How to Be More Patient
We’ve all been there: Someone cuts you off in traffic; your kids have been fighting for hours; you’re forced to stand in a line that goes around the block. Whether it’s personal or professional, we all encounter the sort of situation that can cause even the most mild-mannered of us to lose our calm. Luckily, it’s possible to train yourself to be more patient—and it comes with its own benefits. “People who can weather these scenarios without becoming overly annoyed or anxious fare better both emotionally and physically,” says Sanam Hafeez, PsyD, founder of Comprehend the Mind. Being more patient can lower your blood pressure, keep your heart healthier, reduce your anxiety, and more.
Understanding impatience
That feeling of rising stress that comes when our wants or needs are being ignored also comes with physiological side effects: When we feel stress, our bodies flood with hormones like adrenaline, which can cause a fight-or-flight response. Not everyone is patient or impatient to the same degree. “It’s really a genetic trait,” says Hafeez. “Patience—or lack thereof—isn’t as black-and-white as it seems. Some people are just born patient. Others have to work toward it more.”
The magic of mindfulness
If you’re born in the not-so-patient camp, practicing mindfulness is a great way to build the muscle. Because the practice is all about noticing your own thoughts, mindfulness can help you figure out what’s triggering your feelings of impatience. The more you notice these thoughts, the better you’ll be able to understand when they happen, and, most important, why they happen. According to Hafeez, it’s helpful to “recognize the emotion behind the impatience. Is it fear? Anxiety? Anger? Once you identify that, then you can make a more informed decision about what to do next.” She recommends cognitive behavioral therapy for those who get really stuck in their own thought loops.
Short-term solutions
Becoming a more patient person takes work. That’s why it’s key to create a few go-to solutions to keep in your back pocket for when impatience rears its head. For one, Hafeez recommends practicing breathwork exercises to regulate your nervous system—such as box breathing, a technique where you inhale, hold, and exhale each for a count of four. She adds that if you’re in a conversation or an argument with someone and you feel yourself becoming impatient, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking a step back to deescalate your emotions; it’s much better than risking saying something you may regret.
If you’re stuck in a situation that’s harder to control, like being caught in a long line at the grocery store, keep your mind occupied so impatience doesn’t take over. You could play a game on your phone, strike up a conversation with the person next to you, or even take yourself on a mental vacation—visualizing as best you can a calming place. “And there’s an acceptance piece of it, too,” adds Hafeez. “Say to yourself, Okay, nothing I’m going to do right now will make this line move faster.”
Limit screen time
Living in a fast-paced world has altered part of our brain chemistry. “Our brains have acclimated to this new life where everything is immediately available,” says Hafeez. “We want what we want when we want it. It has changed the brain to expect things in the immediate moment instead of waiting for them.” In other words, the immediacy of the internet is making us all the more impatient. If you're set on becoming a more patient person, it’s good to notice—and limit—how much time you’re spending online.
Patience isn’t just about waiting calmly—it’s about understanding your triggers and choosing how you respond. And remember most of all to be kind to yourself throughout the process: You don’t become a more patient person overnight.
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