Give Your Marriage Some Expert Advice With These Must-Read Books
Give Your Marriage Some Expert Advice With These Must-Read Books
Let’s be frank: If there’s one steadfast truth that most married couples can agree on, it’s that marriage isn’t always easy. Whether you're newlyweds or many anniversaries in (congrats!), every marriage can benefit from some outside expert advice from time to time. You've heard of couple's therapy, but don't sleep on couple's books. The best marriage books provide actionable advice, practical tips, and a framework to view your relationship through. And that comes in handy when your marriage is struggling—or simply in need of some strengthening.
Once the newlywed phase wanes and reality sets in, no matter how well you know your spouse or how long you’ve been together, you may suddenly find yourself wondering, “Who is this person, and why are they getting on my last nerve?!” But, the good news is that’s totally normal. You can’t share your entire life with someone and not be annoyed with them at one point or another. The key to ensuring that your marriage doesn’t crumble at the first sign of trouble is understanding where your partner is coming from. And if you don’t quite have the tools or know-how to do that, get to the library or your local bookstore ASAP.
Reading up on what the experts say about marriage can make you feel less alone when your relationship hits rocky waters. You’ll remember that whatever you’re going through is probably more universal than you realize. And if your marriage needs guidance, but you’re not sure working with a licensed therapist is something you want to do at this stage, a helpful marriage book may be the right place to start. For a bonding activity, read these books together and debrief afterward to share what you’ve learned, kind of like your own personal marriage self-help book club.
1) <i>The 5 Love Languages</i> by Gary Chapman
Northfield Publishing
amazon.com
$7.57
You may already be familiar with the five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. But do you know how they gained such widespread popularity? This book is what started the love languages phenomenon, and it dives deep into the ways in which we show and receive love.
2) <i>The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages</i> by Marcus Warner and Chris Coursey
Northfield Publishing
amazon.com
$11.99
Have you heard of the "joy gap"? It's the length of time between moments of joy, and if it gets too big, especially in a marriage, that can cause problems. But how, exactly, can couples be more intentional about practicing joy? For starters, read this book! Each chapter includes 15-minute exercises that boost joy and help your brain make joy something you start to seek regularly, rather than on rare occasions.
3) <i>The All-or-Nothing Marriage</i> by Eli J. Finkel
Dutton
amazon.com
$18.00
If you're curious about the evolution of marriage as an institution itself, this book is for you. Psychologist and researcher Eli Finkel argues that the best marriages today are better than the best marriages of earlier eras. He weaves in original research on the science of relationships, and in the end, his perspective on marriage is hopeful and optimistic.
4) <i>The Year of Magical Thinking</i> by Joan Didion
Vintage
amazon.com
$12.49
While not your typical marriage self-help book, Joan Didion's memoir recounts the devastating loss of her husband and how she struggled to come to terms with her 40-year marriage suddenly ending. It's a gripping personal story that anyone who has ever lost a spouse or loved one should read. Didion's candor and frank prose illuminate the depths of grief and offer glimpses of a hopeful path forward.
5) <i>To Have and to Hold</i> by Molly Millwood, Ph.D.
Harper Wave
amazon.com
$23.99
There's (sadly) no step-by-step guide on the best way to juggle marriage and motherhood, but this book comes pretty close. In To Have and to Hold, clinical psychologist Molly Millwood explores the complicated reality of new motherhood and how it, in turn, affects marriage. This blend of personal narrative, scientific research, and stories from the author's clinical practice is a resonant and relevant read.
6) <i>Come as You Are</i> by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D.
Simon & Schuster
amazon.com
$22.12
Could your sex life use a jumpstart? Or maybe it's in need of a total transformation? Whatever the case, Emily Nagoski's book is essential reading, expertly articulating why and how women's sexuality works. Synthesizing research and data, this book breaks down the science of sex (and why some couples stop having it) while still being an easy, digestible read.
7) <i>The 80/80 Marriage</i> by Nate Kemp, Ph.D. and Kaley Klemp
Penguin Life
amazon.com
$21.94
If you're into systems and processes, and you're looking for a more straightforward way to approach marriage, consider the 80/80 model. Developed by a married couple, they argue that each partner should contribute 80 percent to build the strongest possible relationship. So what does that 8o percent look like for you? Guess you'll have to read to find out!
8) <i>Happy Wives Club</i> by Fawn Weaver
Thomas Nelson
amazon.com
$11.19
Want to travel the world and find out what a successful marriage looks like in different countries? Well, now you don't have to, because Fawn Weaver did the jet setting for you, going from Cape Town to London, Manila to Buenos Aires, Winnipeg to Zagreb. When all was said and done, she landed on one singular truth that can help you through the highs and lows of your own marriage.
9) <i>Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away</i> by Gary Chapman
Northfield Publishing
amazon.com
$11.45
The author of The Five Love Languages is back with another marriage book heavy hitter. This time, Chapman aims to speak to those who feel stuck in difficult—and even miserable—marriages. He walks through specific situations, providing advice on how to approach your spouse in a loving but direct way.
10) <i>A Year of Us</i> by Alicia Munoz, LPC
Zephyros Press
amazon.com
$10.03
The couple who journals together is sure to discover something new about the other person, and that's always fun, right? Here, counselor Alicia Mu?oz has produced a collection of enjoyable prompts that will encourage bonding with your spouse. Filling it out each day only takes a couple minutes, but over time, it can become a habit that brings you even closer together.
11) <i>The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work</i> by John M. Gottman, Ph.D. and Nan Silver
Harmony
amazon.com
$7.13
With an average 4.5-star rating on Amazon (out of nearly 9,000 reviews), this popular guide stems from the authors' long-term research of married couples, observing the habits that kept them together or kept them apart. The researchers then developed these seven specific principles that guide couples on a path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. There are helpful strategies and resources to navigate just about any issue, including sex, money, religion, work, and family.
12) <i>Choosing Marriage</i> by Debra Fileta, M.A., LPC
Harvest House Publishers
amazon.com
$14.99
When the expectations of marriage don't match up to the reality, it's disappointing. It's frustrating. And you might consider walking away. How do you know when to actively choose marriage? In this book, licensed counselor Debra Fileta, walks through eight significant choices involved in taking a marriage from hard to great.
13) <i>Married Roommates</i> by Talia and Allen Wagner, LMFT
Newman Miller House
amazon.com
$13.95
I mean, the title kind of says it all. This book is for anyone who's been living in that gray zone of essentially being married roommates. Whether there's little to no sexual intimacy in your marriage or you're just feeling depressed and anxious about your marital connection (or lack thereof), this guide offers useful skills for finding a more satisfying and exciting life together.
14) <i>Love More, Fight Less</i>by Gina Senarighi, Ph.D., CPC
Zeitgeist
amazon.com
$15.74
No matter how compatible you and your spouse may be, fights are bound to happen. And sometimes, they'll get pretty bad. Like not speaking to each other for days bad. But don't panic—you can work through the rough patch. This workbook is filled with activities and discussion starters to help you learn how to be more comfortable talking about even the most sensitive topics.
15) <i>The Marriage Counseling Workbook</i> by Emily Cook, Ph.D., LCMFT
Althea Press
amazon.com
$14.49
While this workbook can't replace the experience you'd get from seeing a counselor IRL, it's an in-depth resource that provides super precise guidance. With exercises and examples from real-life marriage counseling sessions, this workbook reconstructs how you and your spouse communicate. There are even some quizzes, if you're into that kinda thing!
Whether you're looking to get your marriage questions answered or to receive advice from relationship experts, these are the 15 best marriage books for all couples.