is kind of like a horror movie). Singer-songwriter and avid TikToker, Mariel Darling, recently made a TikTok describing how her dating life is going, and it’s not so hot.
“Girl, you’re being ghosted? I’m out here being zombied,” she said in her eight-second video. "It’s like ghosting, but he comes back from the dead after a couple of months and hits you up."
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Basically, zombied is when you haven’t blocked that hot ex or person you were dating, but they haven’t responded to any of your messages and just disappeared. And then, out of nowhere, they text you. Maybe it’s a, “Hey! I’ve been thinking about you a lot recently, want to hang?” or maybe, “You know what, things got so crazy at work, can I come over soon?”
And with how popular this TikTok is, it’s not a surprise that so many people have had the same experience. The top comment even notes that they all seem to “come back from the dead” at the same time too. “Have you ever noticed that they all zombie you at the same time?” they wrote. “Like why are four guys from my past all hitting me up on the same day???” Even the official Ghostbusters account commented, writing, “Hmm…don’t know if our proton packs can handle a [zombie emoji].”
Darling made a second video saying that dating in New York City is like the zombie apocalypse and the Michael Jackson “Thriller” video all in one, “because all these boys be tap dancing around commitment.”
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Did ‘zombied’ come from TikTok?
While Darling went viral for saying zombied is the new ghosting in dating trends, she actually isn’t the first one to call this “zombied” or even make up the word.
An Urban Dictionary post from 2018 actually fits this definition exactly, saying, “When someone you dated, had a one night stand with, or was a fwb [friend-with-benefits] that ghosted you and comes back later.” There are several other entries from 2008 and 2009 that have completely different meanings, but this one fits the bill. Plus, it's a trend Psychology Today talked about in 2020 too.
Related: 250 First Date Questions To Get the Conversation Going—And Keep It Going!
What is the difference between being ‘zombied,’ ‘ghosted,’ and ‘haunted’ in dating?
Again, all of these dating trends that reference the supernatural or dead things from horror movies can be tricky (and terrifying) to figure out. There’s zombied, ghosting, and being haunted, but what the heck does it all mean? Let’s break it down.
Zombied
Okay, again, being zombied is when someone you were dating totally ignores you and your messages, but then “comes back from the dead” to message you sometime later.
Ghosted
What does it mean to be ghosted? As already stated, it’s the thing that happens before you’re zombied: someone you were dating just stops responding to you. Now, ghosting is something that can definitely happen anywhere in any situation and it doesn’t just have to pertain to dating. You can be ghosted from a job during the application process. You can be ghosted when you’re trying to buy something off Facebook Marketplace. Heck, you might even get ghosted while trying to apply for apartments. Basically, ghosting can happen a lot in the digital age. Spooky.
Haunted
Lastly, there’s the “haunted” dating trend. Psychology Today basically described it as ghosting but with a twist. It’s when someone ghosts you directly but is “haunting” you indirectly in the background. Maybe they’re always viewing your Instagram stories (and maybe they’re even always one of the first to see it). Maybe they’re liking your tweets or posts. They’re doing something to make their presence known to you without actually talking or interacting with you, but then they disappear again. It becomes a cycle that may or may not be toxic by intent, but it’s definitely scary and unwelcome all the same.
Related: How to Start a Conversation on Tinder: 150 Best Ways
Why is zombie-ing even a thing people do?
While we can blame exes coming back into our lives to wreak havoc or mope about how much they miss us on things like Mercury Retrograde, it’s never an excuse (although it is a bit freaky how that happens a ton during those times of the year). And maybe it does happen more often at certain times, like one TikTok commenter mentioned above.
But, when it comes to someone ghosting, haunting or zombie-ing you, it all has to do with them and not you. First off, stating the obvious: it’s really too easy to ghost today. Whether it’s a friend, a former lover or a job, because there is just so much information and communication coming in and out of our inboxes and messages daily, it can be hard to respond to everything, especially something that isn’t a priority for us.
Now, when it comes to someone you were dating, even just casually, it’s polite to be honest with them if you no longer want to see them. However, if it slips your mind or it’s just easier for you to ignore them, that’s where ghosting becomes oh-so-tempting. Because, let’s face it, even a nice “breaking off things” text is a confrontation of some sort, especially because you don’t know how the other person will react. This makes ghosting so easy, but just because something is the easier thing to do doesn’t make it the right thing to do.
However, zombie-ing someone is a bit more… opportunistic (at the very least) and sadistic (at its worst). As some people were commenting, odds are this person probably meant to just ghost you because they found someone else they wanted to spend time with and when they found out that person actually wasn’t better than you, they zombie you. There are probably more innocent reasons (and again more nefarious reasons), but still, being zombied is not fun or okay.
What should you do if you’ve been zombied?
As you can tell by the tone of Darling’s TikToks and the commenters—and maybe your own feelings if this has happened to you—being zombied is not fun nor does it feel good. It can definitely be exciting if someone you really liked ghosted you, and now they’re texting you again. But you have to think about why that is.
For one, do you want to give someone the time of day who couldn’t even send you a, “Sorry I’m busy right now, can we take a break” text or an “I have a lot of projects on my plate, can I get back to you in a few days when that dies down?” message? Even if they accidentally ghosted, this should be a point of conversation if you choose to interact with the zombie.
But, as the commenters noted, there is a possibility that they went to pursue someone else and now are crawling back because their first choice wasn’t great or maybe even ghosted them. You don’t deserve to be someone’s second choice, so keep that in mind as well.
Whatever you choose to do with your new zombie, having open and honest communication about how this makes you feel and asking why they did it is a must. Then it’s up to you if you believe whatever the zombie tells you. If you decide to take back this undead person, just beware that the zombie in them might not be fully dead and gone.
If you do decide to give them another chance, here are 40 relationship red flags to look out for (just in case).