Jennifer Coolidge Wins the Golden Globes (and a Golden Globe)

At the Golden Globes this evening, White Lotus actress and fan-favorite Jennifer Coolidge presented the award for Best Supporting Actor in a TV Series/Musical Comedy (which Abbott Elementary's Tyler James Williams won).

Normally, a presenter's remarks aren't very, well, remarkable, but tonight, Coolidge spoke for well over a minute, charming the audience with the long, winding story of executive Cara Bishop calling her to ask if she would present at the ceremony.

"I said, 'Oh my God, that is such as honor. Yes, yes, I would love to,' and I hung up on her," Coolidge recalled. "And then I thought about it for a little bit and just had a complete anxiety attack."

In an episode of extraordinarily relatable overthinking, the actress envisioned several scenarios in which she ruined the ceremony, including slipping on the stage's waxed floors, finding herself unable to keep up with the teleprompter, not being able to find an executive in the audience tasked with holding up cue cards, and, most memorably, mispronouncing stars' names.

"Once I say someone's name the wrong way," she insisted, "I'm screwed." To demonstrate, she told of a dinner party during which she was sitting beside Bill Nighy, whose name she mispronounced as something resembling Bill "Nye," and Kaley Cuoco, whom she called Kaley "Cocococo".

The speech was punctuated by shots of the crowd laughing at Coolidge's genius comedic delivery and timing, peaking when Coolidge finished her performance by joking, "And the Oscar goes to..."

But! Coolidge's night wasn't over yet!

The actress took home the Globe for Best Supporting Actress in a Limited Series for her role in White Lotus and delivered a second iconic monologue to accept the award. "You make people want to live longer, and I didn't," she said to the show's director, Mike White, thanking him because now, she says, her neighbors want to talk to her.

"This was a fun night," Coolidge told the crowd as she wrapped up her speech.

Officially nominating Jennifer Coolidge to present and accept every award at every awards show going forward.