Most students find returning to school stressful. Here's a quick primer for parents.
If you or someone you know is dealing with suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or text "Hopeline" to the National Crisis Text Line at 741-741.
Back-to-school preparation often comes with new outfits and a fresh supply of school supplies, all in service of getting kids ready for that first day back — and for good reason. Returning to school is among the most stressful times of the year for young people.
Some may be quietly (or not so quietly) anxious. Will my peers like me? Will I be smart enough? What if I've changed? What if they've changed? Who will I sit with at lunch?
The concerns are nothing new, but the mechanisms for handling them are worlds apart from when most parents and caregivers were last in school, said Linda Hall, director of the Wisconsin Office of Children's Mental Health.
The reliance on smartphones, the aftermath of the pandemic, the dearth of school-based mental health professionals and, worth noting, Wisconsin's particular challenge with alcohol use have created a gyre of anxiety, sadness and hopelessness. Six out of 10 Wisconsin high schoolers last year reported they felt anxious, depressed or suicidal every day, a number that has climbed since 2017, according to the 2023 Wisconsin Youth Risk Behavior Survey summary report.
Related: 'An urgent and difficult message': 59% of Wisconsin youth feel anxious, depressed or suicidal
What do you need to know?
Listen to young people without trying to 'fix' the problem
We've all experienced trying to open up to someone only for the listener to spend more time interjecting their thoughts and opinions than taking in our words. Chances are, we thought twice before going back.
Young people get this in spades, from friends, teachers, family members and community members. Hall often hears from kids that their reluctance to speak up isn't for lack of trying. Many young people want their parents to listen to them, Hall said. What they don't want is a lecture.
"If they want their parents to listen to them, (parents) should be really engaged in hearing them," Hall said. "Don't rush to fix what they're stressed about. Listen to what they really have to say and be with them."
Be sensitive to the around-the-clock nature of social media
Social media has made it nearly impossible for students to put distance between themselves and social pressures and bullying, Hall said. That's especially true for high school-aged girls, who struggle with bullying — both on school property and online — at nearly twice the rate as high school-aged boys.
"Those of us who went to school before smartphones were in everybody's hands, there might have been some conflicts during the day, but you got away from it at night. You got to go home to your family, a loving place, hopefully, where you were welcomed," Hall said. "There was not this continual stress going on 24 hours a day."
But young people aren't behaving in a vacuum, Hall said. Most adults also have an unhealthy relationship to their phones and screens. In fact, 62% of U.S. adults between the ages of 18 and 29 have reported being online "almost constantly," according to a Pew Research Center report released in January. U.S. adults aged 30 to 49 aren't much better — 54% also report being online "almost constantly."
Hall often hears from young people who say they're troubled by how often their parents are on the phone. This, too, interferes with their ability to open up.
"Kids are telling us it's important for parents to walk away from their screens, put down their phone, listen to them, be with them," Hall said. "Our whole way of living and interacting has changed a lot."
Put a priority on regular, consistent sleep
More than three-quarters of all students reported three or more hours of recreational time in front of a TV, computer, smartphone or other electronic device each day, not counting time spent on schoolwork, according to the 2023 Wisconsin Youth Risk Behavior report. And more than half of all students surveyed said they're on their screens after midnight at least one school night per week.
Although using social media isn't inherently bad — many marginalized groups find solace in connecting to others with shared experiences and interests across the world — one negative is clear: Heavy use of social media, and smartphones in general, is disrupting sleep, Hall said.
Getting enough sleep is an important protective factor for young people against anxiety, depression and suicidal thinking, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Wisconsin students who use screens late into the evening are, on average, getting less than eight hours of sleep per night. As of 2023, just 26% of students are getting eight or more hours of sleep per night.
Students who got less than five hours of sleep per night were also three times more likely to report depression than students who slept eight or more hours per night, according to the 2023 Youth Risk Behavior Report.
Underage drinking today too often means binge drinking
Alcohol use is not something to chalk up as a Wisconsin rite of passage. Allison Weber, the multicultural coordinator for the Department of Health Services' Bureau of Prevention Treatment and Recovery, said that she's seen many parents use their own past with high school drinking as a way of permitting similar activities in their kids. That has led to underage drinking in Wisconsin youth exceeding the national average, even as trends point to a national decrease in use.
But much has changed since many of us were teenagers. Most underage drinking takes the form of binge-drinking, which is defined as a woman having four or more drinks, and a man having five or more drinks, within about 2 hours, according to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. And binge-drinking has a tendency to exacerbate feelings of anxiety, depression and even suicide, especially among young people, Weber said.
"We know a lot more about child development, child brain development than when many of us were in our teens," Weber said.
Don't be intimidated by conversations about alcohol use
Weber said the reluctance of parents to strike up conversations about alcohol use with young people is part of what led her and others to launch Small Talks in 2018. It's an initiative through DHS that helps guide parents and caregivers to have casual five- to 10-minute conversations with kids as young as 8 about underage drinking.
"(Small Talks) is a call to action, to be less intimidated about having these conversations," Weber said.
These short conversations will look different, depending on the age of the child. Some examples, according to the Small Talks resources page, include questions for 5- to 7-year-olds like: "When do you think someone is ready to try alcohol?" and "Why do you think it's illegal for kids under the age of 21 to drink alcohol?"
Weber emphasized that the purpose of these talks is never to be punitive. It's to help begin conversations without judgment, using honesty and curiosity as prompts.
Get outside, be a healthy role model
Exploring green spaces, taking part in healthy group activities and doing things that don't involve screens or alcohol can do a lot to help improve young people's mental health, both Hall and Weber said.
For Weber, it's crucial to show young people that fun alcohol-free activities can be had by all.
According to research from the Wisconsin Bureau of Prevention Treatment and Recovery, 26% of teenagers reported drinking over a 30-day period. But that also means about 75% of young people aren't drinking, which Weber sees as a silver lining to Wisconsin's troubling alcohol culture.
"Most children see their parents as role models. They tend to mimic what parents do," Weber said.
Related: Young people are struggling. What they need is deceptively simple.
Natalie Eilbert covers mental health issues for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. She welcomes story tips and feedback. You can reach her at [email protected] or view her Twitter profile at @natalie_eilbert.
This article originally appeared on Milwaukee Journal Sentinel: Back to school 2024: How to help students limit back-to-school stress.
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