Mom says she never returns grocery cart when she’s with kids — and no one else should, either

A mom caused a TikTok scandal by saying she doesn’t always return her shopping cart at the grocery store in a viral video.

“I’m not returning my shopping cart and you can judge me all you want,” Dr. Leslie Dobson, a clinical and forensic psychologist in California, said in a TikTok video with 11 million views. “I’m not getting my groceries into my car, getting my children into the car and then leaving them in the car to go return the cart. So, if you’re going to give me a dirty look, f--- off.”

Many complained that Dobson was being inconsiderate to grocery store employees; others agreed with her.

• “My sister has 5 kids and still puts her cart in the corral.”

• “Small things like this is what shows character in a person. I am not a parent but even if it’s raining or snowing, I return my cart.”

• “I have the worst trouble with this ... the return things are ROWS away. I’m not leaving my baby in the car where I can’t see it.”

• “How did your kids get to the shopping cart safely? Did you leave them in the car alone and go get the cart? Or were they portable enough to make it without a cart?”

• “Collecting carts is one of the few human jobs left so I leave mine in the parking lot.”

• “It was never about the shopping cart. It’s about the principle. It’s about answering the question: Am I willing to take some time out of my day to do something nice for nothing in return?”

• “I agree with you 100%.”

• “Single mom here!! So what I do is put the groceries in the car. Leave the children in the shopping cart. Take the shopping cart back with the children. Return them back to the car.”

• “I park next to the cart return thingy.”

• “I lock my kid in the car for all of the 20 seconds it takes me to put the cart back and walk to the car. It’s literally a few seconds of them alone in the car. Safely and locked.”

• “If you can get the cart, you can return the cart.”

Many people mentioned “the shopping cart theory,” an unofficial theory that people who don’t return their trolleys have poor character.

Dobson tells TODAY.com that she posted the video “because predators watch our patterns and routines and I wanted to give people permission to not return their carts if their intuition tells them they aren’t safe.”

In fact, stranger abduction is very, very rare. According to an analysis of FBI data by Reuters, thousands of minors are reported missing each year and only .1% of those cases are the result of stranger abduction. FBI data shows that children are far more likely to be abducted or molested by a family member or someone known to the parents.

Dobson adds that leaving the kids alone in the car, even momentarily, is not something she will ever do.

She says the tone of her video was intentionally provocative “to grab attention” for awareness.

“I don’t love talking to pedophiles but if I can share how they think and how they target people, then I will take one for the team because I have the eduction and capacity to do so,” she says.

Dobson tells TODAY.com that people should assess the outside lighting, the design of the parking lot and the presence of security cameras or store guards. And, she says, moms should always trust their gut.

Janette Fennell, the president and founder of Kids and Car Safety tells TODAY.com that tragedies involving children in parking lots include car accidents and abduction. According to the organization, in 2022, more than 250 children were inside cars alone when they were stolen.

“Although the victims of these types of incidents typically survive, it is incredibly traumatizing for everyone involved,” states the Kids and Cars Safety website. “Incidents like this are very easily avoidable by never leaving a child alone in a vehicle.”

Fennell advises that parents park as close as possible to the cart collection area to minimize inconvenience.

Dobson says “the shopping cart theory” is “ridiculous” because it reduces a person’s character to one simple act. She says, “I always return my shopping cart when my kids aren’t with me.”

Is it immoral to not return a shopping cart?

“There is a big class of literature on whether or not people decide to cooperate when no one is looking,” Kurt Gray, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, tells TODAY.com.

“The reason this topic is so contentious is because it’s kind of ambiguous — there’s room for interpretation,” he says. “My work argues that morality and ethics come down to perceptions of harm. Is someone causing or preventing harm by these acts?”

Dobson points out the potential danger of returning her cart, however, some prioritize the harm in not doing so, says Gray.

He refers to “The dilemma of the commons,” the idea that common resources may be destroyed if exploited by the public.

There might be minimal harm if one person doesn’t return their cart, says Gray, but if no one returns their cart, the consequences are bigger.

This article was originally published on TODAY.com