Lindsay Ell opens up about eating disorder diagnosis: ‘I have been living in denial’
Lindsay Ell is ready to talk about her eating disorder.
The diagnosis is still new to the 33-year-old country singer, who took to her Instagram to share that she had been diagnosed with an eating disorder just a few weeks ago. "It's something I have been living in denial of for the better part of 20 years," she wrote in her post's caption.
Ell had actually shared her life update during an appearance on Kaitlyn Bristowe's Off The Vine podcast on Thursday as she opened up about mental health and hitting what the musician called "a whole new kind of rock bottom." The hopeless place she found herself in led her to get help.
"I was finally like I can’t fight this alone, I can't do this by myself," she told Bristowe. "Food became this thing that was like a drug, which I was abusing it and not eating and eating and it was just like this relationship that was no longer a healthy thing."
Ell said that she had already felt better just by recognizing that she has a problem. "I've been letting this thing have so much power and take so much energy from my life," she said, noting that her perception of what an eating disorder would look like kept her in denial. "I think that in our brains we have a vision of like someone who's anorexic for an example should be 90 pounds, skin and bones, whatever."
In her Monday Instagram post, she shared that it's been an internal struggle that onlookers haven't been able to see.
"I no longer had control over what I ate or didn't eat in the shadows. I got really good at pretending that everything was OK out in public but at home I was shriveling up," she wrote. "I know that eating disorders are flags to the need for deeper work."
Ell explained that she felt compelled to share with her audience after opening up about it on the podcast. And although she has "no idea" what her recovery journey will look like, she also hopes to keep people clued in.
"I'm telling you all this because I know that it is the stories I hear that inspire me to be a better person. I hope in sharing this and my journey as I go along it, will inspire you to be honest with yourself - with what you’re feeling and what you're going through. Regardless of what that may be," she wrote. "Sometimes it's so easy to take care of everyone else but yourself. Hopefully you won't need to live 20 years feeling something that you never deal with."
Friends and fans of the singer took to the comment section to offer their love and support, including Bristowe who wrote, "I love you, your honesty, and your heart so much. I'm always here for you as I have struggled too."
Fellow country music star Maren Morris added, "Can't imagine how difficult this was to share with the world but you are helping people by doing so. So proud of your journey!"
If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, call the National Eating Disorders Association hotline at 1-800-931-2237.
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