Jennifer Garner's "Yes Day" Is a Big "Hell No"
A couple of weeks ago, Jennifer Garner posted a selfie taken in the aftermath of something she calls "Yes Day," an annual tradition she's carried out with her three kids - Violet, 11, Seraphina, 8, and Samuel, 5 - for the past five years. Garner, looking exhausted, captioned the Instagram pic, "You'll never need coffee more than the day after 'Yes Day.'"
Confused? Don't worry, I hadn't heard of it either. Based on Amy Krouse Rosenthal's 2009 book of the same name, "Yes Day" is exactly what it sounds like: a day when the answer to every single one of your child's requests must be "yes." Garner's post racked up 40,000 likes and hundreds of supportive comments, indicating that many moms seem ready to follow her lead.
I am not and will never be one of them. I hate what "Yes Day" represents. It's just another excuse to spoil children who already have way too much. My four kids technically belong to two separate generations, just as Garner's do - Generation Z (kids born in the mid-'90s) and their successors, Generation Alpha (kids born after 2010). Like the Millennials before them, these digital natives are already being called out for their privilege and self-indulgence.
But someone is to blame for making them that way. If I allow my kids to participate in things like "Yes Day," I'm the one encouraging them to be entitled jerks. I become part of the problem.
"Yes Day" goes against my fundamental responsibility as a parent. I'm not supposed to give into my kids' every wishes - my job is to raise decent human beings, not to introduce more assholes to the world. I say no to my kids all the time, which is not to say that I never say yes. I often do, but on my terms. I have never given my kids free rein when it comes to anything.
Despite what the comments on Garner's post would have me believe, it turns out I'm not alone. I polled my Facebook friends about "Yes Day," asking them if they'd ever consider having one for their kids. The responses, mostly overwhelming and resounding "Nos," also included "Not in a million years" and "Hell no to the 'Yes.'" One mom was certain that the person who wrote the book couldn't possibly be a parent.
There were a few exceptions. One young mom, a librarian familiar with the book, believed all she really needed to pull off a successful "Yes Day" were a few ground rules (for example, maybe don't entertain any requests that involve lots of money and/or illegal activity). While I suppose this makes it more plausible, it does not make it more attractive.
You know something is a truly terrible idea when even your 12-year-old disapproves. ("Geez," he said when I told him about it. "That would be a nightmare.") He's absolutely right. But it's not just the day itself that's problematic. What happens the next day, and the day after that? Do kids expect to continue to hear "yes"? Are they disgruntled when they don't get what they want? I can't help but imagine the kid hangover from hell.
And what happens when one kid brags about "Yes Day" to his friends at school? Will the tradition spread faster than head lice? The answer is yes. It will. It has.
Parents, if you're one of the unlucky ones whose child finds out about "Yes Day," whatever you do, do not give in. Kids need boundaries, and saying "no" isn't just part of the job description - it's our moral obligation in the fight against greed, selfishness, and entitlement. Say no to saying yes - your kids will be better off for it.
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