'I've Been Into Self-Improvement for Over 15 Years and This Is the #1 Thing That's Transformed My Growth Journey the Most'
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These days, "personal growth" has become a buzzy phrase. But for some, it's less of a trend to dip their toes into and more of a lifelong mission. For Brianna Wiest, bestselling author of The Mountain Is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage Into Self-Mastery and The Pivot Year: 365 Days to Become the Person You Truly Want to Be, self-improvement has been something she's been passionate about for over 15 years.
"To me, personal growth, when done well, makes us more human than we were before," Wiest tells Parade. "It means that your goal is not to arrive at a place where everything is perfect, or seems perfect, but to arrive at a place where you are better able to respond to what is imperfect."
A journey of growth and self-discovery to make yourself a "safe haven," as Wiest says, is beautiful and rewarding—but that doesn't make it easy.
"It's understanding the concept of the butterfly effect," Wiest continues. "That we all want to change what is outside of us and around us, but how many of us are actually willing to do the quieter, harder and most honest work of changing our own selves?"
Fortunately, there are plenty of tips that Wiest has picked up along the way as she's been interested in personal development for almost half her life—including one that has made the biggest impact.
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Through all of the research and reading that Wiest has done over the years, there is one thing that's transformed her growth journey the most: practicing the "pause."
"This means just elongating the time between when you have a charged thought or emotion, and when you react to it," Wiest explains. "That window of time is the place where real change can occur. It's giving yourself a chance to choose."
With pausing being such an integral part of her own self-improvement, it's no wonder that Wiest's latest book highlights daily meditations to help readers sit back and think differently about struggles, healing, change and inner strength.
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Continue reading for more insight from Brianna Wiest, including why she thinks change is so intimidating for many of us...
Throughout the last 15 years, were there a few standouts of favorite self-improvement books that you've read?
I would have to say The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. I recommend that book to everyone. His overall concept is that we have an unconscious tolerance for feeling good. When we surpass it, we unknowingly self-sabotage back to baseline. We have to actively, and consciously, work to raise our upper limit to release ourselves from old patterns, cycles and so on. I cited him in my own book, The Mountain Is You.
The other book I recommend to everyone is Tiny, Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed. It's a collection of advice columns from The Rumpus. I love that book, and her. It taught me to think more like the most compassionate, grounded, empathetic person I always hoped to be.
How do you think you've changed the most since starting your journey of growth and self-discovery?
I am more trusting of life, my intuition and myself. I follow my heart. I try to communicate, especially when something is hurting or bothering me. I feel lighter, overall. I think life is a lot more fun now.
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Why do you think change is so intimidating and scary to some of us?
Anything new, no matter how good, is uncomfortable until it is also familiar. We grow to crave and desire what it is we are most used to. The things we fear are often just the things we do not know enough, or anything, about.
Change is scary because we operate with the idea that the floor will only remain beneath us if we are still. The reality is that it rises to meet us wherever we go—even despite our deepest disbelief, life is fluid and responsive and we can work with it. You once had no idea how you'd find, or land, the job you have now. Or the partner. Think of the many, many things you thought you'd never get through. You did, and you did, and you did.
What was your biggest goal for The Pivot Year?
My goal was for it to be a way for people to have a moment of deep self-reflection throughout their day that did not require a ton of time or commitment. Sometimes, you just don't have the bandwidth to sit down and read an entire book cover-to-cover, even if you do very much want to open your mind and heart to new ways of thinking, processing, or possibilities that may be dormant within your life.
My hope is that those daily meditations will really become more like poetic exercises that give you something to think about, something to fill your mind with. I hope that the more you do, the more you will see beautiful things you hadn't before.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.